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Shyness, lack of confidence, maybe
Why am I so shy?
I am from India.I am very shy , I know that's a disadvantage but I can't stop being shy. I am not confident. I can't speak out in public. I can't sing out loud. Dance in front of anyone except my teacher and the other children who learn. I know I sing good, everyone says I do. But the thing that keeps me hidden is shy, lack of confidence. I want to sing , dance , speak out , like my other friends do. They don't sing, dance good but still they do it confidently. I want to open up like everyone else. Even in my school, class,if a question is been asked, I know it but I'm scared it will go wrong, so I don't answer. I want you to suggest me that what should I do to overcome these obstacles. Or what my problem actually is. Thank you.
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Want to answer more questions in the Hobbies category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Music?
Don't be hard on yourself. Not everyone is able to be that way. Some of us are more private and tend to not show that part of us, until we are comfortable. So don't push yourself to be that way, it will happen when it should happen.
Being quiet, shy or reserve isn't bad. If you want to change that then start slowly. How about trying to be more sociable. Try talking to one person in a crowd and going from there. A crowd is intimidating at first, but if you focus on a person it makes things easier.
Don't be hard on yourself once again. Take it slowly and embrace your qualities. Just because you are from India doesn't mean you can't be out there.
Email me if you would like more help.
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Bluehart had some very practical applications for you to try and pointed out great facts. Its all true. I was extremely painfully shy when I was in school. I tried writing with a very blunt pencil that had no more lead showing because I was too afraid to go up to the front of the class where the pencil sharpener was because I was afraid of all those eyes that might be on me. As I grew older, I tended to have a suspicious nature and not trust people until I got to know them that I could trust them to treat me kindly. So as a result, I did not reach out first, I waited until someone was nice enough to notice me and make overtures to befriend me. By time I was also done with high school, I was finally sick and tired of being so shy and asked God for help. I got an answer in my mind as soon as I asked. The steps to get over shyness and being scared of other people was the first step, once past that, gaining confidence came naturally to me. Here's the pretty simple steps I took to overcome shyness.
1. Smile at strangers every day as you come across them. When you are comfortable with this, move on to step 2 I was afraid to even smile at people fearing it might make them want to talk to me and I was too afraid to talk. Guess what, no one I smiled at ever attempted to talk. People just assume you are a friendly person who smiles alot and leave it at that
2. Smile and add saying hello to people you don't know. This is already harder because your mind will be going, "They're gonna think I'm nuts cus I am saying hi and they dont even know me." When you can do this without feeling awkward or shy, move to step 3
3. Smile and say hi to and then pay a compliment to another person you don't know. It could be telling the grocery clerk you love her necklace. Keep paying compliments to people until you can do so without being fearful of their reaction or simply the act of doing it.
4. Smile, say Hi, and start a conversation with a stranger. Here's an example. When I'd be at a clothing rack and another woman was there...no matter her age, I'd find reason to make a comment about an item and ask her opinion.I'd pull something off the rack something that looks too uncomfortable or barely covers anything and showing it to her, "This reminds me of one of those fashions just for show, not very useful. Would you wear something like this?"
Keep trying statements with a question to get responses from a person. If they don't open up and start responding and sharing some of their story or thoughts then they are part of the 10 % of people who are hermit like and don't like being around people or talking to them. I took a class in my 20's that taught about personality types and discovered that 90% of people are very friendly but will not start conversation first. If you can learn to start conversation first, in every situation, you will find that the majority of people respond in a very friendly and supportive way. They won't find the fact that you start talking too weird. Once they figure you're a naturally friendly person you will see them willingly respond back and share bits and pieces of information and such. Even today, I prefer to talk to a stranger that I am near rather than spend any substantial amount of time in their presence not acknowledging their presence by speakng to them. I find it more uncomfortable now to be next to someone and remain silent. I think it must the the silence or non communication that IS the problem. The longer I sit in silence, the harder I find it to start a conversation and yet I am no longer shy. Keep that concept in mind. The longer you wait to say something or do something like sing, the more time you have to start feeling uncomfortable and second guess it all. Just plunge in right away once you've gone through and mastered the exercises I gave you. My confidence grew from thinking more positive thoughts about myself based on my success with being able to talk to anyone. But saying positive things in front of a mirror is even better, being able to hear it. Good luck.
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I know what you feel sweetie. I've been struggling that kind of barrier when I was high school. The reason why alot of people hide themselves in the public because they aren't able to cope with other people. Because they think that they can't get along with them or they think they will humiliate themselves. But NO it's not. I don't believe that those people who are shy have lack of mental ability which is one of them is confidence. I don't believe that they lack of mental abilities because they are talented but just lacking one great factor which is confidence. Like you, you are talented as I can feel it from you but you aren't confident because you haven't enhanced your skills as you were still younger.
I know you are good and talented and you want to express yourself. But you can't because you are afraid of showing it. You are better than anybody, why not show what you got and show others you can? At that way you can achieve opportunities which can lead you to success.
You can enhance your confidence in many ways. Here are some tips which I used to boost my self-esteem.
Stand in front of the mirror and talk to yourself about your skills and talent. And then list all of them.
Probably your fashion style varries on your confidence (being too conservative and almost hide face). I don't mean that you should change your style but I'm just saying that you must have an appropriate sense and style that would blend in you as you are still young sweetie.
You should be able to be competitive enough. You must compete with others and never get upset if you fail. If you are competitive enough, you will be able to adjust yourself and be able to cope with others. Learn to compete as I know that you have something inside you. You are intelligent and talented. I want to motivate you because a lot of youngsters today waste what they got because of pessimism and lack of confidence. I want to make you achieve what you are dreaming. I know that you are dreaming to be a singer in school or outside life. Go achieve it and learn to compete with others.
Once you are competing, you can meet failures and success. But at first I would tell that you can meet more failures and less success. That's just how life goes on. Once you fail, never mess out your dreams. Never surrender and never think that it would be over to hang on.
another is that you need to speak up. Don't be aftaid to speak up in front of the poeple and of your classmates. Sweaty palms, racing heart, magnetized in your chair and even the feeling of having a stone on your throat are normal feelings. Even me, I can say that I'm confident enough but still I can feel those whenever I negotiate with poeple. It's just normal. You know what is not normal? It is when you won't do any effort how to get rid of them and you won't try to speak up. Like if you're in middle of class discussion and your teacher asks the class, you kbow the answer but afraid to raise your hand then you'll tell your seatmate what's the answer and she would speak it up. That's the time you'll lose the opportunity and end up like a total weak. I know that you experienced this one. And i know what you are imagining when you read this paragraph because i can feel you coz i've been struggling the same as you before. Time to speak up honey.
Then improve your posture. Don't slouch as it would indicate you are afraid of people.
Improve the way you speak. Minimize the expression like uhmmmm...youuu knnoowww, errrrr...reaaly? And constantly hmmmming. As much as possible, be straight forward and direct to the point.
Walk with your face higher than your shoulders. I hope you know what I meant. Don't look down if waljing in corridor. I know it's awkward to walk where you don't the people.
Make friends, help and compliment. As it will make you feel good of yourelf as the same time you are helping others and you are slowly leaving a mark of your confident and great shadow.
Most of all, widen your social circle. Learn to socialize and blend this others. And as much as possible, be humble.
I have some links that would be more helpful.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
those two sites will help you more.
Feel free to express yourslf and you can ask me whenever you have questions. I hope this would help.
'Blueheart'
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