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My best friend's too attached to me!
i have a bff who's 11, I'm 13. I've known her for ages, but recently I've noticed that she's become sort of obsessed with me. for example, my other friend introduced me to her new friends, so we became quite close, but my bff tried to brake our friendships by back-chatting and stuff. also, if a boy asks me out, and i tell her about it, she goes weirdly jealous and upset, as if she wants me to herself. loads of those kinds of things keep happening, which i hate. Also, she takes everything much too seriously. Like recently she asked if i could sleep over at her house, so i said maybe, but then i said i couldn't because i hate loads of homework, then for the rest of the day she was obsessing over whether i could go to her street party the next day. when i said i couldn't, she got really angry and tried to make me jealous by saying she was going to invite some other girl...I think I'm starting to not like her...What should i do?!! Thanks, and please don't say any negative things!!
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Actually what is happening between you and your BFF is quite normal for the age group/ While two years difference in age is not huge. It is when the age difference is between a preteen and a teenage. She sees you drifting away from her. Whether you are or not is really not materiel. She perceives it to be therefor it is. Perception is 90% of reality at times.
You are growing and maturing this is a natural part of life. It is also natural for you to she her , at times as childish and child like, for she can an will be at her age.
I'm not saying she doesn't understand what is happening, it is more like she doesn't want to lose you and that is what she sees. What you need to do if you want to maintain the friendship is make her understand that you are still BFFs and always will be. What she needs to understand is that you are older and you are gaining new interests. Interest in things she may be to young for or just have no interest in. Because of this you are also making new friends.
What she really needs to understand is that is that even though you are growing up and maturing, finding new interest is that you will always be there fore her when she needs you. This is going to be hard to explain and something you may wish to enlist the help of her mother in explaining to her.
This two year age gap is going to be a problem for many years as you will for now and until you she is 16 or 17 always going to be ahead of her in things you can do that she may not be allowed to do. If you continue to be BFFs this will continue to be a point of contention with her.
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If you are feeling crowded by her and her emotions too hard to handle but things were ok before then something has changed for her. You're 2 years older. You've probably been going through puberty for some time. Maybe she is just starting and the overload of hormones is affecting her behavior and emotions.
But she also could have a low self image. Was she kind of like that growing up? Teens begin to branch out from childhood friends and make new ones in addition to their old friend. That is normal. She perhaps has not gotten to that point yet.
Talk to her about how you've noticed a change in her. Mention puberty hormones and ask her if she has noticed being more sad, weepy, or more easily angered lately. Tell her that her ways of handling her emotions are starting to irritate you and if it continues it will push you away. But let her know you still like her and care about her and want to be able to encourage her through these hard times of transition for her. But you can't be the only one. Encourage her to talk to her mom about how she is feeling with her emotions...moms understand cus they were there once.
But she doesnt improve, take the space you need to keep yourself sane and less stressed. Give her time and check to see if she has changed for the better later. Always be willing to let her into your life again if her behavior and attitudes have changed
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Your friend is young, Likely she views you as an older sister or a role model.
Have you tried talking to her nicely and explaining to her that you need a little space? Maybe tell her you love spending time with her but you are falling behind in school and need to try to spend more time catching up? She may get offended yes, This is why it is important to explain it too her. Let her know as soon as you are ready you will catch up with her. Perhaps make plans to see her a few days. Example ( If it is a Monday, Make plans to hang out on a Thursday) This will allow you to take a little break. Sometimes when two people hang out a lot they get used to having one another around. You're friend just doesn't understand, Talk to her nicely.
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