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humorist-workshop
Not sure what to expect
Okay so my boyfriend & I have decided we want to take our relationship to the next level. A bunch of my friends said that having sex for the first time really hurts & others said that it doesn't. He has fingered me before & it didn't hurt although I know its nowhere near the same as having sex, but I'm curious about what I can do to make sure the expierience won't be painful..?
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Want to answer more questions in the Sexual Health and Reproduction category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Virginity?
If you're a virgin... I say keep your virginity.
It's a valued virtue, even if society isn't appreciative.
Sex is amazing. There are NO doubts about that.
And I am not that old to lie about that.
HOWEVER...
I noticed you left out a lot about the surrounding circumstances and details about you and your boyfriend... I'm just wondering if you did that intentionally to protect ya'lls privacy or did you do that because if other advicenators caught of whiff of those figures, they'd probably judge you and/or attempt to talk you out of it?
Either way, I think your questions are not only about whether or not it's going to hurt, but whether or not you're/ya'll are ready...
All fresh ass girls are "ready" for sex.
But... the "pain" question is something that almost every female virgin has cross her mind.
The weird part is that each first time is it's own experience. There is no cheat code on experience or advice that it going give YOU your accurate pain-o-meter for the first time. It is an act that you must find out for yourself.
There are many, many reasons its painful.
Alternatively, there are also many, many reasons why it's not.
Currently no one knows your body better than you, so you have the best guess.
You could go in yourself to "feel around" and see if you have any discomfort. But I wouldn't advise moving on to the "freakier" items and things til afterwards....
Take inventory of yourself.
Additionally, there is also a likeliness that he may be a virgin and sex may hurt him as well.
It a rare conversation but.. it's a likeliness...
You old enough to consider sex, so when you do decide to do it, be old enough to control the "tempo" so that your new experience, won't become your worst...
Good Luck
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The reason your friends are giving such varying reports of 'it hurts' vs 'it doesn't, is because too often, no one has read up about having sex beforehand and so, often they do some things wrong so there is pain.
Some believe the Hymen will cause pain. It doesnt have to. It is a very elastic stretch of skin covering a portion along one side or two walls of the vagina. With practice to stretch it out using first one, 2, 3 fingers inserted or if you're old enough to purchase a dildo, that will help to stretch it out.
Another tip to avoid pain with sex, whether first time or your umpteenth time, always use lube. there are many types of Personal lubricants available. Pharmacys and groceries have them but there are even more types available. Some People believe that all women always produce enough personal wetness to take care of it. Maybe a few do. However they are not going to have any of the thicker lubricating mucus available if not properly aroused. Guys usually dont know enough let alone have patience to work on a female long enough with foreplay before entering her. It would be best if both of you do some studying, get educational books for couples on sex how to's, or if too young to purchase that, then the internet has plenty of informations available in articles and on videos.
Some people think it's wrong to work on sex—that it should just flow naturally but studying, learning, coaching, and practicing is important for anything we want to tackle in life. Non or us are going to be pro's the first time but study can avoid the common problems and make a first time more enjoyable.
A last point is for the boyfriend to move in very slowly, a little at a time giving the hymen a chance to adjust and stretch slowly.
Oh one other thing. The females vagina before being fully aroused is an average 3-4 inches in length while an average erect penis is 5-7 inches. So already, you can see that he is longer than available space if he does nothing to arouse her. The period of time needed to get a female aroused can vary, 10, 20 minutes but it can be much longer 1/2 hr to an hr too. However, once there, she stays aroused and doesnt come back down for a long time. Most guys first time dont take the time. When the female is aroused, the uterus and cervix pull up higher inside her and the length of the vagina increases by several inches. Even so, there can occasionally be a guy who is much longer than her aroused length. The other pain comes from the tip of penis ramming too hard into the cervix or slipping to one or the other side of it and hitting nerves that send painful electric shocks down the legs. So its important for the guy to listen to you. And both of you need to communicate almost as if you were a sportscaster giving a verbal account of each little thing. Encourage and say when something feels good, or say ow...wait, and try more lube or to say to go more slowly. If you do all this, you should experience no pain.
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I'm really not much for giving sex advice on a website where 13 year olds are allowed, but I will try.
There is really no way of knowing how first time sex will be. If your partner is patient, if you have a private place that is comfortable & there is no big rush, your experience will be the better for it. Females need lubrication too. It is usually not a problem, however, nerves and fear of the unknown doesn't help things in that department. So you may want to use some lubricant made for that purpose or he can patiently wait until it happens naturally.
That is about the best advice I can give. Please use protection & birth control if at all possible. Free or close to it birth control can be gotten at free clinics, health departments or planned parenthood. See if there is a place near you. I'm sure you already know that but, not everybody does so I tell for those others reading this. Nothing ruins a relationship or piece of mind like worrying about an unwanted pregnancy.
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