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I'm worried about my future.
I normally wouldn't be telling strangers on the internet this, but I'm worried about my future.
Right now, I'm living with my father who often begs me for money, thus making it difficult for me to save up to go back to college. I'm also on government supports because I'm autistic. My original plan was to save up, go back to school, get a real job, and never have to rely on government assistance again. But now I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it.
I'm also worried about what will happen if I ever live with a spouse in the future. In my home (Ontario, Canada), the government likes to punish disabiled people for finding love or getting married by taking their partner's earnings (if they aren't on disability) and subtracting it from their disability cheques-sometimes leaving those disabled people with no money and having to rely solely on their partner for support. My boyfriend and I love each other very much (we've been together for one year and two months) and want each other to be around for a long time. If we live together (because I don't want to lie and get in trouble with the government), I'm scared I won't be able to find work by then have us live in poverty. He knows I've been homeless once and lived in poverty in the past, and wants to be there to take care of me (he promised my mother he would after she left my father and I to live in another province). He also wants to make sure I never worry about money again, because of my housing/money situation. God bless him! And trust me, before disability I tried so many times work in my area, without a college education (I tried to study something before but dropped out because of financial issues) but it is very difficult. Especially for someone who's never had a hint of work or volunteering experience. I figured disability would help me get back to school but my father keeps on asking me for money because he is irresponsible and always has loans to pay off. So now I don't know if I'll ever be okay in the future. I often get anxiety attacks and having crying episodes because of my situation right now. And I'm afraid of my world falling apart again after working so hard to bring it back up.
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I know you feel as a daughter you are obligated in some way to help your father with his financial problems. In fact you are not. By doing so you are enabling him to continue as he is giving him no reason to stand on his own two feet. There must be a reason you mom left him, his financial irresponsibility might be one of them. If your father was ill and needed a caretaker I might feel otherwise.
Your first responsibility as an adult is to make your own way in the world. This means to do as you have been trying to do which is get an education and find a good paying job. Not to rely on government aid for food and shelter. Government aid when needed should be looked at as short term assistance while you make a long term plan for financial responsibility.
You have the plan you need to follow it and let you father fend for himself. Like most people with a dependency, which is what his dependence on your giving him money is. He will not help himself for he has no reason to; he has not hit bottom yet. Until he does he has no reason to help himself.
IF you truly want what you are planning for then you will have to turn a deaf ear to him and allow him to sink or swim on his own. Follow your plan so you can have a happy life. Marry and have children if that is what your plan is.
As someone old enough to be your grandfather I think if your father is capable of working or living of whatever income he has. Then it is wrong of him to be dependent on you for his financial irresponsibility.
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