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Forgave him but still struggling?
I've been dating my boyfriend long distance for 2 years. This August I am supposed to move in with him so we can drop the long distance issue and see if our relationship will work. However, recently he came clean about smoking weed behind my back. It's something I'm not okay with. I know weed is "innocent" and all of that jazz but I just personally don't want to date someone who's smoking/buying weed. How did I found out? I came across a dating profile of his on an escort website (casual hookups) by Googling his email. I was looking for something else. When I confronted him about it, he denied it. Said he didn't make it. Lied to me over and over. Finally, he came clean. Saying the reason he lied was because he made it when he was high and didn't want the weed habit to come out as he knew I'd get mad. He never used the profile. Last log in/created date was the same. So I gave him another chance because he did not use it. But it really is driving me crazy still. High or not, I don't know why he did it. I know he gets lonely but I will be there soon. And I'm not sure how much weed really played a role in all of this. Was the weed thing just an excuse? Or could he really have been that high?
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Trust is an important thing in a relationship. There is a little to start and it continues to grow and get stronger as long as both are not breaking any boundaries or rules you have set up for the relationship. If the two of you have not come up with it yet..i wouldnt wait until the day i move it. At that point you will be merely adding to a set of rules and boundaries already in place.
So far he has withheld information and lied to you. Behavior like that can change if he wants to change but you can not change him. Many people remain the same their entire lifetime and never change or grow to become a better human being. So watch him carefully and if you see a pattern develope of covering up and lieing and not keeping promises, then you will never be able to trust him so the relationship will not succeed. If you try to force the relationship to keep going on when rules and boundaries are not heeded, you both will be miserable. Some people drink to relax, they also can drink too much if there is something in their minds they are running or hiding from. Pot is same thing, you can have a little to relax, I use it very seldom but only when i get some real bad menopausal symptoms because it helps me with that. But a person can smoke too much and be so out of it, too relaxed to drive a car, not fast enough response, and may actually just sleep. You will have to wait to see how it affects him. It in itself is not a bad thing and actually has some medicinal properties if prepared a special way.
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Im not sure what to say about the weed- it affects people in different ways, but if the log in/created date is the same then it does mean he has only been on the site once. When youre high you do all sorts.
As for the fact that you're still struggling, its perfectly natural.
I read this on tumblr:
If you smash a plate and say sorry to it does it go back to how it used to be?
What it means is you just found out this other side to your boyfriend and you may forgive him but its not like the problem is just going to go away straight up like that- but at least he is being honest and talking to you, so don't worry so much.
And weed making him innocent? Weed being innocent? it really depends on how much he smokes and what it does to him. If he's really addicted, expect more problems in the future though...so I can understand not wanting to date someone whos on weed.
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