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My parents are making me break up with my boyfriend
I just told them about him today, and I've been dating him for several months. He's quite a bit older than me, but that's not the problem. He also lives very far away (he's come to visit me multiple times). My parents say it's the combination of the two, and they don't like what he does for a living - he doesn't make enough.
I'm 18 years old and just started college. I wanted to visit him over winter break, but my parents said that if I go, they're not paying for my tuition next quarter.
I'm not breaking up with him. What should I do? Do I have other options? Thanks
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You are legally an adult and your parents can no longer make decisions for you when it comes to relationships. You are entitled to date and see who ever you wish whether your parents approve or not. They cannot MAKE you do anything, A relationship is yours and yours to make on your own, You are an adult now. A relationship and love isn't about someone's money, It's about happiness. If I was based about money, I most certainly wouldn't be happily married right now. Life live for YOU and do what makes YOU happy, Not everyone else around you.
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I don't know your parents, is this the only instance where they have been controlling in their attitude? If so, its like Adviceman says, they feel they are protecting you and if you still want to go to college, then you have the Mexican standoff.
If they have done this kind of thing with you before in other situations, then it's time you realize that your life is yours to live, the choices yours to make, and the not so perfect choices, for you to learn from on your own.
Trying to shield and coddle ones child in effort to protect them from ever having any bad experiences in life means the young person never has a chance to go through the process of learning how to make good decisions for themselves. At this point in life, mom and dads role should be switching from mothering and fathering to being your sounding board, people you can go to for advice such as you are doing with us. We give you input because you asked for it. Same with them, only if you ask. If you don't, they need to learn how to zip their lip and support you in your decisions, even if they think you are making a mistake being with that guy. And if they were right, they need to be there for you for emotional support later without saying I told you so and beating you over the head for the choices you made. I am a parent of 3 adult young ladies in their 20's. Before I say anything, I ask, I have an opinion on that, may I share it with you? Because of my attitude in being a good sounding board, not intrusive and supportive no matter what, I have good communication with my daughters and they share lots of details about their lives with me. And they ask for my help and opinion, advice.
Since school is part of the stand off, you're going to have to decide how important school and whatever degree is to you. There are some things one must get an education to do like being a doctor. But getting a business degree or biology degree these days, or pretty much a majority of degrees, does not guarantee that you will ever find a job where you can use your degree. People with degrees have taken burger joint jobs just to survive. Thats the world we live in today. You have to work harder to sell yourself, degree or not, just to get a job.
So depending on what you are going for in college, it may or may not be a good idea to stay with it. For example, if you're only going for the degree they want you to go for and your heart is not in it, thats not a good reason to go for it, in the past in still was, in todays economy, in my opinion, no.
require a 2 yr and under trade school, then you may be able to handle it by working and paying for it on your own, like beautician school, welding, masseuse, automotive, culinary, computer tech,etc...
If this is what the parents are paying for, and you'd rather not put yourself through trade school, then you'll have to jump through their hoops which means not seeing your
guy. Its really your decision to make. They could pull this same threat at other times of year until you finally graduate and if you want them to pay for schooling, you'd have to be stuck with their demands. Can you see yourself not being able to date him or anyone until you graduate college? Perhaps they won't threaten to not pay if they liked the guy, he was local and earned a fair living. But you won't know that until you get to that situation if you ever do. Right now it looks like if you can't see him in person, is he willing to just text and skype? And do the parents have problems when he comes to visit here? Or perhaps they don't know about those. They could give the ultimatum that you can't see him even when he visits your area. Basically, you've got to decide how important school is to you. A skill or trade or several skills or trades is what is needed to survive in todays world, cus just from people I know, those are the ones finding jobs. It could be different elsewhere
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You are 18 years old; technically and legally you are an adult legally responsible for yourself. What this means is you do not have to listen to your parents and your parents are no longer under any legal obligation to cloth you, feed you, house you, school you or in any manner be responsible for you.
That is the legal side of things. The moral and loving side of things is entirely different. Being old enough to be your grandfather I have been where you and your parents are right now. Call it a Mexican stand off or a game of chicken to see who is going to blink first.
Yes, as your parent I want to see to it that you get an education. I also want to protect you to the best extent I can. If the only weapon I have at my disposal to make you see what I believe is wrong or force you to see it. Then I might have to use that weapon. This is what your parents are doing.
You don't say how much of an age difference there is between you. Frankly I do not think it is the age difference that worries them. With daughters our biggest worry is unwed pregnancy. This is what worries them by you spending the winter break with him. They know sex will be involved and that scares them.
Sure you may be sexually active at school and your parents may even think you are. If they do they might feel that your sexual activity is infrequent enough that the odds of pregnancy is lower. Where as spending the entire winter break with him would probably mean frequent sex and greater chance of pregnancy. You could still be a virgin and you will not be able to allay this fear for them.
What I am sure of is your parents love you and want the best for you. While legally they do not have to support you their love for you allows them to do so until you are capable of doing so. From that point on they will be there in the background so to speak to fill in where you may need them; financially and otherwise.
My son for instance is twice your age. He makes more money that I do, which is the way things are suppose to be. But he has more bills to pay than I do. Also the way things are today. He is trying to buy a house. Buying a house even before the first mortgage payment has it own expenses. So like my parents did for me I am doing for him. I am filling in the blanks in his finances when he needs to pay for something and he is short. Things like this are what parents do out of love not any obligation legal or otherwise.
So what are your options?
You could play the game with them and see if they blink. I don't know your parents so I can't say if they will or will not.
You could do as they say and in effect live to fight another day.
The third option is to find a compromise. Remember the definition of compromise is to find a position neither party likes but both parties could live with. One such idea that comes to mind would be to ask mom, dad or both to accompany you to wherever the BF lives. In this way they one of them or both has the opportunity to meet him and they also are in effect chaperoning you as well.
As I said not the best solution to your problem but one I think you can live with.
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What I think you should do is intr
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