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I think my bf is gay undercover
Me & my bf been together 3yrs now iys been anabuise one I got beat everyday but my question was how do I know hes gay say my self he is he says his not but he did things that go that way he only look at guys when he would see a guy walkin down the st he would stand like If he was forzen & I guess he would fanitzie about haveing sex with this person & his dick would get hard he wouldnt have sex with me itz been 3months he says I been actin up thats why he wouldnt have sex with me them he says itz him I said no itz not becuZ he stands in one place like hes stupid doesnt talk nothang just stands ther dreamin awake in hes dick gets hard only when he sees guys I know he has messed arpund Idont have proff but he has all the signs help me what u think it is
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For one, I think that you are looking at human sexuality in far too binary of a manner. It is not as simple as "dick gets hard to the sight of a man"="I must be gay". Human sexuality is a very complicated and fluid aspect of who we are. You cannot ask your boyfriend to state explicitly that he is "either" gay or straight because truth be told he could have any kind of tendency on the LGBQT spectrum, and still identify himself as "straight".
But more importantly, who cares if he is gay or not?
I'm just saying that your relationship does not sound at all like the type that will last anyway. For starters, there's the fact that you "got beat every day", that right there should be a tip off. But then the fact that you are obviously so suspicious of his every behavior and it sounds like you are quite paranoid about his actions as well.
Those kinds of relationships lack a key factor for success: trust.
You do not trust him to tell you if he is gay, or if he is turned on by men, or the truth of why he will not have sex with you. (Or to not beat you, but that is another topic).
He obviously does not trust you or he would be open and honest about his feelings and would feel that he could confide in you whatever that might be.
My advice, end things now and stop obsessing over the sexual orientation of your boyfriend. You both will be much better off, and perhaps your boyfriend will have the chance to explore his own sexuality and be able to define it FOR HIMSELF. Because that is the ONLY person that he needs to define it for.
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If he's gay he will tell. You can't just assume that a guy is gay without any proof. Nothing's wrong with being gay, but no man wants to be called out on being different.
I think you should probably talk to him again, this time with a little more understanding. Try not to corner him in public and ask him. Wait until you guys get home and ask him. And let him know that you'll understand and that you won't judge him. If he says he's not gay, YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE. You have to trust and know that if anything changed with him or his sexuality, he would let you know when he was ready. Let him know how you're feeling.
I hope this helps.
~Andrew~
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Perhaps he is fighting accepting who he is thinking if he tries to deny it, it will go away and yet as you say, you see him get turned on by a guy he's watching...(presumably when there are no other girls around).
It could be that he knows his whole family is homophobic. Or perhaps he has a really religious family and that is not acceptable, they would force him to pray for God to fix him and make him feel guilty for how he is. It isn't easy for young people and teens just figuring out that they are gay and then choosing to lie to themselves.
As a friend, you can have another talk and let him know you support him and understand and accept him as he is as a friend but with his sexual orientation, it won't work for a romantic boyfriend relationship. There must be some qualities that drew you to him. He's still the same friend and what is he going to need is friends for emotional support as he learns to choose his path or deal with the emotional stuff because of it. So stop asking him to have sex with you. Theres a chance in which but He could be Asexual, meaning no sexual attraction to either sex, another type of sexual orientation where the male would not be sexual aroused and wanting to have sex. I don't know your ages. It may also be that you are both very young and he just simply is not ready to go down that road.
You mention getting beat up every day. Yu weren't clear enough for me so i am just guessing that since the topic is about the boyfriend, that he is the one abusing you this way. If so, he needs professional help because if he is gay and is angry about it and letting out his frustrations on you or perhaps others, that is not good. You don't have to be his punching bag. That is not helping him and being supportive to be available to hit, that is allowing yourself to become a victim. So now instead of one person with issues that rob him of a life of joy and wellbeing, we now have two because you allow yourself to be sucked in. Make a stand and tell him about this also, that you won't accept that kind of behavior from him. If this is the only person you ever see and hang with, then you have lost perspective of what a healthy normal friend is like. I'd tell him to go talk to the school counselors so they can put him in touch with professional help. You may have feelings for him but with his sexual orientation that can never be. With his emotional state, you can not even hang around to be a friend until he gets help for that. Friends don't beat up friends...that is wrong.
I figure he probably won't listen to anything you say in which case I would go talk to a school counselor, and tell them what is going on so they can still help him and also you as a female of physical abuse. It is very common among teens that i think its 1 out of 5 or 6 girls is abused by a boyfriend. Just because it happens that often does not make it okay.
I was verbally abused as a wife in my 1st marriage. I knew it was wrong for him to treat me that way and had my excuses for staying, but excuses only mean that in my mind, I was making a choice to remain a victim which doesnt help me or him. The man i finally left, to this day still has issues and has not gotten better, he has mental problems. He still denies there is anything wrong with him and so isn't getting professional mental health with him and so isn't getting professional mental health.
Until your friend is in a frame of mind to be ready to accept that he is gay and that he has anger and other emotional problems because of it, and willing to admit it and accept will, then he will continue to be in this state like my ex. And according to a counseling friend I spoke to, some people can be like that for their entire life and not be willing to seek help, change and get better. Change, even for the better is a scary uncomfortable thing for most humans so we try to avoid it.
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