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I need advice, quick!
Okay, so I have started to talk to someone I meet @ a birthday party. He gave me his number and everything, so we started to talk and it has gotten kind of serous. But the (one) problem is that he lives a hour away. I only see him like 3 times a year. So we have decide to wait to date for a couple years. until I am 18 and can see him whenever i want. But the thing is that one day he acts like he really likes me. and says he loves me which I think is way to soon. but then he says he is talking to some one girl but its nothing serous. which i don't understand? I feel like he is maybe lying to me or leading me on...I guess what i am asking is should I just stop talking to him. To not waste my time or should i keep talking to him. I really need some advice. Please help I am starting to fall for him..
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Actions speak louder than words.
The thing with long distance relationships, especially yours where you're waiting to actually get into a relationship, it can end badly. You guys hung out at a party and figured out that you guys are attracted to each other, but that's about it. You don't see him in person, you don't see how he is with his friends or family, you only know what he tells you. What if you wait however long till you're 18 to date him and not date anyone else and turns out that it was an awful decision because he really wasn't what you thought he was or you guys just don't get along too great in person?
Also, like Dragonflymagic said, trust takes time to build and it's ten times harder to do that over texting and the computer. It doesn't make it any better that he's talking to another girl.
So think about what you really want. If you think it could work out and you can learn to trust him and expect him to wait for you like you'd wait for him, then go for it. It's fine to talk to him, but if you think you'll get swept away with your emotions with him if you continue talking to him, then don't do it.
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In the couple hours you got to know him at a birthday party, you were not able to get to know him as in depth as you would if you saw each other more often and hung out together a lot. So, what I am trying to say, is that although you have met him in person and you know that there is mutual attraction between you, other than that, you know very little of each other. So no matter what he says or shares with you via the net, Skype, texting or phone calls, there will be too much information let alone experiences with him missing. So your mind will imagine the greater majority of whats really to this relationship to fill in the pieces that you don't know.
This means that what you really have is mostly a fantasy so far. A fantasy means it is not real. He is real, you are real, but the two of you are not in a real relationship.
The reason you feel like he is maybe lying to you or leading you on is because you have not had an opportunity to spend time together in person and observe how he handles himself, what he's like on good days, bad days, there is nothing to base a development of trust with each other on.
Trust is something that takes a long time to build and is built when you over time see that he is constant and predictable in a good way, that he is what he says he is, and keeps his word, is never found to contradict himself or lie. When someone is long distance, it is too easy for the person to misrepresent themselves or to lie to you. With a trust built from really knowing his character, you are going to never feel sure if what he is saying is true or whether you can trust him. I know first attractions are great but an attraction is just that, an attraction, it hasn't had a chance to develop into real true tested and proven love.
It is easy to say that you love another person. But it is in their actions that a person is able to prove it or not. Words are cheap, action takes more effort. So while he may have feelings, he lacks the ability to prove to you whether his love is for real or not or just more of a temporary fleeting thing of a few months, a year or two compared to the kind of love needed for a life time.
If you enjoy talking to him, then go ahead and chat with him. If you don't think you can do this without the emotional attachment feelings, then tell him you can't.
Here's one more thing to think about. Perhaps after a couple years, you get together and all goes great. But what if it doesn't and you break up at the later point in time. I know someone who did this. She didn't date at all in high school, never went to dances or prom or talked to guys. Then she and the guy who had been keeping in touch long distance got together and they were so excited for a week or two but soon it became a disaster and they broke up for good, neither really able to stand the other. She regretted giving up her high school years to wait for him.
There's a saying that 'a bird in hand is worth two in the bush.' it means even if the two sound better than one, it is not guaranteed you'll catch them. So it is better to go with the more concrete choice, the one in hand or translated to guys, the one's you can actually spend time with face to face and really get to know.
Dating is about discovering what you do and don't like about guys so you can form an idea of what you're looking for later when ready to settle down with a love for life.
It takes more than dating one or two guys to come up with experiences you did and did not like to formulate what kind of guy you are looking for, no matter that all of them were cute and attractive looking to you. And it certainly takes more than meeting for several hours at a party to formulate those same ideas of what you are looking for dear. Don't regret sitting out from dating and saving yourself for someone who is not a 100% for sure guarantee of being the right one for you in a long term relationship.
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Well... I would sit down and talk with him (or call him on the phone)and talk about it/ Ask if he is seeing another girl or leading you on. You're right saying "I love you" is kind of soon. If he feels it, great. My advice to you is not to be afraid to ask some questions. If you are ready to let yourself fall for him, you have a right to know this sort of stuff. If he is giving any negative signs then i would say stop, but if he hasn't done anything really bad yet there shouldn't be a reason to stop now. I hope this helped, Good Luck :)
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