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Im pushing him away..
Im pushing my boyfriend away. Im 16 hes 17. We been together for 10 months on December 2nd. I have a BAD JEALOUSY problems and bad TRUST issues. Hes cheated on me before in the past. Im trying to trust him again and I do then I stop again. We fight so much. Im always mad about something, him texting this girl everyday. He comments on instagram photos saying to text him and stuff, ofcourse im going to get mad. Hes my bestfriend so how can I stop this? How can I stop pushing him away?? Please help me I don't want to lose him.. I need as much advice as I can get!!!
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Unfortunately, When someone cheats in a relationship it can be very damaging to the point where we cannot allow ourselves to truly forgive someone. We can "forgive" but we can't truly "forgive"
The problem is that you don't trust him, If he cheated then I do not blame you. However, If you cannot both be faithful and trust one another then you do not have a relationship. This isn't really a factor of age, Maybe just a tad but the main source of the problem is how you handle a relationship and the maturity to be able to hold a relationship as two.
In my personal opinion, It is a mistake to forgive someone who cheats in a relationship, It is also a mistake to take someone back. Once someone damages a relationship, It's almost impossible to get that relationship back to what it once was. Meaning, In order to truly repair a damaged relationship you both must be mature enough to work as two.
Basically, You both are not right for one another. You are stringing along a relationship that is not there.
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You both are both in the wrong in your relationship.
Yours is obviously the jealousy and his is the not listening to you and talking to other girls.
Honestly, jealousy and the trust problems you have are natural. If my boyfriend was texting other girls and commenting on instagram for them to text you, I'd be very upset. I think it's just the way you're handling it. You need to talk to him without getting mad. That will push him away. You need to tell him that you are his girlfriend, you're not ok with him texting other girls. Even if he says they are just friends, it doesn't look good to other people. The relationship between you two aren't looked at seriously.
If he doesn't stop, then he's not respecting you. You don't stay with guys who don't respect you.
You can't make him stop doing anything, but you can express how you feel without arguing with him. If it just doesn't get through to him, dump him.
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A lot of your issues are 'age-related'. This is a time in life when teens are just starting to explore the realm of relationships and dating without any clue as to what they are doing, just going by letting their 'feelings and emotions' lead them, and that method of learning comes with lots of frustration and pain cus thats the school of hard knocks. Although I will say that there are older adults who too have problems with jealousy, trust in relationship, commitment, communication problems, etc... One hopes that with age will come a maturity to know how to go about relationships better but thats not always the case.
However the best thing I can advise is reading books on dating, relationships, the differences between men and women intellectually...how they think.
Also take time to focus on you. Do you compare yourself to other girls? If you do, thats the wrong thing to do. There is no such thing as one girl or guy better at something than the other, just "different". We have different talents, weaknesses, hopes, dreams, morals. You need to ask yourself first Want is it I need in a friend or boyfriend. And then ask what is it you want.
Needs are different from wants. A need is something you will not compromise on. If the person you are considering does not have the maturity level yet to be able to fill that need, then do not associate with the person, whether a girlfriend Or a boyfriend! For me, in considering my 2nd husband, some needs were someone as talkative and good communication skills as me, trustworthy, honest, open-minded, spiritual, thinks for his-self instead of following the crowd. The wants were just the icing on the cake, not necessary but would be nice. I like to sing so it would've been nice if he liked to sing too but he doesn't. I wanted a guy with long hair and he's got long hair. The needs are the crucial part. Once you know what you are looking for, learn how to recognize when a guy has or does not have those traits. If he doesn't, dont be wasting your time with him. Your jealousy will come from comparing yourself. The way to get over that is to realize that once a guy is mature enough to go looking only for that one girl who is everything he needs and wants, he will looks for only that and there is no other girl, no matter the size of her chest, her looks, her wealth, etc...that will catch his attention and make him want her for he is wired to only want what you have. Of course he must gain this confidence in you by how he treats you, desires you, confirms with words how he feels about you all the time. It doesnt just happen without any input from him. I dont know the issues of what is was that you termed "cheating", but i will say that for any relationship to work, it takes maximum effort from both parties to make it work. If you begin to work on your self to mature and have a better self image, self worth and understand relating to guys better, he must be doing the same thing. It cant be one sided.
There is no real relationship possibilities if you two can't talk it out face to face where you have cues from facial expressions and body language. Let him know how you are feeling lack of trust and realize you have some jealousy to work out. (jealousy is a fear of losing something)
You might discuss having better communication between you and even set up some ground rules you both agree upon for your relationship. Such as if he promised to help his buddies sister with a homework assignment in a subject he's an ace at, then knowing that she is a teen girl that you could possibly feel jealous of if you discovered he spent some time with her, it is best for him to let you know ahead of time that he has promised to help. If he is trustworthy and his character is to be helpful to people and he has no romantic interest in this girl, then if you can't handle the fact he is going to help her with homework, then it is entirely your issue and you can't blame him for anything. Communication is key in any relationship. Start sharing but not placing blame. Start sentences with I feel, rather than You did, or You make me feel...
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