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How do I know if he's the one? Been with him for 6 months?
So I've been with my boyfriend for almost 6 months. We didn't do the normal dating thing like most people.
We immediately hit it off almost like love at first sight (which I never believed in before him). We spent almost every single day together and both went out of our way to see the other.
About month 2 I lost my virginity to him at 18.
Half way through month 3 we moved in together to a beautiful apartment in a luxury complex after saving up (we both worked full time).
We've been living together ever since and I think we're both happier then ever before.
However I lost my job a month ago after being laid off. Ever since I've been searching every day for hours and hours for a new job. Luckily my father saved up about 3k for me and so I had that to fall on.
From there things got kind of complicated for me.
When I got the $3,000 my boyfriend was too happy about it. I told him I was getting a new phone but I traded in my old phone so I got my new phone for FREE. But then he wanted a new phone too. The problem is once he got a new phone the cost added up because he chose a $300 phone, the deductible was $100 and he chose a $100 worth of accessories ($500).I paid for all of it with the savings money to make him happy.
From there he kept wanting to do things that cost money and I paid a few bills with it and less then two weeks later we're down to $1600. I still have to pay rent which is $754.
We do have his income too but I feel like now he just wants to use all of my money from my Dad and that we're going to wind up not having any left. Then again though I've always been very paranoid about my money because I didn't have much as a kid. Before I had the savings money he paid for my car payment ($315) and my car insurance ($160) as well as more than half the rent ($400 since the full rent is $754) and groceries ($150) so I feel like I don't have a right to ask him to not use my money and he still plans on paying for my car payment and whatever else I can't pay until I get a job.
We're also having problems in bed or I should say I am. When we wants to have sex it's all about him. We've been having sex for months now and it still hurts every time for me. I've yet to have an orgasm but he always gets off. I'm starting to feel like it's my problem because most of the time I don't enjoy it at all and I don't know why. We've tried different positions and that didn't really help for me. He refuses to buy lube for me because he doesn't think that's the problem.
Other than those two things he's really the sweetest and most attractive guy I've been with. He's been very patient with me not having a job even though he works 50+ hours and very considerate of everything else. He does a lot to try and make me happy (like spontaneous day trips and going out to eat to nice places).
He's always telling me he wants to marry me and calling me his "wife" and sends me sweet little messages all day long like "you're my whole world." or "I love you more than anything, I will never leave you baby <333".
I love him so much and anytime I think of not having him in my life I feel cold and depressed.
He's really my best friend too. I don't have very many friends and none that I can hang out with.
We do everything together and I love him coming home from work at night and spending time with me instead of his friends because he doesn't want me to be alone.
I love cooking him dinner and cleaning the apartment and doing things for him to make him happy too.
But am I missing something? I want to marry him because I figure we can work around the flaws we have and I'm no walk in the park either. I've gotten angry with him for selfish reasons and snap at him probably once a week for something dumb. Like last night I made dinner and he doesn't like vegetables so I made his bowl differently and put all of the veggies in mine. He was trying to take my bowl out of my hand and I screamed at him to stop and that it was my bowl because he kept trying and then he got upset and walked away with his bowl and later told me he was going to put the bowl I was holding down so he could pick me up and kiss me and that he wasn't trying to take my food. I felt awful the whole rest of the night.
I also get upset that he hasn't proposed to me yet. He told me on our 3 month anniversary that he'd wanted to propose to me then (but we were saving for the apartment)and he talks about proposing to me all the time so now it's like every date night that goes by I expect him to propose to me in my head which I know is horrible but I feel like he put the idea in my head.
I'm also scared that I might be making a mistake if we do stay together and get married. Some little voice in the back of my head is asking if he's really the one and if I'm too young to get married. I mean it's only been 6 months I know couples who have been together for 7 years who aren't even engaged...
I just can't imagine him not being the one though, he's done so much for me and he's met all of my family and he was the one I lost my virginity too. I can't imagine not marrying him and the very idea of him being with anybody else is infuriating.
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I can't say I know too much about the money situation. That's tough, and you obviously don't want to use all the money your father left for you. Explain to your boyfriend that you only want to use the money for necessities, not for going out or for "wants". Do if for the things you actually need like food and rent.
As for sex, it's selfish of him not to buy lube or even to just try it for you. You need to sit down and talk to him about that as well. Sex is a part of a relationship and if you're not happy with it, it will cause problems. Also, a lot of girls have orgasms during foreplay rather than during actual sex. So spend more time with foreplay and see if that helps.
I'm 19 and I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years and I still don't feel ready to get married any time soon. Everybody is different though. If some little voice in the back of your head is asking if you're too young or he's not the one, then you definitely need to wait. You don't want to jump into that when you still have doubts. Also, since you lost your job, getting engaged now wouldn't be that smart.
You guys haven't been together for very long. You're still getting to know more and more about each other. You guys jumped in really fast and skipped the whole dating stage and you're already living together.
You guys still have some serious things to work on before you guys decide to get engaged. He definitely could be the one for you, but just be careful and know what you're doing. I'd say wait awhile before thinking about getting married any time soon. If he is the one, you don't need to be in a rush.
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Always listen to your inner voice, that gut instinct that tells you something is not quite right. I married at 20. That was too young because I did not have enough life experience with relationships yet to know better that the guy I was marrying was a big mistake in more ways than one.
So you feel you're too young to marry, then don't marry yet. What comes first is you.
Before marriage, focus on yourself, at 18, you haven't had a chance to live much, outside of school, and discover new things about yourself, that you like, and also to grow and mature more.
Part of it is not your fault...the frontal parts of the brain which are responsible for making good decisions, aren't fully developed until our mid twenties, maybe a year or two earlier. So if only for that one reason, it's a good idea to wait. Nothing wrong in just living together for all that time. Although as you mature, you may come to a more firm conviction, that he is the right one or definitely not the right one.
As for the sex department....it's a life long learning experience, theres always something new to experience, so at 18, the our two of you really know very little yet compared to what you'll know at 25 or 30. Pain can be for several different reasons. You could be smaller in circumferance than him or he could be longer than the length of your vagina. We do produce some natural body lube but for the most part, it is never enough. If he is forcing himselff in with no use of lube, that can put fine tears in your delicate skin and cause you pain.
As for not having orgasms, I never had any with my ex. Not until my 40s did I have any with a guy.
Two reasons exist for a woman to not have orgasms with her man. Anyone can have sex, but it takes more than just the act for a female to experience enough excitement and passion to be able to come to orgasm. It takes a special kind of sexual chemistry which i lacked with first husbanlad. Had no idea it wasnt there as I married without having ever had sex with him, church beliefs. I teach my daughters otherwise. Test drive the man before you marry him. LOL
So since you're living with him, this is a good opportunity to figure out if its lack of that spark or strong enough spark or chemistry OR if it's his technique and both your and his lack of knowledge on how a woman has a clitoral, g spot or A spot orgasm. I will post a link to a med schools 2 short videos that I found very helpful. You can then search for you tube videos on g spot orgasms once you both know where the spot is and proceed to work on it. Clit orgasm is a more localized one where the G and A spots is full body orgasms where the females whole body can be thrashing about, and her face and chest can flush beet red, etc... If you have more questions, just write to my column dear. If your guy isn't willing to admit theres room to learn and says he already knows everything and won't study this with you, then in that one area, he's an immature and selfish person, even if he does fine elsewhere. He then needs to grow up and mature. If by age 25 he still doesnt improve or want to learn to improve, then its time to let him go.
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