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Boyfriends Ex
I recently got into a relationship with my bestfriend. Before we dated in a week he broke up wit his girlfriend. They were initially having problems bit i cant help but feel bad and guilty because i think im part of the reason he broke up with her. Now this girl is contacting my friends and shes getting to know them because hes not with her anymore.It irritates me that shes doing that. What should i do on the whole situation?
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There is no reason to feel guilt over another persons actions. You are going to have to trust him that he broke off with her for the right reasons, that he discovered they did not have enough in common or there wasn't enough chemistry between them. You have in no way caused any trouble between them. It was already there.
It could be that when he was finally honest with himself, and it could have been him comparing in his mind how you acted or reacted in a certan situation versus how she did or does, when he finally realized that she is not right for him.
Thats Good! That is exactly what the dating process is for. There's initial attraction, but you have to get past conversation stage to actual dating, learning what the other is like on their good days and bad days and being able to handle it, and know how to help and encourage. A successful life long relationship takes two thing, being each others best friend and then having the sexual chemistry. If there is no spark between the two, then its not going to work for long term. Some people get together over just the romance and sexual connection, but without a friendship, it will fall apart. He is smart to see or sense it now.
There is nothing much you can do to change her actions. She is possibly making connections with all your friends who weren't friends of hers before in hopes of keeping tabs on him or finding a way to get back in his life. I can't imagine she is so shallow as to be doing that just for the sake of irritating you. But if thats the case, its good your male friend left her.
She may not yet have realized that he isn't worth fighting so hard to get back because there is someone better and more perfect for her.
All you have control over is your own thoughts, feelings and actions or reactions. Actions are thought carefully through and carried out in ways that all loving to self and all others without intent to hurt or make a situation worse. A re-action is like a knee jerk action, where you allow your emotions and feelings to cause you to say or do something on the spur of the moment out of frustration or anger that you may regret later or could have been handled better.
If your other friends are worth their salt, they will see her sudden want of friendship for what it is and not take her too seriously. IF anyone gets suckered in, then thats their lesson to learn.
There isn't anything you have to do. You don't have to explain yourself or try to prove your innocense of anything to friends, acquaintances or any stranger who asks.
However, if you have no guilt and no matter if its someones business or not, you feel for others, knowing how the imagination can create worse scenerios than really exist. . . you can always choose to tell things as they are without making anyone look to be the bad guy, you, him or the ex girlfriend. Cus really its nothing bad, its a learning experience and she isn;t catching on as fast as she could...thats all.
So you could say that truly, the relationship between him and her according to what he says was not going well. In dating, he also realized that what he had with you as a best friend was something more special than what he had with her. Be sure thats exactly how he feels and get his permission to say this if you are by yourself at the time. Dont go putting words into his mouth, as much as you think you know, or may know him.
You can even say that you had no reason to steal him away from her when he was dating her because you still had his friendship and was contented with that and not looking to take it a level higher. But when he came to you and declared his intent to become romantically involved with you as well, you welcomed it because it is the best natural progression for a healthy relationship. I know those might not sound like your words but if you decide to say anything at all to your friends if they come to you and say the ex has befriended them and has said 'such and such', is it true? Do not get angry at them. They are asking because they are choosing to not assume anything right off the bat. They want to hear it from you. They may just state what was said without asking you if it was true, just assuming you will tell them. You can either tell them in a sweet manner or tell them not to believe everything they hear. But since they are good friends, the nicest thing would be to tell them your side of it.
Remember, you cant dictate who she sees and talks to or trys to befriend. And a friend of yours can remain loyal to you but still pay attention to her as well. It doesnt mean they believe her or have deserted you.
If you can behave sweetly and not act like you have to defend yourself or him and point no blame, and not get irritated at your friends no matter what you hear, then you will come out smelling like a rose and if she's the one telling stories of blame, who are they likely to believe?
I can tell you it works. When I left my abusive ex, he told all sorts of horrible stories to many people. I quickly learned who really knew me and cared about me and who didn't. I was amazed how almost strangers who barely knew us said they didn't believe anything he'd told them because now that they met me, they could see by my behaviour that I was the nice kind thoughtful person and nothing at all like the stuff he said.
I cant think of anything else. If something else comes up, just write me on my column. Good luck dear. Sounds like you have a great start on a wonderful romantic relationship
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She's just trying to get a little too involved and is trying to irritate you. So just ignore it. If she starts bringing drama into your friends and your friends actually listen to it, then they weren't real friends.
She's jealous because you have the guy. You don't want to act all dramatic and go scream at her or something so just ignore her.
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Ignore it
She's acting like a jealous bitch and has to find some way to get back at you. It's highly immature, She is looking to tick you off.
Be the bigger person, Be the more mature one and don't scoot down to her level. If your friends are really friends then they will have enough common sense to know not to listen to her drama. If they do, Then you learned they aren't real friends. Ignore her, Don't give her what she wants.
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