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Friends or lovers
I like this guy and he likes me. But he always is busy with work or school. We have talked and agreed that we don't want a relationship, but want each other to be there. is it wise to get physical with someone like this. He is sexually active beyond what I am. And want to have sex. I do too, but I get scared, and nervous to do it.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
When getting physical with someone, it's best to make sure that's really all you want. If you have feelings for him, it's better not to get involved that way because that's pretty much all it'll ever be. Like why date when he's getting it already? You'll be skipping the steps and going straight for sex so make sure you're ok with that.
As long as you keep your feelings in order and realize you two are not going to ever have a real relationship and it is just sex, then go for it.
If you don't feel comfortable with it or feel too nervous or scared, then it's probably best to wait.
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Sounds to me like you like him but are afraid to be friends with benefits.. use your intuition. If you dont want to be with this guy just to fool around be sure you stick up for your self. Do what is best for you :)
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I believe it is best to stay friends until you define your relationship. The term friends with benefits is really a misnomer as at some point one of you wants more than just the benefits and hurt feelings arise from the relationship. Yes, friends with benefits are a form of a relationship one that should not be entered into lightly for the reason I gave.
The fact that you write; "but I get scared, and nervous to do it." Reads to me that you are still in your teenage years, possibly early teenage years and still a virgin. This is another reason to slow down and examine the direction you want a relationship to go.
Trust me when I say I understand your desire to have sex and maybe to haves sex with him. Also trust me when I say if I am correct in guessing your age that this is not the time or the person to have sex with.
I am probably one of the most liberal advisors on here in my age group, being of the grandfatherly age. I consider it hypercritical to tell the young people who write us to wait until they are married to have sex. What your write is to tell you how wrong it is to have sex at too early an age.
Besides all the stuff and warnings parents tell you about and the fear of getting pregnant. You are not physically ready for sex. Yes you may have changed from the pudgy little girl in to a wonderful curvy young woman on the outside. It is your insides that have not changed enough. Yes you can get pregnant. But sex is going to be painful the first few times because your vagina has not matured enough to easily accept a male’s penis.
Sex for the sake of having sex is not very enjoyable, especially if you are young teenagers. It ends up being stolen moments, hoping not to get caught, in a wham bam and maybe a thank you ma'am situation. Which for the girls is rarely very comfortable or satisfying?
Keep him as a friend, you have time to find a lover.
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You said it yourself: you talked to him and agreed on something. So if you want to further clarify what the relationship between you is, talk to him.
As far as getting physical, as long as you're both consenting (and it's legal), then there's no harm done. But be warned that getting physical with someone might mean that you or the other person could develop feelings that the other doesn't, which might lead to a really awkward and unwanted situation.
--Jack
(22/m)
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