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Trouble with my roommate. (I am in love with him, and he isn't with me)
I am 21/f and I've really fucked up. About 2 years ago, I met this guy. We'll call him Fred. Fred is 26 and EXCEPTIONALLY handsome. Probably(definitely) the most handsome man I've ever met. So that was my initial attraction. We hung out a few times over the years but never hooked up or anything. Then at some point he stated that he was looking for a roommate so he and I moved in together about 7 months ago. Its been going great and I really like living with him. I've also gotten to know him a lot better. He's so sweet and kind and he's just unlike anyone I've ever met. We haven't had any issues except one thing; we began having sex about 2 months ago. We've spoken about it and we're both aware that we've broken a major rule about living with the opposite sex. We use protection but we're not exclusive or anything. Besides the little girl inside me wanting to share the sexy secret with all my friends, nobody knows.
And this wouldn't be an issue either but somethings happened that I completely saw coming; I think I'm in love with him. Its not just the sex or the fact that he's got looks like johnny depp on steroids, he shows that he cares about me in little ways and since we live alone together, its easy to notice the small things. I know he doesn't feel the way I do though, and why should he? He's ready to get all his shit in one pile and I feel sick thinking that I've trapped him in this position. It would be so easy to just stop sleeping with him but the sex is so good. Its fantastic and I've never had sex like this with anyone. We experiment and he's so open to new things and we talk and its just so new to me. I've only slept with one other man my entire life and I never enjoyed it. Not like this. I think about this whenever I'm awake. I dream about it when I'm asleep. I'm like obsessed and I don't want to be. I don't think its fair to Fred. We've talked a few times about it but I can just tell he doesn't care for me like I do him. I can deal with never becoming anything more for him, but I can't deal with the guilt that is accompanying me alongside with this INTENSE and CORRODING pleasure. And I can't deal with the thought that our entire friendship in general could get fucked up just because I'm a lovesick harlot. I hate myself for doing this but I'm already in so deep. I don't want to quit. I know I have to though. Its gonna be so difficult though :(( What should I do? Do I move out? Is there anything I can do to keep my emotions from getting in the way of his life? Is it possible for us to keep a sexual relationship going if we're still living together?
HELP
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Good fucking God woman...
You're jumping to alot of assumptions. You've managed to convince yourself that he has no interest in you outside of sex. "You can just tell"
You're an idiot and you're letting your lack of self esteem shade your perceptions of this guy. Stop trusting yourself and what you see and start asking some questions.
Yes, it is possible he doesn't feel the same way. Yes, you're going to need to find a new place to live and get out of the sexual relationship if that is the case. It's going to tear you up more than the good sex is worth to be intimate with him and want to say "I love you" and know you can't.
Yes, it is also possible that you have no idea what you're talking about and that he's completely into you and you're just blind. I mean, you called yourself a lovesick harlot for Christ's sake. Can we get a little more self abuse in this question? I don't think we've hit peak drama yet.
Stop freaking out. If you drive yourself insane you are going to blow whatever chance you might have to make something work.
This is schrodinger's relationship. We know it's one or the other. We have no idea which until the question is asked. You haven't trapped him, you've had good sex with a guy you like.
I can tell there's this huge undercurrent of "I am not worthy of him" flowing through your post.
Stop that shit. Stop it now. Worthy has nothing to do with relationships. We choose people for our own reasons and you don't know this guy enough to know if he's chosen you much less know what his reasons might be.
He isn't perfect and neither are you. Are you a match? Maybe. Need more relationship to find out. Stop approaching this like you're a fangirl walking up to Robert Pattinson and asking him to bite you. Seriously. Stop it. Have a little more self respect, because no one wants to have a "I know you'd never be interested in plain old me but I adore you and worship you and I was hoping you would crush my heart gently and maybe fuck me oh so well a few more times" conversation.
Instead try something like "Fred, we have a problem. Your dick is magical. I'm falling in love with him and I guess we thought you deserved to know. I know it will be a little awkward, but we're going to have to pretend to be in a relationship from this point forward because your dick and I are going to be spending as much time together as possible and we wouldn't want the neighbors to talk. Maybe we could discuss our impending fake exclusive relationship over dinner tonight? Your dick is going to want me to tell him all about it later, he's eager to know if you're cool with it."
Ok that was ridiculous, but you get the idea. The woman who could drop that into the conversation in your situation would be a woman who doesn't feel inferior to the guy she's interested in.
Feeling or acting inferior is enough to scuttle a relationship. It's not that you are inferior. It's that when you act like it, you create an imbalance in the relationship. People who are hopelessly abusive douchebags want partners. Partners imply equality.
Talk to him like there's every possibility that the guy who you say shows you he cares and gives you amazing sex is interested in more. I mean, seriously? You live together and have been having sex for two months, and you think he's not at all interested?
Go talk to him. If you like, report the results. Give details if you do. What got said on both sides. Going to need to know how the conversation went to give you any more insight into the situation.
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If you don't ask for what you want, and don't pursue it, you're never going to get it. Things will continue on the way that they are going, unless you try to change them.
I would have a talk with him. Let him know that you're interested in him romantically and that you don't want it to be just about sex anymore. If he says that he isn't interested in a relationship, move on. Move out, if you have to. Find someone who will give you what you want.
I know it's easier said than done, and I'm sorry you're going through this.
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The best way to ruin a great friendship is to sleep with them which you have done. No matter what you do the genie is now out of the bottle and your feelings have changed. You say his feelings and your are not.
I don't see you two living together and not having sex. I think the temptation will be too great. IF his feelings are just those of a friend with benefits and he does not see the relationship going any further than that. Then the only solution is for your two to separate. Meaning one of you has to find a new place to live.
Don't be so hard on yourself over this. Remember it takes two to Tango. He willing allowed you to come into his bed or he came to yours. This makes him just as culpable for what has happened. You had a no sex policy and either one of you could have said no to whoever crawled into the others bed.
Since you are the one who developed feeling for him it is going to take you longer to get over what has happened. As to who is responsible for what has happened. My reading of this is it is a 50/50 split.
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