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The ex-girlfriend!
Me and my boyfriend have been dating for over a year now. Around about the time we got in a relationship together, it had been 3 years since him and his ex girlfriend had been split. All the way through our relationship, she has done nothing but harass him. Sometimes she will go weeks without texting him, then she will harass him all day for days, it's mostly when she's drunk. She sometimes texts him in a general chit chat, like "Hi, how are you?" Etc, and he replies being short and blunt, but when she texts him saying she loves him, he just says ok and haha. She knows he is with me, so why won't she leave him alone? Why won't he tell her to leave him alone? He says he feels sorry for her, I tell him that the only way she's going to get over you is for you to completely blank her. When he sees her in public, he won't even look at her. Why is this? I've told him to ignore her, for her to move on but he just doesn't listen... I know he doesn't have feelings for, but why is this? What can I do?
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So you've been with your boyfriend for over a year, and she's been doing this throughout your relationship?
I'm just wondering why he still keeps her number.
Ok, so maybe he's just one of those guys that are too nice and are afraid of being mean. But if he isn't, then he's probably enjoying the attention of having this girl obsessed with him.
So you gave him the best advice. To just stop talking to her and she'll get the hint. But he's not taking it, so my advice to you would be for you to ask him to stop talking to her. That you're finding it really disrespectful that he's texting his ex still after this time. Don't argue, just tell him.
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Back off and relax.
You've given your boyfriend the best possible advice: He needs to cut her out. Her behaviour has crossed the line to bullying, and he needs to stop accepting it.
And eventually, he probably will, but he's not there yet, and that doesn't have to be your problem.
Yes, it's annoying, and yes, it's offensive.
But if you know he is faithful, than just take a deep breath, and file this under "Not my problem." By all means, keep reminding him that the right response to this is to just cut her out, tell her off, and stop having any contact with her... but calm yourself down and let him do it when he's ready.
Lots of people are afraid of being mean - even to people they have no feelings for. He'll come around eventually, and frankly, you might help him get there faster if you take a back seat, tell him it's his problem to solve, and let him do it. Your frustration with her might simply make him feel the need to defend her. Letting it go can help the person feel the full annoyances of bad behaviour themselves.
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Over the course of a 3 years of his ex harassing your relationship, Why hasn't he put any effort into making it stop? Why hasn't he changed his number, blocked her or even grown brass balls to tell her to stop? I'm sorry for my blunt rant but it sounds to me that he isn't doing much to stop the problem but rather antagonize and escalate her to make the problem worse. Perhaps he gets a high off messing with her head, but in the end it is damaging on behalf of your relationship with him. His immaturity is what is going to drift you both apart. I feel personally that in some aspect he still cares otherwise he would of left the situation high and dry a long time ago.
You need to talk to him, Give him the ultimatum. Either he grow up or you move on.
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