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Im confused about what I feel
England. Female. 16.
I've been dating a guy for a couple of weeks now. We were friends for almost over a year. I've always dated the boys that had the bad side to them, I always seemed to be attracted to them, even though all of those relationships ended badly. However, the guy I'm currently dating, he wanted to be with me for ages, but I just somehow wasn't attracted to him in any way shape or form. He's one of those good guys, he's so nice, sometimes I think too nice. He does make me laugh, he encourages me to do things I never would of thought I had the ability to do. The thing is, I don't know whether I'm doing the right thing by being with him. But, if I wasn't with him, I think I'd miss him. It's like I want to be with him, but I don't. The littlest things he does, sometimes really annoy me. Like, the way he's so clumsy, the way he just falls asleep whilst texting. I don't know what is going through my head. Is he just a friend? What can I do? I'm unsure about my feelings.
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These kinds of situations are tough because only you can figure out how you feel about him.
He does sound like a great guy but if you don't have feelings for him, maybe you only see him as a friend.
It's obvious you don't want the types of guys from the past because each relationship ended badly because most boys who have a bad side to them, aren't fit to be boyfriends.
So I think you need an in between. A guy who can actually be a good boyfriend, who is good to you, treats you well and loves you but also a guy who is bold and spontaneous, sometimes unpredictable.
What you should do is take time off. Spend time away from him for awhile till you get your feelings sorted out. If you feel like you won't be happy with him and you don't feel anything for him then let him go.
I think with every person you date, there will be something that will bother you. Nobody is perfect so you can't expect your boyfriend to be. But the reason why those small things don't break couples up is because they work through them and try to see past it. They don't let it affect the relationship.
So you can't change that he is clumsy. That would be something you would have to live with. As for the texting and falling asleep, that should be something you should talk to him about. When he gets tired, have him tell you goodnight.
So right now, get time to yourself to think. Don't talk to him for awhile or hang out with him. Just ask him for some time and then figure out your feelings.
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You can talk to him about the little things that he does that annoy you and see how he can fix them (ex: being more careful or saying goodbye if he feels that he is going to fall asleep). He sounds like he brings out the best in you and is a really great guy.
P.S. I don't know how helpful this will be for you considering your 16 and I'm only 13.
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Your inner voice was telling you that dating the guys you have been is not worth you putting time and energy into. That is good. You heard and are trying to figure out your next move.
However the nice guy type you chose, there's something about his personality that doesn't attract you. There is something missing in him that you like in the bad guy type, that common thread common denominator if you look close enough. look long and hard at the men you have dated in the past and compare them in the early stages, not so much after they have changed. There will be a common thread that ties them together. One thing that women said when asked why they choose one type over the other, is that nice guys seem boring and the bad guys seem exciting. What is it that makes them exciting?
Maybe they are more bold, self assured, willing to take risks, thinks and lives outside the box, un-predictive. All those things I just mentioned are things every woman wants in a guy. But she wants those ingredients in a nice guy because if a nice guy had them, he would still treat her with respect, be in love with her and not tire of her later, uphold and support her and encourage her (as your current guy does) but have a bit of the un-predictive in him. Thats what keeps the spice in the relationship. Same for long term marriages. Instead of falling into a rut, couples need to be willing to do something daring together or surprise their partners.
I think a lot of these traits in a guy are what stimulate an interest in females, the same as in the animal kingdom. The strong of two stags in a fight over a female is the one who gets to mate with her. Even However the nice guy type you chose, there's something about his personality that doesn't attract you. There is something missing in him that you like in the bad guy type, that common thread common denominator if you look close enough. look long and hard at the men you have dated in the past and compare them in the early stages, not so much after they have changed. There will be a common thread that ties them together. One thing that women said when asked why they choose one type over the other, is that nice guys seem boring and the bad guys seem exciting. What is it that makes them exciting?
Maybe they are more bold, self assured, willing to take risks, thinks and lives outside the box, un-predictive. All those things I just mentioned are things every woman wants in a guy. But she wants those ingredients in a nice guy because if a nice guy had them, he would still treat her with respect, be in love with her and not tire of her later, uphold and support her and encourage her (as your current guy does) but have a bit of the un-predictive in him. Thats what keeps the spice in the relationship. Same for long term marriages. Instead of falling into a rut, couples need to be willing to do something daring together or surprise their partners.
I think a lot of these traits in a guy are what stimulate an interest in females, the same as in the animal kingdom. When two stags are fighting over a female, the stronger of the two is going to get to mate with her. Maybe its something about the one willing to fight for her, he knows what he wants. Whether a female is being sexual with a guy yet or not, there is something about those qualities that excite her passions. Some nice guys have those qualities but are good at hiding them and not letting them out until they feel secure enough with a girl. There is enough you like about this guy that it might be good to give it more time to see if he can be those exciting aspects for you. Not that he can be changed, but just be hiding these parts of him. I have a husband who is the proper nice guy in public but at home behind closed doors, he's a tiger. We might do something like both be nude at home when we know we will have company stopping by any time. As it gets closer and I want to get dressed, he'd stop me and say, I love to see you nude, don't get dressed yet, they might be late and then try to distract me. So finally they knock on the door and we race to see who can get dressed the fastest to go answer it. Or we went for a walk through the forest when he turned and stopped and kissed me and wanted to make love. Just the thought that someone could find us made it exciting but I didn't really want someone to see me. He grabbed my
hand and started pulling me off the worn foot path into the bushes through clearings and he kept looking until we had a spot shielded from any of the foot paths. No one would see us. It was great fun. Definitely not a boring guy.
Whether your nice guy has enough of the exciting qualities in him that you want, is going to be up to you to decide. If you decide its not him, find another seemingly good guy and start looking for clues whether he has those exciting traits. If you are aware of what you are looking for, you will get better and better at spotting it. Thats what dating is all about, learning what we like and dont like and acquiring the skills to spot it in a guy. That helps us to one day find the guy who becomes our mate. Good luck dear.
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