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my husband upsets me all the time
My husband really gets on my nerves but I'm not sure if he's to blame. I think I am a difficult person to live with. I am highly strung and lose my temper really quickly. He does things that wind me up again and again always promising he won't do it again. He invariably does. If he does or says something stupid I tend to blow it up out of proportion. When I do this he gets angry too. I wish he could stay calm and help me to calm down but when he gets annoyed I get even worse. I want things done my way and if he doesn't agree I lose it. I had a difficult childhood and wonder if I'm trying to gain control now or maybe I'm just a nasty woman. I think he would be better off without me but he says he doesn't want us to separate. I don't think I can stand this unhealthy relationship much longer but how do I stop or escape.
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Your subconscious mind isn't all too sure that is it just your temper, wanting control, short fuse that is to blame. You were quick to admit it.
I am guessing that although you need to work on it... something else came first to cause it to come to the surface.
I know from being in the wrong relationship myself 30 yrs of marriage, that even though I was usually successful at not reacting or losing my cool, that the stress of the relationship still would bring nasty vindictive behaviors to the surface. I am not like that at core but the stress can make a person lose it either once in a while or all the time.
Could it possibly be that the two of you were never meant to get together? People can be mismatched to the point that your normal pleasant conversation pushes buttons and sets off your partner. I experienced that. It got worse. We were sexually mismatched. He could please other women as we found out after our divorce, but there was no spark or chemistry for either of us. I didn't thrill him and he never gave me orgasms. Then again for some people, Sometimes it is the good sex that is the only thing keeping a relationship limping along that is not a good match in other areas. My ex didn't want me to leave either. I was kind of his security blanket, so he didnt have to feel alone or abandoned. He was willing to remain unhappy with me just to not feel alone. Yes, thats nuts....all of us tend to make that choice somewhere in our lives, stick with where we are unhappy (even a job) because change is scary, there's a big unknown out there.
I feel that you are needing more to hear that someone agrees that both of you would be better off without each other. And you may have a point here. So you have two choices and both involve you getting some self help books or see a counselor and work on yourself first. You can choose to try and do that while still with him, or choose to do so after leaving him...that way there is less stress. Everywhere in life, you will come across opportunities to test your new peaceful self controlled state. But the strongest test will be in another relationship. We tend to attract that which we are inside. If we have issues to still work out, we'll attract others with issues, and those who are more loving and mature will attract the like. So don't be surprised to find yourself dating another man who brings up your anger again. You will be tested, more for you to know where you are at and what you still have left to work on. Its a process, so as you get better, you will attract better men.
Good luck dear and if you ever need to talk again, just message my inbox.
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You need therapy. With or without your husband, you need to go to therapy.
You KNOW that your reactions are the problem here. You loose your temper too quickly. You blow things out of proportion. You are inflexible, demanding and out of control.
Regardless of your husbands behavoir, you need to work on you. If you don't get your own behavoir under control ALL of your relationships will be just an unhealthy as this one.
You don't need to know how to make it stop all by yourself, but you do need to seek help in learning how to stop it. So talk to a professional.
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