|
humorist-workshop
break up
How to break up with a guy you really care about. We have been dating 3 months. He shows up to my kids sporting events I am not even divorced yet although paper work is filed. I was married 4 years separated in July. I want to focus on me getting more in shape. It's a constant battle inside my head do I want to be with him I do its just not the right time. He is a sweet man. He tells me how much he cares about me how he wants us to work. Although he is looking.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
You are exactly correct in your feelings and desires at this point. I'm sure you are a wonderful person which is why this other man so desperately wants to pursue a relationship with you. He can not help how he feels and his tenacity is sweet but he needs to understand and respect your need for time and space to get your own life in order first. If you haven't already told him and even if you have tell him again that although you care a great deal for him you have a lot on your plate and you are not emotionally available to put 100% into this relationship at this time. Tell him you are happy to have him as a great friend but right now you just can not move forward in the relationship he wants. Remember, you are important. Your feelings and desires matter and if he rely cares about you he will give you time. Of course you can't expect him to wait forever and thats the chance you have to take. You also must think about whats best for your children and thats a mother who has her head in the game feeling complete and satisfied with her self first. Remember, you are a person all by yourself. You don't need another guy or serious relationship. That is something that is an added bonus that will come in time. Like I already said, you are doing the right thing by getting yourself together first. Don't let anyone pressure you into anything you are not ready for. I'm sure your last marriage was quite an eye opening experience that taught you many lessons about life and the world of compromise. Use that experience to make better choices in the future. Good luck and continue being true to yourself.
]
I think you need to tell him that you are just not wanting to rush into yet another relationship right now. If the time were right you would know it.
He may just be the rebound guy that got you back into the game. I think he may understand if you talk to him about it. Maybe you could just be friends & see each other at kids games now and then. If you don't feel comfortable with that just tell him you aren't ready yet. That is perfectly normal & there is nothing wrong with that. :)
]
Getting in shape? What are you talking about? Is this about losing weight first so that YOU feel you are more attractive and thus more worthy of him?
You mention a constant battle in your head.
It sounds like he's already accepted you as you are and is attracted to you without you having to "get in shape". If you want to become more healthy than you already are, adding in exercise and changing a diet, those are things that can be done with a partner, there is no need to break up with a guy for the reason that you physically aren't at the best you can possibly be right now.
If this man is asking you to get in shape and lose weight, then he is not accepting you as you are. A mate should encourage his partner to go for their best but it shouldn't be a deal breaker if they dont make it.
I don't know you so this may be off..but --There is a possibility that what you are dealing with is related to self confidence, your self image. If lacking confidence or have too low a self image, then yes...you need to work on that BEFORE going out and meeting guys. That piece of advice works for those who haven't found another guy yet, so since you have, you'll have to find a way to achieve both...staying with him if you both already have feelings for each other, and dealing with what ever it is you want to deal with.
So what I am saying is that a person does not break up with someone they care about. What you need is to trust in him, gain intimacy where you feel okay sharing with him everything, your strengths and your perceived weaknesses. You need to talk and let him know what you are thinking and struggling with how you want to focus on getting in shape. But dont just toss out phrases like that, explain in detail for him what you mean by that rather than leaving him to guess. tell him that you don't know how you can do that while seeing him and give him a chance to offer his perspective and any possible solutions. Maybe he wants to be able to be a part of it and help you 'get there'.
]
More Questions: |