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Break ups


Question Posted Friday June 7 2013, 5:40 pm

18/f

Me and my now ex boyfriend broke up a couple days ago. He hasn't been happy for the past month so as a result, he didn't treat me right.
We were together for about 2 years. I just don't know how to handle it. Every guy I ever dated, I broke up with them. So when he broke up with me and didn't seem to care, I felt really hurt.

I haven't told my dad yet. They were really close and my dad was so supportive of us dating. So I know he'll have a lot of questions that I can't answer. It just meant a lot to me that I had a guy my dad loved.

With my previous break ups I was in school. I could easily move on because I had friends around and things to keep me busy. But I graduated last year and most of my friends moved. The only ones left are the ones that are best friends with my ex.
I'm pretty much being sad at home. I don't have a car and I went to school for a semester last year out of state but I'm currently not in school..and obviously it's summer.
I'm dealing with the break up the wrong way.

I've never learned how to be alone. Throughout my whole high school experience, I always had a guy. I never realized I was one of those girls until I reflected and noticed I spent only two weeks alone between my break ups without talking to a guy at all.
Most people have told me to just go out and have fun. I have one friend who I go to on Sunday nights because that's the day she doesn't work. So that's my friend time.

I spend a lot of time home alone. My dad works and both my mother and my brother are in rehab.
I guess my question is, how do I handle this by myself? What can I do at home to keep me busy?
Thank you so much.


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PinkVsBlue answered Sunday June 9 2013, 6:33 am:
Ok, it kind of sounds like you don't know how to handle not being the one in control of the situation. The truth of the matter is you can choose how to handle the situation now. Either to your benefit or not. Now there is nothing fun about break ups. Obviously if there is something you can do to try fix the relationship and you both want to then do give that a shot. However, I'd also suggested learning to be happy and alone with yourself. Don't get me wrong, don't become a loner. But knowing the things you like and how to make yourself happy is important. Don't dwell, try hard not to recount memories of you two. Go out. Join some clubs. Its sounds silly but keep busy. This you can even do at home, read books, research stuff? Anything that actually has your interest. Then talk to your friends that are there. Talking always help.

I hope you feel better!

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chalese answered Saturday June 8 2013, 3:54 pm:
k its nothing easy about break ups.. and you been with this person for two year so im pretty sure the word love was used soo the best thing to do is give space.. not too long but let him now how you feel tell him you love him and hes the most important thing in your life let him know you both make mistakes and the stupidest and biggest mistake will be to let him go.. but most of all you have to realize that the little things you both do will get to the other and a relationship has problems but if you cant work threw them then someone is not doing their part little things big things could end a relationship but little things could keep then going so look at both sides and tell him how you and him should work towards changing.. if he loves you he wouldnt leave he will come back.. if not life dont stop here that just means its someone better out there for you.. wish you the best

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adviceman49 answered Saturday June 8 2013, 12:23 pm:
It sounds like you never had to learn how to make friends, that your boyfriends friends became your friends until the break ups. This happens and there is nothing wrong with you. You just need to learn something you never had to do before. I have a suggestion that you may find useful. I've given this suggestion to others who have for many reasons found themselves having to make new friends.

The first thing you need to do is sit down with paper and pen and make a list of everything of interest to you. Try and think of all the things you like to do, use the alphabet if you think it will help.

I had to take my own advise after becoming disabled. Some of the things I like to do is to cook. I like to write stories even though I'm not looking to publish. I like to experiment with recipes. I'm an airplane buff and I like taking pictures especially of airplanes. These are all things I can do within the realm of my handicap.

Once I put these down on paper and could visualize them I was then able to use my computer to research clubs that offered or catered to my interests. Recipe exchanges on the web occupy a lot of my time while my wife is at work. She and I enjoy cooking together. My son is an airport fire fighter and through him I am able to get close to the runway and take photo's I share at a photo club.

What I am suggesting is you so the same and make a list of those things you enjoy doing. Then number then in order of importance. Take the top 5 and see if there are any clubs or outings that fit with you interests.

The key to everything we do is communication. The ability to talk to someone. Having a common interest breaks down the barrier of the awkwardness in striking up a conversation with a stranger, especially when done in a group setting. These conversations lead to having coffee, then to dating and the next thing you know your in a relationship.

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