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How do you make new friends if you're shy
14/f Hi, I'm in the 9th grade and since high school has started, my friends from elementary school are becoming distant and I don't talk to them as much anymore because quite frankly I don't like the way they isolate me... But anyways, I've made a few friends so far but they've never quite stuck with me because I'm shy... How do I continue to make more friends if I'm shy?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Join some sort of club or after school club you will make friends.
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It's possible to make friends when you're shy. I was the same way in high school. I hated public speaking, I'd wait to get up in class to turn in a paper until someone else got up. I just hated attention pretty much.
You need to find people who appreciate you. Maybe go a little out of your comfort zone. I mean if you don't let people in, then they won't want to hang around you. But people like you and me take time so hopefully you'll meet some patient people. As long as you make the effort, it'll be fine. It'll be harder than it is for people who are naturally social butterflies but you'll get there.
You should also join clubs. It'll be easier to talk to people who have the same interest as you, it gives you something to talk about anyways.
Just work on your confidence. There's nothing necessarily wrong with being shy, but you don't want to hang out by yourself or with people who don't really act like they want to be around you.
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I know how you feel. I used to be the same way, maybe even worse.
I used to be so shy I wouldn't get up to use the pencil sharpener in grade school because I didn't want the other kids to stare at me. I refused to do book reports for fear of speaking in front of the class. So my grades would suffer. In contrast, my dad was a very friendly extroverted person and always bringing home new friends he had made. Us kids liked it cus these “uncles” would bring candy for us and many had accents from around the world with lots of interesting stories too.
It took until I was about 16 before I decided I was sick and tired of being so shy. I didn't have the guts to just switch behavior and start talking to other kids first, they had to approach me first.
Strange how I never thought to talk to my dad about that and get help from him. So I prayed and asked God for help (He knows each of us better than anyone ) and here's the answers I got. It sure helped me and I know it will help you. You can skip any steps you already have mastered.
None of this involves using people you already know because you already have some comfort level there For this exercise, you will have to drop the teaching, “Never talk to strangers”. Just use common sense and talk to people in public places where other people are around and don't go off alone with anyone. So here's your lesson.
1. Smile at strangers every day as you come across them. When you are comfortable with this, move on to step 2
2. Smile and add saying hello to people you don't know. This is already harder because your mind will be going, "They're gonna think I'm nuts cus I am saying hi and they dont even know me." When you can do this without feeling awkward or shy, move to step 3. Try practicing this with people also other than your age. Kids in school can be cruel so if thats the case, gain your confidence first with practicing on adults you don't know..like whoever you pass on the street for example.
3. Smile and say hi to and then pay a compliment to another person you don't know. It could be telling the grocery clerk you love her necklace. Keep paying compliments to people until you can do so without being fearful of their reaction or simply the act of doing it. Remember, its not a whole conversation, just a compliment.
4. Smile, say Hi, and start a conversation with a stranger. Here's an example. When I'd be at a clothing rack and another woman was there...no matter her age, I would make a comment to her about the clothing. I'd pull an item off the rack that looked awful and say, "What do you think,doesn't this look uncomfortable to wear? It reminds me of one of those fashions just for show, not practical." Or "Even though I am small, I have a hard time finding things in my size, do you have the same problems finding things that fit you?”
Keep trying statements with a question to get responses from a person. If they don't open up and start responding and sharing some of their story or thoughts, then they are part of the 10 % of people who are hermit like and don't like being around people or talking to them. I took a class that taught about personality types and discovered that 90% of people are very friendly but will not start conversation first. If you can learn to start conversation first, in every situation, you will find that the majority of people respond in a very friendly and supportive way. They won't find the fact that you start talking too weird. Once they figure you're a naturally friendly person you will see them willingly respond back and share bits and pieces of information and such.
I was trying to pick ripe but not over ripe melon one time when an older woman was tapping and listening to the melons. I asked what she was doing and she explained that there is a certain sound it makes when not too over ripe. so I learned something. Later we bump into each other in another aisle, and I say, "Well Hello again!" Her response, "Hello again. Do you use coupons?" "Sometimes." "Do you buy this product," she shows me something in her cart, "Yes I do." "Well I happen to have a coupon for a great deal on it if you'd like," and without waiting for my response reaches into pocket and hands it to me. You'd be amazed at the conversation you could have with people and be able to share helpful info with them or vice versa. And sometimes in the conversing you may find people who you have some things in common with and you decide to keep in touch with and exchange cell numbers and /or get their name for facebook friending. Once you are comfortable with talking to one person, then its a small matter to talk to groups of people.
This should help you. If you have any specific scenerios or stuff you want to go over, you may write me. But I cant answer a second response in the comment line. You need to go to my column and write me from there. Good luck dear.
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