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Shyness
I have trouble dealing with my shyness. It prevents me from making friends and asking girls out what should I do?
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A lot of people have a problem with being shy. There is nothing wrong with being shy, it only becomes a problem when it prevents you from making friends like you said.
So you need to realize that you need to get out of your comfort zone. It will be extremely hard but that's the way out. I like what Dragonflymagic had to say about it. It's good with starting out slow and then working your way to more. It's taking baby steps.
What most people are afraid of is being judged. Which might be your case because you're thinking too much about what will they think of you if you say hi.
But honestly, most people are thinking about themselves. They're normally more consumed thinking about themselves rather than thinking about what someone else is doing.
So you need to also stop caring about what other people think. That is a hard thing to do. But if you work on it, eventually you'll feel more comfortable with people.
So start slow, keep working on it and then you won't be so shy anymore.
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If you're really shy than the only advice I have for you is to try to find a way out of your comfort zone. Once you have done that you will be able to talk and make new friends that you wish to have.
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First let me give you some examples of how shy I was to start so that you know you can overcome shyness too. You don't need fancy self help books, or counseling, just that feeling of “feeling tired of being shy” and a determination to overcome it.
As a child and teen in school, I was so terrified of being called on that I would avoid contact with the teachers eyes, if called upon, it didnt matter if I knew the answer or not, all attention was on me and the feeling of 28 pairs of eyes staring at me was excruciating so I'd quickly say, “I don't know” so she'd move on to someone else. If my pencil needed sharpening I would not get up to sharpen and continue to try to write with a blunt tip until the teacher noticed and sharpened it for me. I wasn't even brave enough to ask her to do it for me. I couldn't do it because everyone I thought would be staring at me to see what I was doing. It wasn't until my late teen years that I finally grew tired of being so shy and being religious, I decided to pray and ask God for help. What I share with you now is exactly what he told me to do. On each step, take as much time as you need. Enjoy some success with it before moving on. There is no time limit in which to complete a step, If it takes a week or a month or more...thats okay.
1. Make eye contact with and smile at everyone you come across today. If you're so shy you have trouble with this, you need to master this.
2. Do the same as in step one but add saying “Hi” “Hello” “Good morning” etc to the person. It may seem insignificant reading this. But it was harder when I tried because I feared that if I greeted a person, they would start a real conversation with me and I was terrified of that. If this is your fear too, lay it to rest. The majority of the extroverts, the out going persons who actually start a conversation with someone is maybe 2 in every 50...not many. In a company of 200 employees I had a position where I had to interact with every dept besides my own. Work related conversations were the norm, asking for what you needed. But I was always the one who started up a friendly non work related talk with others. Maybe 1 person each month started the conversation first.
3. Add to your greeting of Hello, a comment about the weather, or compliment them on something. If its a guy compliment a girl, older gals can tell when its a true compliment or the guy trying to hit on them. They have a sense. Remember this is your training, tell yourself it's not a pick up line to find a partner. How about “I really liked the book report you gave the other day.” or “Those are really nice earrings” Most will say thankyou. If you see a funny look in their eyes, quickly add, “It looks like my moms/sisters taste in earrings, I want to get them for her Birthday.” Usually everyone responds with thankyou. Thats the end of it. Only a minor few will feel they have to reciprocate and compliment you back. This all may seen a big step but it really isnt if you have truly mastered the smile, eye contact and greeting part. It's the natural progression from there.
4. Last step, you can drop the greetings part for you are going to start up a real conversation with a total stranger based on where you are at the time and what you are doing. At a clothing sales rack at the store, as soon as someone else joins you there, pick out two tops/ shirts or whatever and ask, “Hey, mind if I ask your opinion? Which is these do you think looks better for me?” And hold them up to you one by one. Most people love to give their advice or opinion. We tend to give it even when not asked for it. LOL Or find the clerk at the dressing room and ask her. It will take you planning ahead thinking of all the places you frequent, and how you might start up a conversation.
Like how to start one while waiting at a bus stop with someone. 'Wish this bus would hurry up and get here. Do you think it's on schedule or late?” and later, “I take the bus to save on gas and wear and tear on the car but I still drive. Do you drive too or strictly take the bus?” Sometimes once you started the first couple questions, if the other is in the mood to talk they will change the subject and make a comment or ask you something. You will want to give the greatest amount of time to this step because it involves lots of creative thinking to coming up with ways to start a conversation, even if thats not your strong point, it can be done.
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