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My father is on his death bed
F/20
Lately my life has been weighing me down, my fathet is on his death bed, I get treated like crap at work, and I just stress continuosly about it. It has taken it's emotional toll on me. I have a wonderful boyfriend who is 22, he has a little boy whom I adore, we have been together 2 1/2 years and I couldn't find someone who treats me better. However lately I just feel so distant and numb, at work everyday I get yelled at and told I will be replaced, however there is this guy who helps me out all the time, very sweet and cute, I can tell he likes me and my mimd starts to wander. I try and shut it off. I want to resist, I only love my boyfriend and his little boy. I pretty much have a family and it scares me. The only reason I even manage to get up for work is knowing I get to hang out with this guy at work. I just want to know what I can do to block this out. I love the one I am with but given my current emotional state I can't keep myself under control. Any advice? I want this feeling to go away.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
Stress will do strange things to you and will adversely affect not only how well you work but your production as well. If your supervisors are not aware of what is happening at home then you do need to tell them.
The stress of the imminent death of a parent is real and very demoralizing. For most of us we would rather be anyplace else generally with our parent, then at work. Most employers understand this and have programs in place to allow extra time off by allowing other employees to donate vacation time. To assign you to less stressful work or have someone take some of your work load. The only problem here is they cannot help you if you do not tell them what type of stress you are under outside of work.
As for this guy at work; I'll refer to him as a work husband. He's the guy that you depend upon at work to watch out for you, to be a rock for you when you need it. To be the shoulder to cry on when you need it. Right now because of all the stress you are under you need a work husband.
You realize that he is sweet and kind but you're in love with your boyfriend. As long as you can keep the two separate in your mind it is just the stress working on you. As the stress diminishes and it will you will not need your work husband as much as you need him now. Then your relationship will go back to where it was.
I would like to make one recommendation. That you get grief counseling. Grief is a stressor and you are suffering one of the first stages of grief. If your company has as part of you health benefit package and EAP program, most do. Contact the EAP program and they will help you find a counselor and will most likely pay for the first few visits in full.
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I don't know what your bosses and supervisors are like and how understanding they might be but if you haven't told them what is going on in your life personally, it is worth a try. When the level of abuse from ex escalated, I could no longer function at work trouble free, I made all sorts of stupid mistakes and knew how critical that was to the company, so I went in to his office, and told the boss, actually started crying. He really depended on me. All I was asking for was for him to take a quick glance at any emails letters I had constructed to send out and have the okay for co workers to look out for me and cover for me. Once the situation is resolved, I promised things would be back to normal which is the case for anyone going through something difficult. I also lost my mom and dad separate times while working a job, it affected the job too but not as much as the personal attack.
On to your issue, you are right that you have something perfect at home and its good you realize this. When a person is emotionally under great stress is when they begin to lean on others heavily. A good chunk of your day is spent at work....so in reality, other than weekends, during weekdays you see about as much of your co worker as you so your boyfriend.
I think its quite natural to find something somewhere in your life to give you that bright spot to look forward to. Lets say you didn't work and the boyfriend was able to totally support you both....if there was no job in your current situation with losing dad, would you feel as good being with your boyfriend as you do when at work with this other guy? I am sure you do. Because work is about half your awake day, subconsciously you find yourself needing the same support there.
Its okay to have a need for someone to lean on and your mind will feel heightened emotions because of what you are going through. So the best i can offer is to be very open and frank with the young man at work. I dont know if he is aware of your situation to some degree and if he is, its unlikely he's faced something similar himself so its up to you to explain whats going on for you.
So you tell him you are grateful for his help and that you are emotionally raw right now because of dad imminent death. Tell him you value his help and friendship but no matter what he thinks, he needs to know you have a guy and have your happy family. If you think you can be vulnerable enough to share, explain that when someone feelings are in a heightened state due to something stressful, not just one feeling is heightened but will heighten all the others too. So you want to apologize ahead to him if at any time it looks to him like you interact with him at a level that makes it look like you have a personal interest in him. Once you have got that statement out there, and he is okay with it, then you should be able to face work without also having to feel guilty. Make sure to mention the boyfriend often. Let the boyfriend know there is someone at work who is looking out for you and its so nice of them but he happen's to be a guy. When this is all over, you'd like to be able to invite him over to treat him to a dinner with you two as a way of thanking him for his help. If the work friend knew you were offering to thank him with a dinner by dining with you and your guy, thats another confirmation that you are for sure off limits and so he should be able to keep things on a friendly basis without secretly hoping for more.
That feeling you are experiencing may not go away with these confessions but they eventually will. It just helps the other guy out to not get false hopes and your subconscious mind once it understands why it feels this way, wont feel guilt as well.
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just be positive and only positive will happen . at work its time to put your foot down . no one will respect you the way you want if you dont stand up for yourself .
As for your boyfriend and his son , dont skrew it up just because you have a "Crush" . dont leave the one you love for something temporary .
as for your father , we all go through a death . my mother died just last year , but i can accept that . she's finally at PEACE , considering her life was a struggle since she was only 15 . if i can accept it , so can you , and im 16 years old .
basically , PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN AND KEEP YOUR HEAD HIGH . im not telling you to yell back at your co-workers , just let them know that they need to appreciate that they have a hard worker who deserves respect .
this may not be the best advice but its a start towards bettering yourself . :]
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