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I secretly had an abortion, lied to my husband about it, hid it from him for 6 years and now I am depressed.
I had an abortion 6 years ago without telling my husband. At the time I had a 2 year old son and I did not want want to be saddled down with another child. We found out I was pregnant when I took a pregnancy test. My husband and I were both pro-choice, but I decided to have an abortion. I went to visit my cousin in another state after I found I was pregnant and she help me to get the abortion. I later told my husband that I fell and had a miscarriage.
It has been six years and I have a wonderful husband and I am felling guilty and a shame. I also, think that I am depress and I need to tell my husband about the abortion but, I am afraid he will not love me any more.
My husband always have something negative to say about women aborting their unborn babies and I am not sure how he will feel if he knows that I had done the same. What should I do?
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You should tell him. But fairst pray and ask God to forgive you then foegive youeself. then tell him you are sorry. If he loves you then he will lisn and not be roude to you because you already fill bad eneufe.
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I can understand wanting to stick with one kid or have a bigger gap between them. Kids are a lot of work. It's too late to go for best plan of having a talk with him about how you dont want to have this child.
If both of you are pro choice as you say, then it should have been easy for you to bring up the subject. So something is off here, because you felt a need to lie to him.
I don't know what beliefs or spiritual background you have, but perhaps if lying is something you stand against, then having done so, has caused the stress. Just having an abortion, even if both parents are for it, can still have delayed stress effects later. Something that bothers the subconscious.
It's one thing to lie to another person but it's worse of a mess to lie to oneself. I may be totally wrong and forgive me if thats so, but could it be that back then, you were pro choice and thought you'd convinced him of that but deep down you knew he really wasn't? Especially since you said he always has something negative to say about women aborting their babies? You may be more in turmoil from not having been honest with yourself.
So lets play "What if" and go back in time...
If you had decided back then that you were trying to convince yourself that he believed the same way as you 100%, and decided that it wasnt so and asked him if he really didn't like abortion at all and he said he didn't. Then you could have asked how if he didnt like it at all that he could say he was pro choice just for you? He may have decided to quit pretending and come out and be totally honest and told you that he wouldn't like it even if you did, or he could have said, well I would only be okay with it if you were raped and pregnant from the guy, or if having the kid was going to jeopardize your health, of if having it, was going to make you very unhappy because your happiness is important to him.
In one scenerio, you tell him then you really want an abortion and plan to go through with it. It may have split the marriage then if he couldnt settle it in his mind or you may have had wonderful support and never had to suffer through guilt. We all do things that later we wish we'd have done differently. But you were scared and so you made the choice you did.
So if you tell him the truth now, since he is your husband and father of the aborted child, you will still get one or the other of the possible scenerios only delayed by 6 years. I think your subconscious mind is tired of carrying this burden. Sometimes carrying such a burdon too long can mess with your bodys natural abilities that heal itself from simple stuff and the stuck energies will eventually create real illnesses, sometimes even life threatening but not at once, it developes over a life time.
For the sake of your own health, it might be the best thing to come clean with him and take whatever may come your way. The worst case scenerio is that the relationship isnt the same as it was, or slowly deteriorates, or he doesnt trust you anymore and may eventually leave you. You'd be faced with grieving the loss of him but knowing you eventually did the right thing in telling him. And yes, sometimes our mistakes mean even if you have learned from it, you can't have things like they've always been. You might have to pick up the pieces and be a single mom or you may meet and marry another. These are things you need to think over and be prepared for possibly happening. Hopefully it ends very well for you and your husband loves you so much that nothing you've done in the past could change his love for you, that he'd find himself able to forgive you and move on. But i had to be realistic. Sorry if it scares you but I had to try and paint all the possibilities. It wouldn't be fair to just say tell him without you counting all the possible consequences if you do tell him, and all the possilbe consequences to your self if you don;t.
Its still just your decision, i can't tell you which way to go. But hopefully this helps you in making your decision. Peace be with you dear.
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If you feel the truth shall set you free then this is what you shall do. I feel as he were the one to father the unborn child that he has the right to know.
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