|
My mum has stopped caring now I'm older
Basically it's always just been my mum & I at home.
But for ten years she's been married to my stepdad. He's the only guy of hers I've ever liked. He was like a dad to me.
I'm 17, and going to university next year.
My mum & stepdad split up two months ago. I won't go into details, but it was messy, and I was there for all of it. It was horrible.
When they were together, my mum never really 'went out'. She met her best friend for coffee every now and then.
But since they broke out she goes out every weekend and a lot of weeknights. She goes to the pub or god knows where else (she often doesn't tell me) and doesn't come home until 4am sometimes, when I'm sat up waiting for her, upset.
If I ever confront her about going out so much all I get is 'grow up, you're 17!'. And other comments. She thinks I'm totally unreasonable. What she doesn't understand is that I'm not used to being sat at home waiting for her. Before, my mum was always around for me. Everything has changed very quickly. Not only that, but she has been meeting men and Lying to me about where she's going. It's hard for me because I loved my stepdad for 10 years.
She doesn't ever want to do anything with me, even when I offer. She'll lie and say she can't afford to go anywhere with me but then she will go out to the pub. There have been times when I've cried and begged her to stay with me and she just thinks I'm being silly. But I am an only child with no other family and she's all I have.
I understand that I'm 17 and maybe need to be more independent. But this has all happened very fast for me. And I still need a mum.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Hey, honestly it doesn't matter if you're 17 or 18. You absolutely care about your mom and it's not silly nor childish to show off that side that you've been showing your mom just because you are at the age of 17.
The way you're mom is acting is probably a reaction to the divorce that she has gone through. You have to understand that not all adults are always right, and not all adults handle the situation the right way or the way that they're supposed to. You're mom has pushed you off to the side, and as you can see, she has done this right after her divorce from a marriage of 10 years.
Your mom is saying that you're being unreasonable, but it's actually her that is being unreasonable. This is a bit of a tough situation because we got a young adult (you) who wants their mother around and wants things to be the way that they use to be, but on the other hand there is a mother who is going through probably one of the toughest things she's ever gone through.
Keep talking to your mom about how you really feel as much as you can. Try breaking through to her. Everything that's going on isn't your fault and I'm sure that you know that.
I bet this is very overwhelming for you and upsetting but keep your head up. These situations can be a little bit tricky but you have to handle it as best as you can. Meaning, don't ever yell at your mother, don't be rude nor disrespectful, don't insult your mother, or anything of that nature. You have to understand that your mother is going through something as well as you are. Things don't always work out like you want them or as fast you want them to, but I think your mother is doing things for herself right now and eventually she's going to learn (hopefully not the hard way) that what she's doing is hurting you and her.
I hope everything works out for you and your mother. Best regards.
]
This is a hard question to answer not knowing your mom but I will give it a try.
Your mom having gone through what you have called a messy divorce, what you are now seeing may be a reaction to the divorce. Then she may also be looking forward to be alone when you go off to University and reacting to that as well.
The divorce had to have been hurtful to mom. So it would be expected that there would be some form of adverse reaction to it. Some people crawl inside themselves and hide from the world. Your mom has chosen to shall we say go out and party.
Is this the right thing for her to do? I really can't or shouldn't say. Your mom is a responsible adult, free to do as she pleases with in reason. You are above the age of consent if you are from Great Britain and will soon be an adult. Still I understand your concern and your feeling of being alone.
Knowing all this is the easy part. What you can do or say to your mom is the hard question to answer. You have tried begging and of course that didn't work. Have you tried having a calm rational discussion where you explain how concerned you are for her and for her safety? This is a hard discussion to have if she will not discuss this with you.
The only alternative would be to turn to a close relative say an Aunt or Uncle, her sister or brother or maybe her parents if they are still alive. Tell them what is going on and maybe they can speak to her.
As I said this may be just a reaction to a bad divorce and she will come to her senses soon. We can only hope so. Unfortunately I live in the U.S. and do not know any of the laws where you live so I cannot advise you in that area. You might want to talk to one of your trusted teachers or the headmaster of your school. I'm sure they would know what agency you could turn to for help.
]
Hey. okay yes you are 17 but honestly, it doesn't matter your age. you are concerned about your mum . you want to spend time with her but its like she's rejecting you. don't worry you aren't alone. my best advice is to sit down at a good time and talk to her about how you feel. maybe find a friend to help you because it might be hard. best of luck!
]
More Questions: |