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First boyfriend talking about sex
-I am female
My boyfriend conner and Me are both 16. He was my first kiss only recently, We have been dating for about a month (ONLY!). He is sooo sweet to me and wants to make sure he doesn't upset me... But I know that he is not a virgin (and he drinks) and that he has been VERY sexually active (one night stands, etc) I am a virgin, never been touched by anyone or anything. Im christian, and previously was/am planning on saving myself for marriage, or at least until I'm older. I am (was?) as innocent as i could be, honestly. My parents are very very strict, an are putting a ton of pressure on me from the opposite end. Recently he has pushed me toward getting more physical. At one point I told him that we were moving too quickly, and he backed off for a while, but then continued to push farther. I really like him, I don't want to ruin our relationship... He is very involved/ dedicated in the relationship and has made it clear he is looking for a long lasting relationship. We have discussed some of the points above...
I feel like we are sooo so so early in our relationship. He understands that I was to move slowly, but I don't think he realized how slowly I want to go! I'm not prepared emotionally to give myself away, especially to someone who I wouldn't yet say that I love.
The main problem is that I'm horrible at saying no. What my body and heart tells me is contrasting directly with what my brain says. We have gone farther than I care to go, mostly because Conner is pushy after I tell him no... And I don't know if it's to late to backtrack? Im sure he expects sex eventually, but I don't know if I will be ready for that huge step ANY time soon, probably not. I'm not good at communicating my feelings out loud, and it's making me anxious.
Just in case you want to know, we have gone as far as: making out, him touching me over (minimal) clothing, and basically dry humping... (Yikes)
I'm acting on impulse when I'm with him like this, and I feel a little different about this situation when we are apart. I do like him a lot, I feel like I want to have sex much later (even when we are apart), but I think the guilt of my parents and religion would ruin it for me? What if it doesn't work out?
HELP!!
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This is a huge step, and a very crucial step of which in a relationship, but if you're not ready to take it then, DON'T take it, and if he is pushing this decision upon you, to a point of which is uncomfortable for you, and your beliefs, then maybe you should consider other choices, because long term relationships, are called long term for a reason, and that is that, it is a huge commitment, that both partners, need to feel and have, in order to make it a long term relationship. And if you don't click then you don't click and that's that.
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Lots of girls have gone through your situation, unfortunately.
I had an unfortunate incident when I was 16. My boyfriend at the time was very sweet to me. He had at least 10 girlfriends before me though. Which I think is a ridiculous amount to have by the age of 17..or even in general.
Anyways, at the time, I was saving myself till marriage and didn't want to become sexual at all. He respected that for the most part, but in the moment, he would be pushy. Eventually I gave in, I didn't go all the way, but I went farther than I had wanted to. Then he wanted more and more and I got myself into a bad situation where I ended up raped.
So, I'm not saying that will happen to you. But you should not be in a relationship when you don't know how to say no.
You wouldn't have really expected it, the guy I was with was genuinely a nice guy and wanted a future with me and was dedicated to the relationship but in the end he was just too pushy and did not respect me at all.
Your boyfriend doesn't truly respect you. You tell him you're not ready, he backs off, but then does it again. He's pretty much going with "I'll make her change her mind." You don't owe him sex no matter how far you've already gone with him.
So in my opinion, your not ready for this kind of relationship, or maybe even a relationship at all.
My reasons for this are..
-You're having problems communicating your feelings out loud. Which will end up giving him mixed signals on how far he can go.
-You stated you're horrible at saying no. Which can end things badly for you and can lead you to doing things you don't want to do.
-You've already gone farther than you intended to go, because your boyfriend is pushy and doesn't respect your feelings.
-You do things on impulse in the heat of the moment. Don't get yourself into those situations.
Communication is very important in a relationship. If you can't communicate and talk about important things, it just won't last anyways. So if you still think you want to be with him, sit him down, tell him that you don't want to have sex. You don't want to become sexual. You're just not ready. If you change your mind, you will let him know.
If he understands, then that's fine. If in the future he starts doing it again, don't stay with him.
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I am much older than most of the adviser on this site. In fact I am old enough to be your grandfather. I am also very liberal in my views especially when it comes to sex.
Let me start by saying Conner is a player in my view. Boys his age do not define love as girls do. In fact to most teenage boys lust and love are synonymous. Many boys his age will tell their girl friends that if they loved them they will have sex with them. You may hear this from Conner. I believe you are in a manner of speaking already hearing it from him by how fast he is pushing past where you are willing to go. Don't allow him to do this.
Don't have sex with him to prove your love for him. Sex is not meant as a tool to prove your love it is the natural outcome of the love two people have for each other.
My advice is to tell Conner that you are not ready for sex and he has pushed you further than you want to go. If he is truly interested in you then he has to prove this to you by backing off or you do not want to see him anymore. I suspect that once you say this to him you will not see him any more for he will leave you.
Conner is a first love for you. First loves can be very meaningful at least for the women/girl. Unfortunately you are not Conner's first love and I feel he has an agenda which ends with having sex with you and then he will move on to another. This is what makes him a player.
I would suggest that as much as it hurts you let Canner go and find a nice boy at church who has the same principals as you do. Will you remain a virgin until your wedding night. I can only hope you do, most of us have not and will not. For those that do, especially the women, they are giving their husbands a very special gift that can only be given one time. For the right man, your husband, it is a most meaningful gift.
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