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I feel like a failure because I can't get a job due to my mental health
I'm 19 years old and engaged to the love of my life. Our relationship is outstanding. The only problem I see is my mental illnesses. I have severe panic attacks; severe uncontrollable anxiety; and severe bipolar disorder. I have agoraphobia (fear of people) and I also have learning disabilities due to some brain damage from a past car accident. I'm on a lot of medications which I'm still trying to figure out, because some of them don't work and my bipolar isn't yet under control. Because of all of this I haven't been able to get a job. It makes me feel like a total failure, because my fiancé works so hard and stresses over money, and I feel it's all my fault. He never puts any blame on me or pressures me and is completely understanding, but that doesn't change the fact that I need to get a job to put in my fair share of work. I'm also struggling to get my GED, which is difficult because its so hard for me to learn new things. Does anyone else struggle with these things? What helps you? And how did you overcome some of these things to be able to function enough to get a job and achieve other things? Please help me! I'm very desperate for advice on how to get through this.
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First you are putting a great deal of extra stress on yourself which does not help any of the things you are suffering with. The severe panic attacks; severe uncontrollable anxiety; and severe bipolar disorder you suffer from all in one respect or another respond adversely to stress, especially the panic attacks.
I would hope that along with the medications you are taking you are seeing a psychologist or a psychiatrist regularly for talk therapy to get at the root cause of some of the attacks.
Having suffered from clinical depression myself I know a little of what you’re going through. Talk therapy along with medication helped. Being compliant with both is a must. I don't know what you mean when you say you're still trying to figure out your medications. Being compliant with your medications means taking them as directed on the labels. All the medication, not just the ones you like or don't make you feel fuzzy.
One thing to remember is your fiancé loves you, if he didn't he would not be working so hard to make a life with you. Next and this is important; nothing you did caused you to have the problems you are having. In a sense these problems where programed into you at birth and environmental triggers brought them out. They can be cured or controlled through medication.
Last but not least it is not your illness that is holding you back as much as not having a high school diploma. The only thing a future employer can ask you is if you have a highs school diploma. They cannot ask you any medical questions and you need not volunteer any during an interview.
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Are you sure you aren't me from 7 years ago? Because you're basically in the exact same position I was in, except that I was trying and failing repeatedly to get through college/university.
So yes. I am very familiar with your situation. It's not fun and it's not easy, but you can get through it.
While you're getting your meds sorted, it's best to keep your other obligations to a minimum. Focus on being able to live daily life first. Taking care of yourself should be your first priority right now. Start small. Did you get out of bed today? Awesome. If you showered, brushed your teeth and made a healthy breakfast, that's another win. Try pushing your limits a little every day and doing something you didn't feel like you could before. Go for a 5 minute walk. Go into a corner store. Talk to the cashier. Go to lunch with a friend. Little things will add up and you'll start to feel more capable. As that happens, you'll start wanting to do more. That's when you can start tackling school, then work. Just remember, one thing at a time. For me, I learned how to take care of myself, got my meds under control, started part time work one day a week, took on more hours, then went back to school full time. It's been a pretty smooth progression.
When you do schooling, try asking if there's any disability support. Depending on where you're doing your learning, they may have supports in place. My college has a great accessibility services department. They advocate for me when I have to be absent for medical reasons so that the impact on my schooling is minimal. They can also help with learning disabilities.
I know what it's like to feel guilty about the impact that your illness is having on your significant other. I was also engaged at 19 to a fantastic man who I have since married. He was instrumental in getting me to the place I'm in now. In your relationship there will be ups and downs for both of you. You need his support right now, but some day he may need yours. It sounds like he's a great guy and that he understands that for you, taking care of yourself is a full time job right now. You're not putting in any less work than he is, you just don't get paid for it.
I also know that it can be difficult to maintain a relationship. When I got really sick, all of my husband's family and even our mutual friends were telling him to leave me. It takes a lot of strength to stay with someone with our particular challenges, but if you can make it through this you can do anything. I can tell you from experience that it leads to an extremely strong relationship with a solid foundation.
Another neat thing is that many famous people deal with bipolar disorder. While it can make your life a living hell, people with it are often very creative. There's a great book called "Touched With Fire" about that connection.
Living with bipolar disorder sucks, there's no getting around it. Things can go wrong, and sometimes you'll have to rebuild what you just finished working on. Progress may feel slow, but it's two steps forward, one step back. You're still moving forward. You can do it!
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I was unemployed between the age of 19-21, I really struggled to get back into work as I had been bullied at work and that was why I left my previous job and my confidence wasn't what it was. I was eighteen months without work and like you I had the support of my other half and felt guilty.
I had writing to fall back on in my case as it has always been my way of dealing with things and trying to explain how I felt and I never stopped looking for a job because I knew it was only a matter of time before someone gave me the chance I needed to get into work.
I have now been in work a year but I have not forgotten what it was like to be without work. I really hope you can find something soon, remember that your future employer can't hold your problems against you because it is classed as prejudice.
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