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I'm older than him for like 9 months, I think I'm way too old for him
I love him soo much and I'm 9 month older then him. When we would have convo, I would constantly remind that he's younger than me and I'm giving a hint of like friend-zoning him but ik in myself that I love him so much. Btw i forgot to mention that he's just my cyber crush that I know for like a year. We never see each other in person. He's really good and nice and haven't had a gf before, me too. And he keeps on going to the topic leading to my bf which i don't have, so we discuss about. His giving a hint that she likes me and even said she love me but in just a joke way. i told him I like him but as friend. But omg i want him to be my bf. i think it's good to have LDR relationship coz it's not destroying my studies. so any help pls?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Sounds like we have 3 subjects to touch on: age difference, friend zoning, and cyber only boyfriends.
I know these are all wrapped up in one ball of wax in this situation, but in your future, you may come up against each of these in separate situations so thats why I am breaking them down.
Age: Whether this CF (cyber friend) is exactly your age, older or younger, shouldn't matter. 9 months is not a big gap anyway. The rule when I was growing up was I couldn't enter school if I turned 5 shortly after school started so I had a wait another whole year. That puts kids who turn a year older in late Sept. Oct in a position of always being older than most their classmates. That is normal and to be expected. If maturity of the person is an issue in your mind, then base it strictly on their maturity, not age. Although some teens can be really mature, the pre frontal cortex of the brains isn't truly done growing until our mid twenties and that is one big cause of immaturity in teens.There are reports that will tell you females dont mature until age 30 and some guys until as late as late 30's.
So the only other reason I can think of is how it looks. There are no societal rules that one partner can't be a vastly different age than the other. Age is just a number. Some people look alot older than their age, some a lot younger. This doesn't become obvious until one partner is about 10 years or more difference in age. Older people dont seem to worry about chronological age, just the young people seem tothe pre frontal cortex responsible for good decision husband is 13 months younger than me. It's never been an issue. With your CF, no one is going to know but I want you to really think about how important age is or isn't for the future. If you met the perfect man to marry some day, would you reject him because he was 2 years younger? What really matters is if the guy treats you right, you have things in common and feel that spark together. That should always have a greater importance in any relationship than your age.
Next topic, friend zoning: It is an unfortunate thing that this happens to many guys. While I will admit that there are males who have the best friend thing going with a girl and truly do not feel any romantic spark, it is more common that a male whom the girl considers to be "just a friend" actually has always had those feelings for her or the feelings developed over time but he is willing to take whatever he can get because he's in love with her and hopes she one day will feel the same. Why does this happen? Usually people are looking to feel hit by some big powerful feelings of attraction and desire for a person when they first lay eyes on them. If it's not there but they have lots in common, they become friends. Usually its only one person who doesnt feel that spark but it eventually develops slowly over time. Word of caution: Discovering this 'chemistry or spark' for each other in common doesnt happen in cyber or long distance. It is exactly a chemical thing, the two individuals pheromones are a great match. You can't assume it will be there unless you have an "in person" relationship.
And lastly my feelings about Cyber/LDR. I have experienced it all, meeting someone in Cyber and then brief meeting in person and back to do an LDR due to responsibilities in our own areas and can't relocate, meeting in cyber but never meeting in person or meeting in cyber on dating sites locally, and being cyber only short term before meeting in person. What I have discovered is that Cyber is a poor substitute for the real thing. It is one dimensional, the computer screen only, it is too easy to hide something about oneself from the other or to lie. There is no way for the other person to ever find out unless you were ever to take the relationship to real life. I've had male CF's long term whom I never met in real life and just considered them an online penpal. What happens over time in my mind with any CF, even short term ones like local ones for dating, is that my mind would imagine and create a fantasy to fill in the area's I didn't know, like how it will feel when they even just touch my hand. Then we meet in person and it all feels wrong, nothing at all like I imagined. It could be the total opposite and he feels repulsive to me rather than the guy I so badly wanted to meet. Or I caught many who had lied about who they were. There also isn't a chance for trust to build online because you aren't there in person to gauge whether the person is being truthful or putting up a smoke screen. Its much harder to hide something in real life.
I understand wanting a boyfriend badly. But choosing someone on line to consider a boyfriend is not going to teach you all the things you need to learn about relationships and dating because it is so very limited. Until you find the partner you want to stick with long term or for life, all your experiences with guys through the arena of "dating" is going to help shape your ideas of and selection of the right guy. So this means you will at times run into the 'wrong' guy or end up in a mismatched relationship for a while until you break up. It's all a learning experience. However, for a first dating boyfriend/girlfriend thing in cyber, you are vastly limiting your abilities to really learn and experience things. A relationship like that is mostly fantasy. Most of us do not need to work on our imagination or being able to fantasize but we need to learn how to understand the opposite sex and the dating do's and don't and discover what we actually like in a person and we won't get that if we are not able to compare in some way. So dating to discover these things is good and may include dating who ever asks, several perhaps at the same time, just be clear that you are still in search mode for who you want to commit to being in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with. Don't restrict yourself to dating one person exclusively until you discover if they are perfect for you or not...its a waste of time otherwise and keeps you off limits to a possible guy who might have been a way better choice. So choosing to become a serious girlfriend with a CF, is doing the same only it's worse, you will not learn the things you can learn in person from dating. the issue is not his age, it's the whole cyber thing to begin with. Since the odds are against you for this guy ever becoming a fulfulling real life relationship, its better to keep him at just a friendship level. If this guy lives in the same city, just not the same school, find out if its okay with the parents to have him come visit on the weekend. Thats the smarter thing to do. If you live too far apart, keep it as friends only on line and start dating real guys. Don't miss out on the fun of your teen years dating and going to dances with guys because of a CF that you are choosing to restrict yourself to. Is it easy to develop feelings for a CF and feel like you love them? Yes, it is. I have felt it, but it sure as heck wasn't the same with any I met out of dozens when face to face finally. Only one such guy I met after 10 days of daily online and phone with him turned out to be the perfect guy and is now my husband of about 5 years.
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Young love is not really my area of expertise . A younger adviser would be better able to help you,
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