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I like my boyfriends best friend, who is also my friends ex!
Lets call him 'nick'.
I met nick years back when he was with my friend. Apparently there was a 'thing' between us then. I dont remember and I only found out about this 'thing' recently. I just remembered thinking he was really cool and we got on well.
Years later and im in a relationship with nicks best friend. Were on the brink of splitting up. So through my boyfriend ive seen nick a few times, not many.
When im with him he barely looks at me, and I basically have a huge crush on him. I feel like a teenager. He is normally very confident, even my boyfriend has commented on how awkward he is around me. He either likes me or really doesnt.
My boyfriend has always made comments on how alike me and nick are, but I barely know him myself.
For some reason I have been thinking about him more and more. I always fantasize about him.
So the advice I really need:
How do I tell if he likes me too?
Should I say something to him?
Should I ask why he acts weird, or just tell him I like him? (I can say this when my boyfriend leaves).
Why am I so attracted to him when I barely know him?
Anything else .... thanks for all replys.
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So you and your boyfriend are on the brink of splitting up?
It's hard to tell when someone likes you, especially when you don't know them that well. It can all just be subtle clues, but even those don't even mean that someone likes you. Ex. Staring at you, if he's around you a lot, ect. But those don't always mean someone likes you.
You shouldn't say anything to him until you and your boyfriend are broken up. Firstly, it's wrong and second, because he is your boyfriends friend so your reputation is at stake and he might not think that highly of you, especially when he doesn't really know you.
As for being attracted to him, it's just life. You're going to be attracted to many different people, even when you're in happy relationships but obviously, you're not supposed to act on them. So when you and your boyfriend aren't together, feel free to pursue him.
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How do I tell if he likes me too?
It doesn't mater. You have a boyfriend.
Should I say something to him?
No. You have a boyfriend.
Should I ask why he acts weird, or just tell him I like him? (I can say this when my boyfriend leaves).
No. It would be deceitful and cruel to treat your boyfriend like that.
Why am I so attracted to him when I barely know him?
Because you barely know him - mysteriousness is attractive - and you don't know enough about him to know anything not to like.
It's okay to have a crush on someone else, but if you don't want to be with your boyfriend anymore, than you need to dump your boyfriend. It is horrible, dishonest and immoral to go around flirting and testing the waters with Nick, behind your boyfriend's back.
If you want to break up with your boyfriend - do that.
If you want to stay with your boyfriend - then you need to let your curiosity about Nick go. It doesn't matter if he is into your or not if you are happily in a relationship with someone else.
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What you are experiencing is something that can also happen with a total stranger, your eyes meet briefly, no one says anything and yet you know you felt something and by how the person is looking at you, you know they felt it too. It happened while I was staying at my daughters helping out after she gave birth. I was in the driveway just yards from the sidewalk, removing my granddaughter out of carseat when I looked up and saw a man walking his dog. He actually slowed his stride and locked eyes with me and his head turned to keep looking at me as he walked forward. That was 5 yrs ago. I still remember it clearly because I felt drawn to him. I was single at the time. Right before I met my husband. It's a chemistry of sorts between people. Doesn't mean that they may be the ultimately perfect person for you but there's pheremone attraction perhaps, most likely sexual compatibility...its the rest, the friendship that one would have to discover if there was enough there to become close companions. Due to my age, this proves it can happen at any age. And yeah, I guess you could describe as feeling like a teenager, like the first time experiencing attraction.
So you have nothing to lose but everything to gain from giving it a chance and getting to know Nick. The only issues are how it affects your ex and your girlfriend.
I know there's a code between girlfriends to not date their ex but...it could be a totally different story if you talk to your girlfriend first. Hopefully she knows you and boyfriend are splitting up. Tell her what he says about you and nick having lots in common. Ask her what she thinks about whether it would be a good idea for you to date Nick. She knows him better than you do. If the split was mutual and she is not pining after him wishing she still had him, she could be a great ally in helping get you guys together. So ask her and see where she's at on that.
Verge of breaking up with the other, that means you're both planning on breaking up but for some reason haven't? I think you need to have a talk with boyfriend. If he's a nice guy but the two of you don't have enough spark and enough in common and you both realize it, then you two should be able to discuss anything about parting ways. Maybe you;re still under the same roof if living together cus you haven't found other living arrangements yet. That only means you are room-mates not a couple anymore and it makes you free to start dating someone else, as long as you both have agreed it's a good idea to start dating others.
If Nick is his friend and he noticed how alike you are, your male friend might be the perfect person to talk to. Tell him that since he's mentioned how alike you two are, you have been wondering if Nick would be a good person for you to date. Don't mention the fantasizing or the crush going some time back while you were still with him or that wouldn't sit well with him or anyone else for that matter.
Get Nicks number if you don't have it and give him a call. You could say,'HI Nick, JOe and I are no longer dating but he did mention once that he thought you and I were very much alike. Since I am free to date again, and I know you a little, I thought I might like to spend some time with you to see if we really do have something in common.""
That doesnt sound strange and should be an appropriate thing to say to Nick. Good LUck
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