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sexuality probs
young female
Okay so I'm mostly straight (I've only dated guys), but my first kiss was with a girl (I was at most 7 and my older sister kinda...you get the idea.) and I've made out with a female friend a couple of times.
I come from a strict Catholic family, from a homosexuality standpoint. But the times I made out with my friend, well... they were amazing. The first time we were just messing around and pretending that we were going to kiss eachother, but at one point our lips accidentally met. We both looked shocked for a moment, and then pulled in for another, and started to make out quite intensly. I was becoming a bit overwhelmed afterword, because my parents view it as sin and because we both had boyfriends (we were 12 for gods sake), but she reassured me that we were just practicing on one another. The second time, I was feeling aroused and invited her over. We ended up making out, each taking turns to stimulate the other, and eventually dry humping. We both decided then that that was the farthest we'd go, including 'scissoring'. But that was the last time because I freaked out and almost killed myself over shame.
Now I feel kind of bad, because I could tell that both of us were developing crushes.
I guess my questions are:
1. Is this sin? Should I be ashamed?
-and-
2. should I contact her- the friend- and apologize? Its been 2 years, but we're still in contact.
Thanks.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Firstly its not a sin at all and leavevyor parents to say whatever they want and secondly must be sure about your sexual preferences because if you call her she may still feel something for you
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You like this girl a lot if you tried it on then that's serioyus it is not a sin at all you should try contacting her as well coz she may feel the same way you do so if you feel sexually aroused then try it on again don't confront anyone unless you 100% trust them!!!!
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Let me start by saying I do not believe homosexuality is a sin. I feel this way because it has been proven to me and I have proven it to myself that one does not just decide to become gay or lesbian. This is the way they are born.
I am also not a very religious person I do not believe in organized religions but I do believe in a higher power. For lack of another term I call that power God. This makes me an Agnostic, not an atheist.
Given what my beliefs are then I also believe that we are all made by god. This means homosexuals also are made by god therefore it cannot be a sin to be a homosexual. Of course this is my feelings based on my thoughts, my beliefs and my research and reading.
God has given us the power to think for ourselves. Your parents have taught you their believes. Now is the time for you to take what god has given you and what your parents have taught you and decide what your beliefs are, what you believe is right for you. Nothing says you have to accept every belief your parents have exposed you to. You have the right and the power to question and to decide for yourself how you feel. These feeling will change greatly when you marry and you and your husband mold your family beliefs that you want to pass on to your children.
As to apologizing to your friend. First I don't see anything to apologize for. What happened between you was perfectly normal for young teenagers just starting through puberty. I would hazard a guess that as many as 80 to 90 percent of all teenagers first sexual experience is with a same sex partner. As you said it is done to practice on one another or to learn about sex and our own sexuality. There was no reason to freak out and I'm very glad you did not hurt yourself over this.
So the question as to whether you should apologize is this. You two are still friends. Do you think what happened is something that is coming between you, meaning not allowing you to be closer friends? Do you, after reading what I said feel guilty?
If the answer to my questions is yes. Then you might consider having a conversation with her and asking her if what happened is a wedge between the two of you? If so, why? It may be that what you feel you need to apologize for is not what you need to apologize for. she may have entirely different feelings about what happened. So I suggest you talk then decide if and what you need to apologize for.
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Oh hon, I'm so sorry to hear how you're carrying such a load of guilt.
Your parents are doing their best to raise you as they saw was the most proper way to do including religious beliefs. I did the same with my girls, a different type of church but same thing regarding certain beliefs. As they got older, like 14-18, they began to have some differing ideas, nothing major, one started out wanting to attend a different church with her friends family and the youngest had some psychic experiences that she felt she couldn't tell me of since the church considered that evil and taboo so she ended up going to her aunt with it. I am not so narrow minded now and believe God himself took me on a spiritual journey of lots of eye opening and revelations to my heart, nothing that anyone else told me. I only made these changes later in life to learn to think and believe for myself, not blindly follow what someone else says.
So I encourage you to read anything and everything you can about homosexuality from both viewpoints, those who are christian and say its sin and those who are christians or spiritual people who support it. You need to decide for yourself what is right. It is through our experiences in life that we come to believe certain things, truly believe them so that no matter what anyone else says, or objects to, we know what we know deep in our hearts and nothing can ever change that.
So ask yourself if deep inside, while doing it, you felt you were doing something wrong. There are so many religions in the world and everyone thinks they have it right, and all the rest are wrong. What if everyone had one or two pieces of the truth, but the rest of their beliefs were off or totally wrong? There's a saying, Do not throw the baby out with the bathwater.
So keep those parts of the belief that you sense are right and discard those that don't. Develop your own senses for what is right or wrong. Your inner voice, and your angels and God will speak to you and let you know if the way you are going is okay or not. Too many people have presumed to understand and know who God is and what he's really like and what he considers a sin. Do you think you have sinned when you get a bad grade on a test? I certainly hope not. I dont think any student would think that getting a failing grade is equivalent to sinning against God.
The earth is our classroom dear, our life is like passing grade levels as we mature. Sometimes we have to make repeated mistakes to learn something. In archery, to sin simply means to miss the bullseye, miss the mark. I am sure God rejoices once we learn but he is not ever angry with us when we do anything in life, no matter if we label it good or bad, as long as we learn something that we are personally meant to learn. God himself is our only standard, not the bible or any religion. Get close to GOD and hear from him personally and you will know if you are doing the right thing for you.
Just as there are different learning styles, there will be even more different paths for every living person to take, one that is uniquely meant to be experienced only by him/her because it is on that path they will be more likely to learn or remember and mature and grow on. Thats all a parent really wants, for their child to grow into the healthiest person they can be as an adult both mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritu
ally. And yes that is Gods goal too.
remember how you felt like killing yourself over what you'd done? The area of sexuality is one of the biggest reasons that teens actually do kill themselves. The kids don't feel there is any support from the family, and society really has very little clue and is so biased or uneducated. This should not be so.
Truthfully, I think there are very few options for teen girls to take care of their blossoming sexual urges from age 10 on. You cannot go and purchase vibrators or dildos, and after a while, just using your fingers doesnt cut it. The safest thing for a young girl, is to have sex with another girl, even safer than getting on birth control like the pill and having sex with a guy at that early an age, because the hormones in the contraceptives really mess with a young body that isn't even fully done growing yet. Many females get many terrible side effects from hormone based stuff so the best choice they have is to explore with another girl, whether they really truly are bi-sexual, gay or not.
When being intimate with someone, feelings will easily develop, its natural. You will discover once your much older that even with a guy
there has to be some feelings for the sex to be good, otherwise it doesnt always last long.
My opinion is that you have nothing to be ashamed about.
Should you apologize to your friend? You only need to apologize if you have done something wrong. Neither of you forced the other or black mailed the other to explore sex. It was a decision you both made and made you become closer than most girlfriends would. Cherish those memories. If you have other related questions or thoughts you want to get out, just write to me. I am pretty open-minded sexually. In the end, what you do, and the beliefs you form must be your own, I can only share other perspectives you may not have thought of yet that help you decide what you believe and what path you will take in life.
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