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Why Am I So Stupid?
Hi,
I'm a thirteen-year-old girl. For some reason, several people think I'm smart, but I'm not. At school, my work is always high-quality. Therefore, people think it is easy for me. I often hear comments about how smart I am and how school must be very easy.
However, the truth is that school is not easy at all. It's actually quite challenging, and I struggle with it very much. The only reason why my work is so well-done is because I work four times as hard as any other kid -- but I feel like I have no control over how hard or how quickly I work.
Some people say that I don't need to work so hard and that my work will be good anyway. But that's not true. I'm not smart; I'm actually very stupid. I process things slowly and get stressed out very often, so I work slowly. I will admit that I'm a little bit of a perfectionist, but it's not that as much as it is the fact that I'm just naturally slow.
In seventh grade, I stayed up late every night to do homework, and I always took forever to finish classwork. One teacher in seventh grade once told me that I would get bad grades in high school if I didn't start working faster. It really hurt my feelings when she said that. It also showed me she didn't understand that I had no control over how slow I was.
I wish people would understand that I'm a stupid girl who works hard and naturally does things slowly, not a smart girl who works slowly just because she wants to. Why doesn't anyone understand that I have no control over how slowly I work? And why can't they see how stupid I really am?
P.S. I'm sorry that this question is much longer than it needs to be. And I apologize for any errors in grammar.
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Maybe give some free advice about: School?
Well first of all, you're not stupid.
Stupid people don't try at all, they don't care. You're not lacking intelligence. A lot of kids need to work extra hard to get good grades.
I don't really know why you'd want to convince anyone otherwise though. This is seriously your insecurities and it's something you need to work on.
As for working slow, maybe you can get some help for it. I'm pretty sure you can. Just talk to your parents about it or a school counselor. Then eventually you'll learn how to control how fast you work, it will probably also help you with stressing out about it.
So talk to them. Also, don't freak out about this. You're getting good grades and you're working hard for it. Pat yourself on the back for doing more than most kids will do.
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Lets get something straight from the start. YOU ARE NOT STUPID. At worst you may be dealing with a learning disability but I'm not an educator or a psychologist trained in that area so I can not say for sure.
If anyone in what you wrote was stupid it was the teacher who told you that you would get bad grades in high school if you did not work faster. As a teacher it is her job to recognize when a student is struggling and why. She did not look beyond the good work you have been doing as such she was wrong, extremely wrong.
Everyone including adults work at their own pace. Being slow does not equate to being stupid neither does being a perfectionist. In fact it is quite the opposite. Someone who is stupid, which by the way look up the word stupid for its true definition, would certainly not be a perfectionist. Someone who is truly stupid, by definition, would be unable to be a perfectionist. By asking you to look up the word stupid. You will see that your use of the word and the true definition are quite different.
Now as for being slow as in a slow learner. There may be reasons for this for which you can be tested. There are a whole host learning disabilities that have nothing to do with your use of the word stupid. They range from having trouble reading to retention of what you read to different degrees of dyslexia. You of your own doing by your dedication and work ethic may have taught yourself to overcome whatever minor learning disability you might have.
Have you spoken to your parents about this. If not I suggest you do. Both the school system and private companies can test you to find out if your slowness in accomplishing tasks is the result of some learning disability. IF so there are methods they can teach you to overcome them. Once they are known to you and your parents. The school system needs to be made aware of whatever the problem is and they must make allowances for it.
I am only guessing that this is the problem though I'm fairly sure once tested my guess will be confirmed. There is no reason you should be so stressed out and down on yourself over something that may be easily correctable or allowed for.
My advice is that you talk to your parents. Have them make an appointment with your doctor for a complete physical including a neurological work up. This is to rule out any organic reasons for your problem. Your parents should then speak with your principal and ask that you be tested. They may have to be insistent considering your grades and the school systems tight budgets. It is there right to ask and the school must comply.
Last you should talk with a private psychologist since the school will send you to their own psychologist. Seeing your own is needed to get an independent evaluation. If mom or dad have an EAP program at work this program will help locate a psychologist as well as pay for a certain amount of visits in full.
Please remember that you are not stupid not in any way shape or form of the word. In fact just from what you have written I see a very smart, intelligent, well educated young lady.
That teacher was very wrong to have said what she said to you. If she is still working in your school your parents should report that conversation to the principal.
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You can't convince them, because you aren't stupid.
Even the simple fact that you KNOW how long it takes you do something well, that simple skill, puts you firmly in the 'not stupid' camp.
It may not all come easily to you. You may work very hard. But you aren't stupid. Stupid people don't try. Stupid people can't even recognize what it actually takes to succeed.
You should talk to a therapist. Seriously. You're packing some serious insecurities and anxieties. Although you are certainly correct that some people are good at school work because they work very, very hard at it, not because it comes easily to them, you cross the line to very unhealthy thinking when you label yourself stupid AND you are contributing to what could easily become a very, very serious anxiety issue.
Your perfectionism, your refusal to recognize your own skill and worth, and your refusal to listen to others who suggest you try other ways of doing things... that is a recipe to make yourself ill.
You actually have a lot of control over how quickly you work, and how much anxiety you feel about your work, and about the destructive standards you are holding yourself too. If you can recognize the power you do have and appreciate the skills you do have, you'll be in a much, much better position to both succeed at school, and to stay sane!
You have put yourself on a pretty dark path. Your insistence that you are 'stupid' is part of it. Please get some support to break these patterns.
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