|
Relationship Fix?
My bf of 5 months is kind of difficult to date. I'm not saying I dont have problems cause everyone does but heres the deal.. he's the eccentric type, 'punk style'. He cares about his appearance more than his relationship, and would rather play video games than cuddle with his gf. He tells me he's not into being romantic, though he does buy me flowers the odd time, holds my hand in public and kisses me on the neck when having sex. I find that I'm the one always making the plans to hang out, text first, take time off my schedule etc. I hate that I am the one to always initiate things because it makes me feel like he doesn't care... or try. And when I confront him about these things, he tells me everythings fine and that he doesn't want to end up breaking up with me. He tells me I should 'relax' I guess, but I feel like I cant cuz I feel like our relationship isn't stable anymore and he knows it. So I guess my questions are: how can I fix this 'distance' I feel between us, how can I get him to be more involved in us without making it sound like he isnt trying? And how do i know he isnt interested in someone else? A little background info: I'm 21, he's 24. He's been cheated on in the past. I know he tells his friends good and bad things about me. He has some adhd and a bit of attention deficit disorder (he told me). He's supposed to take meds but told me they make him 'have no feelings' so he doesn't. Hence his 'eccentric' personality. He works hard and has good intentions, but I just feel like he doesn't care about me as his 'gf' even though he says he loves me... help?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Since you mention ADHD, i will say that in comparison, My son in law has it. And he has chosen to not take meds. It does not prevent him from being romantic and creative sexually, or trying to surprise her with things. I don't know if non medication will affect all people differently.
My experience is that although she has to carry the planning of their calendar or do the majority of driving to new places cus he couldn't handle that, he gives her plenty of attention and romance and conversation.
There is nothing you can do to change any person in this world. You only have control over yourself and changes in you. So to stay with someone, you must be okay with who they are right now for long term because some people make no changes in their lifetime, some make a few minor changes on their own for the better and others make one big change but nothing like that is guaranteed. It sounds to me like you can not be with someone like that long term. Dating is hard. It is also to be looked at as a learning experience. The things you do not like about him...make a list of it. Also the things you do like, make a separate list. With the next guy do the same thing and whenever you are out in public start observing men to see if you can see the traits you don't like and are trying to avoid. Eventually you will get good at it but it takes time and practice. Very few of us get it right with the first person we date.
]
It's really hard to have someone treat you differently when they don't want to.
You've already talked to him and he's just telling you to relax. I think you guys are just too different. He might be a totally great guy but some people's personalities just don't click like they should.
Because you've been doing your part in the relationship, he needs to put in his part in order to keep you around. He isn't doing that so he's not taking the relationship as seriously.
You can try talking to him one more time. Tell him that you want to meet him half way.
I mean he's not going to do everything the next day but if it starts slowly and he sees how much this means to you, maybe he'll gradually put in a little more effort for you.
If he still telling you to relax, then maybe reconsider the relationship? I mean maybe he needs a girl who is more relaxed and doesn't care if he doesn't initiate things. Maybe you need a guy who is more romantic and isn't all into his image more than you.
]
It sounds to me that he may just not be the ideal boyfriend for you. You may just be starting to realize that you two may not be compatible as partners.
A relationship is a 50/50 thing and unless you borh work at it, It isn't going to improve. Not all guys are the type to want to be intimate all the time and if that is what meets your needs then you may need to find someone eles.
On the other hand I may be wrong but I am getting the impression that he may be using you. The reason why I think this is because if he isn't showing that he cares and you are always initiating contact then why does he seem to come around during sex? Sounds a little off?
It's a complicated thing, I get it. I am just talking on an outsider's aspect. Communication is a must and if you don't have it, Forget it.
]
More Questions: |