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what does one do?
Hello advicenators, I have a question about one of my friends.Today was my first day of 8th grade.I went up to one of what I thought was friends, and she shot me dirty looks and refused to speak.We have been very close in the last few years and she and I told everything to eachother.We were inseperable.Another one of my friends asked her why she wasnt speaking to me, and she said she was not my friend anymore.When I said this to my other pals, everyone was shocked.Im not angry about all of this or even mad at her.I did nothing, nothing at all.I even tried to talk to her over the summer many times.Why would she just drop me now as a friend? Im very confused as I loved her as my sister.Is it me?I am a self harmer and recovering bulimic, maybe its because my sexuality.I dont know if I should even try to talk to her, Im not mad at her at all really, just curius why.Im a tad hurt, but not really.I enjoyed her compony and she barely annoyed me.Should I ask her why and what should I say.Thank you in advance.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Look at it this way, all the others were shocked as well. No one was saying, that she had some valid points for not liking you. So obviously no one else knows why or could even begin to imagine why because there is nothing that you are doing to cause her to behave that way.
Some I learned long ago, I can not make another person do anything they don't want to do. Think of your parents, they can not force you to do anything you don't want to do. However they can enforce consequences for not doing as they asked and it is still your decision to change or not, despite the consequences.
So since you have no control over another persons choices, or actions....realize that it includes choices to not be communicative, to be unreasonable, and know that it is a CHOICE to decide how you will feel and act or react. She has chosen to be angry with you. Never in your entire life will there ever be something you could do to make another person angry....it's psychology...it's not possible.
So Hon, there is nothing to figure out.
Now if you want separate advice on the harming yourself or you hinted at something with the sexuality, then explain to us what else is on your mind. Otherwise, let the old friend go and look forward to some new ones.
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I wouldn't go ask her why. She has been avoiding you and shooting you dirty looks and doesn't even want to tell you why, she's not looking to become friends with you again.
You have every right to be hurt, but it's good that you're not making a big deal out of it.
Once things calm down, then you can try to talk to her again and see what her problem is. If it's something you guys can work through, then do it. If it's something you can't, then let her go.
Honestly, she's acting a little immature. You don't need a friend like that.
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It's probably best to let it rest for a bit.
You are back at school now, and I imagine it wont take long for the gossip mill to let you know whatever her problem with you is. Then, if it is something flat out discriminatory (like your sexuality), you'll know it's not even a bridge worth mending.
Until then, just be polite and friendly. Either she'll soften and let you know what is up, or someone else will give you a clue.
It sounds like you are handling this emotionally in the right way: It's okay to be hurt, but there is no reason to get worked up. Either she will come around or she wont - nothing would really be changed by demanding to know the reasons for her behaviour.
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