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Bf threatened to hit me but later apologised
I'm a 22yr old female from India . I've been in a relationship since the past 3 yrs and never has my bf abused me despite being short tempered. 2 days back we had an argument in his car, and he pushed me to the point where I couldn't stand sitting there any longer. I asked his driver to stop the car but my bf wouldn't let me out.I tried opening the door slightly, only so it would force his driver to stop. It was then that my bf threatened to slap me if I did it again saying I could cause an accident . I was too humiliated and angry to think rationally and he threatening me only made me do it again wanting to get out immediately . He then raised his hand as if he was going to strike. I was too shocked and hurt to react any more. He later made the driver get down so he could speak to me alone. He apologised saying he would never have hit me and only wanted to scare me so I would stop. It lead to a nasty argument after which he drove rashly making me hit myself against the side window. I began to cry and he apologised fervently saying he was sorry he hurt me but never intended to. I haven't spoken to him since and can't bring myself to either. What should I do?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Abusive Relationships?
I married at 20. After a few months he showed his true self. He was verbally abusive and had a temper. I stayed with him almost 30 years and we have 3 girls. It was not a healthy situation for the girls to witness, his verbal abuse of me and often losing his temper with them too. As the years went on, he began to go beyond verbal abuse to pushing me and shoving me. On occasions, I narrowly missed being injured. When I talked to professionals, I discovered that verbal abuse almost always leads to physical abuse.
I threatened to leave him if he actually hit me and somehow that kept him at bay but the shoving me around was occuring more frequently and as I said, i was just likely I did not hit my head as I lost my balance and fell. I did not let that stage go on for long...it was for the last year I was with him that he shoved me. Then I left.
Here's what helped me leave. I asked myself if I could put up with his terrible behavior, where I was emotionally hurt and scared and shoved if it was just one more day. Yes I could. one day isn't much. I asked myself if I could put up with it for just one more week. Yes I could easily still answer yes. For another month. I was feeling annoyed...I dont want to but I think I can.
How about another year, could I handle him one more year. I felt pretty agitated at that thought but told myself, you can do it, you;ve done it before. Then I asked myself if I could see myself being with him for the next 5 to 10 years into the future. All of a sudden my heart fell, my emotions felt crushed, I felt depressed...I had been forcing myself through day after day. But at that moment, I realized I could not go through this for another 5 or 10 years. the sad thing is that waiting those years for the man to change and improve is not going to happen. People with these kinds of issues rarely change except for the worse. My advice is to ask him about going for counseling for his anger issues. If he isn't willing, then cut it off with him right away. Or do so now if you feel that is the right thing to do.
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I don't blame you for not speaking to him. When you trust somebody not to hurt you, it hurts to know that it could possibly happen.
It's not good for him to do things like that. He could definitely possibly be abusive. It already sounds like he's verbally abusive as he has a short temper and can't control himself around you when you guys get in a fight. He's also driving you to hurt yourself so it just doesn't seem healthy at all.
He needs to get some help on managing his anger, while you need some time away from him.
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Listen, this type of behavior your boyfriend is displaying is unacceptable. The things he is doing to you right now are abusive, and if not handled immediately, will soon turn into physical abuse. I know this probably sounds ridiculous, but breaking up with him would be your best option. You are your own person, and should have a right to say no when you want to without fear of being hurt. Please, he may have genuine signs of regret when he hurts you, but that doesn't make him any less dangerous. Stop this now, before you make a mistake that will cost you far more than the guilt you will feel after breaking up with him. Good luck to you and ask me on my coloum if you would like to hear more from me or need some emotional support because this will be hard.
Best wishes to you, AspiMisfit
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