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9 year relationship with high school sweetheart going bad, please help.
relationship question. I am desperate for advice. I am 22, my boyfriend is almost 23. we have been dating on and off since we were in 8th grade, so for over 8 years now. we do not live together, we each still live at home with parents. i am 8 weeks away from graduating from college with a 4 yr degree, i also work part time. he has not had a single job in his life, and also dropped out of high school senior year. does not have his GED. our relationship is extremely strained because of this. we cannot go out to movies or out to eat because he is literally broke. his parents are enablers and give him money once or twice a week. he spends the money (usually 10 bucks is given) on beer and lottery tickets.
he is on medication for anxiety, has many social issues and is basically afraid of people. he is really overweight and hates himself for it and always talks about how much he hates life. I love him but it is getting really depressing never being able to do much and i work so hard all the time while he literally sleeps all day and for fun gets drunk with his friends.
whenever i try to talk to him about any of this seriously his temper flares and he immediately shuts down. he has lots of anger issues and has yelled, and i mean yelled at me before and curses at me when he is angry even over something little. i know he loves me, and i feel selfish for saying that isn't enough, but it isn't anymore. i don't know what to do. the obvious thing is to leave but i am trying to do anything in my power to fix things before giving up. i have offered to help him study for his GED but he never brings it up. Thanks for reading.
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Relationships are give and take. You should be able to split responsibilities down the middle, whether they be financial or otherwise. From the sound of things, this guy brings absolutely nothing to the table. If you think about it, he has no incentive to better himself. He's under the impression that you'll always be there to support him, and his parents aren't exactly pushing him out either. He needs a rude awakening. The best thing that could happen would be for you, and hopefully his parents, to kick him to the curb. People like that don't better themselves unless absolutely forced to; and even then they may not step up to the challenge. That would only further drive home the poit how useless he is to you. If he picks himself up by his bootstraps and can make it on his own, maybe give him another shot. Unless he can do that, he's a drain on you in every way.
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Please! Get away and quickly. He is going to drain your spirit as well as your bank account if you stick around. You are doing things with your life and have an incredible future ahead of you but I promise this guy will only bring you down. It's not that hes too depressed to progress in life because clearly he does the things he wants which consist of getting drunk with friends. If you stay with him his verbal abuse will become more frequent and more intense. These are the best years of your life. You are too special and worth so much more than this guy is giving you. You need someone with the same goals, drive, and determination as you have.Someone who will work with you, not against you. You are not responsible for looking yafter him, nor trying to help or fix his problems.
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Oh wow. Razhie is right. You cannot carry on like this.
You grew up & got a life. He didn't. You can be friends with him but I don't think he is boyfriend material at all. You have to move forward.
He may try to sway you but I think you know what you need to do. Not an easy thing for you but you can't put your life on hold for this guy. Life is just to short sweetie. :)
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It's time to end it.
You know that. It sucks, and it hurts and it's disappointing, but you know that.
If your relationship, or your love, or anything you can do could have saved him, it would have. But there nothing you can do beyond what you've done.
You don't owe him your life or your happiness. It's not selfish to admit that plans are taking you in directions he can't follow - because he doesn't want too and he's no equipped too.
Sticking around to try everything possible to make him change isn't going to do anything but frustrate you. He does need help, but it's not the kind of help a girlfriend can give him. He needs a good therapist and a swift kick in the ass.
You will never be that good therapist, but you stand a small chance of being that swift kick when you walk away. It's not a matter of if you dump him anymore, it's just a matter of when you follow through on it.
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