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crush the crush?????? or get him??? either way how?
it's a question from my friend. she has a 'MASSIVE MASSIVE CRUSH' on a guy........she never liked any guy like this before...... he is not that handsome or exotic etc etc............... but he is very fine gentle man, who knows his moral values............ he is smart and an achiever.............. he goes to a different school and lives far away.......she met him twice and saw him thrice......... my friend approached him through his cell phone.............. and found out that he is not interest in her or any other girl 'AT ALL' he wants to focus on life ,, studies career and his public speaking talent (now that's a nerdy thought)she didn't mention her feelings to him but she still sensed the attitude........ .............. she is still stupid enough to like him the same way................. she doesn't even know the reason behind this 'true love'(that's what she calls it) herself.............. i told her to stop liking him.................. but her answer shuts my mouth, which is "I can't control my feelings" ....................... she is in big big need.......... how to stop this crush?? (is my side of the question) and how to get him?? (is her side of the question)............ your advice is badly needed. detailed answer would be appreciated. i am waiting anxiously.......
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Well it is true that she can't control her feelings, but she can control her actions and help herself move on. It will take time though. So you can't expect her to just give it all up and let him go, it's going to take a little while.
You can't make anyone like you back. If you could, then love wouldn't be very special. If he's not interested in dating, then she needs to respect his decision. He's smart to decide to wait to date and focus on his life and career. It wouldn't be right for her to try to get in the way just to try to make him feel the same way as she does.
So the way to move on is to not keep in contact with him. If they're talking, texting, messaging each other online, they should stop. At least for the time being so that she could move on. You can't stop liking someone when you're talking to them a lot.
She needs to keep herself preoccupied. She needs to find new things to try to do and focus on herself.
What you can do for her as a friend is just be there for her. It sounds like she's stubborn and doesn't want to let him go. In the end, she'll end up hurt so your job is to be a good friend and be supportive when she needs you.
She might just have to learn the hard way.
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It is true that she can not help but feel what she feels and currently is unable to do anything to stop that. The reason: our emotions and feelings come from our subconscious minds. Think of a sad movie you saw that made you cry. Your conscious mind knows those are just actors and not real people but the sadness of the situation makes you cry and you can't stop for a while because the emotions of the subconscious mind is like a run-away train with no working brakes. Very few of us learn how to work with our subconscious minds where our inner child also resides. And that child can get carried away over something much like a real child.
So there is nothing you can do to help her except to be her friend and console her when she learns her lessons the hard way by being burned by fire, being crushed and hurt.
How to stop the crush and move on will not work for her until she is ready. Basically, she will need to give herself pep talks, talk to her subconscious as if it were another person and tell it why it was not a good situation.
I will post a you tube video link for how to get over emotional hurt from a break up, even though she was never in relationship with him. If she is willing to do it over and over until it works, then she can heal but not otherwise.
The lesson to learn here is that no one can force another person to be attracted to them, like them, or love them. People are attracted to someone they like for certain reasons, maybe their laugh, sense of humor. What is it about you that attracted her to you as a girlfriend for like them example. With boy/girl relationships, the only diffelike them like them rence is the added sexual compatibility. One handsome guy can make your heart start pounding just by looking at him and another one does not. This is something humans have no control over. Either the sexual chemistry is there, whether you're having sex or not, or it isn't. It like in cooking how some things go together and others dont mix like oil and water.
My opinion of the guy is that he is quite smart to want to focus on studies while still in school. There is no rush to get into a relationship as some people seem to think. I told all my daughters in high school to watch the girls who went from dating one guy to the next and find out what it did to their grades. All 3 discovered it would interfere with the girls ability to get good grades. I told them therefore not to go looking for a boyfriend. But if they happened to accidently meet and fall for one, to let me know so I could help support them through it, especially if it got to the point of wanting to become sexual.
If he is quite determined to stay the path he's chosen, then her pestering him will become like a pesky mosquito buzzing around your face. You finally get pissed off enough at the mosquito and try to slap it. There's a possibility he may lash out at her with hurtful words to get her to stop bugging him.
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