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Almost over my incident (rape), but I don't understand why I still think about it so much...
21/f a year ago I was raped by my ex boyfriend. I never told anyone and have been dealing with it on my own. Anyway I have definitely grown from where I was, but for some reason I still have bad dreams about it, and right before I have intercourse with my current boyfriend in a certain position (the one I was in that awful day) I think about it before and after. It's nauseating to me, and I don't express how I feel to my current boyfriend because who wants to bring up such an awful thing at such a special intimate time. A little while ago I wasn't able to do anything in that position, so now that I can I know I'm moving on, I just don't understand why I still think about it.
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I honestly would tell my boyfriend and ask him to help me by reassuring me he would never do it! If he gets mad he is not a good boyfriend or one at all. If you are still to nervous tell a trusted friend. She will help u threw it.oh and if anybody ever raped ever again (even though I am 99.9percent sure it won't happen) punch the guy in the middle of his chest while screaming then run!
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When we suffer a traumatic event different things such as smells and taste or in your case a sexual position will cause us to relive the trauma. It is both normal and abnormal. Its abnormal because you have not learned how to deal with this and while you think you have moved on you really haven't; because you keep reliving the event.
Rape by far is the most tragic trauma a women can suffer. You suffered a form of date rape being raped by an ex or someone you know. Traumas do not go away by trying to shuffle them to the back of our minds. They instead continue to haunt us and manifest themselves in different ways,as you are finding out.
You need help in getting closure for what happened and help in learning how to properly deal with what happened. Trying to ignore what happened or deal with it on your own is not working.
I would like you to call the following organization. They are called RAINN. RAINN stands for Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network. They operate a 24/7 hotline with trained people that can answer your questions and help you find the professionals in your community who can help you learn to deal with what has happened properly. Their number is 1-800-656-HOPE.
Understand one thing rape is rape. If you said no, stop or in anyway did not consent to sexual intercourse and was forced to perform with or for your ex then you are a victim. Nothing you said or did made him rape you. The statute of limitations in most state on rape is 5 years. If this is the case in your state you can still bring charges against him for rape.
I would consider telling your current boyfriend about being raped, especially considering that the one position is a reminder of the rape for you. If he has any true feelings for you he will not ask you to have sex in that position with him until you can do so without being reminded of the rape. A truly considerate partner would want you to enjoy the sex between you and doing so in that position cannot be enjoyable for you. So consider telling him.
Please call RAINN and talk to them, follow their advice and get professional help so you can put this tragic event properly behind you. And please remember you are the victim her and you deserve proper closure.
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I'm assuming its the most traumatic thing that ever happened to you. Considering you didn't seek psychiatric help, its forced itself in the back parts of your memory. Different occurrences have buried it (since it has been a year) and kind of laid a blanket over it. But its like covering a black blanket with 100 white blankets. The black will still live under all those blankets, and with the deeper color (more trauma) will show through until something worse comes along to make you forget it (surely not, but it happens) or until you subconsciously completely forget it (which also happens sometimes, but its rare).
Rape is one of the worst things that can happen to a young female. Its violent and wrong and you didn't have to deal with it on your own, but you chose to. Everyone deals in their own ways. Its gonna take a while for this to not come out and show itself at the most inopportune times. I'm glad you feel you're moving on from it. And with your boyfriend, find a nice quiet time where you both are doing nothing of extreme importance and just calmly tell him that something about that certain position doesn't feel comfortable to you. You don't have to go into gruesome detail, but share your feelings with him. If he cares, he'll understand without the aid of an explanation.
I hope I helped. I'm so sorry this happened to you. But you know what they say; time heals all wounds. Cliche, but true. :)
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Rape is a big deal and you don't just get over it. You need to talk to someone about it and they will help you move on.
I was in a similar situation. I wasn't raped. My ex boyfriend from 3 or 4 years ago attempted to rape me. Like you, I was so uncomfortable being in that and all I could think about was that day and I felt so sick.
Now, you actually were raped. And if I still think about that happening to me 3 or 4 years ago, you are definitely still thinking about what happened to you.
You need to talk to a therapist or counselor because I know a couple of people who have gone through it too. You can't just keep it to yourself and expect it to go away. So go talk to someone.
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You NEED to talk about it, Rape is not something someone just gets over on their own. A good therapist can help you cope abd give you some insight on how to move on properly. Also, You NEED to communicate with your boyfriend. It is unfair to him to think he is being intimate when the past comes to haunt you. Communicate with him, Let him know all these feelings as he should be the one to support you at YOUR pace.
You aren't allowing yourself closure, You are avoiding the problem. Talk to someone who can help you
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