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my boyfriend talks for hours to another girl... what should I do?
My boyfriend talks for hours with a girl..she is in of his age and they are 2 years older than me..what should i do?
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He obviously has some sort of emotional attachment to her. As your boyfriend, you should be the girl he is most strongly attached to emotionally (aside from his mother or something).
You also have to consider the length of your relationship. Is she his best friend? Have the known each other for much longer than you've been dating? If your relationship is new, it may make sense that he's a little more attached to her right now - as he would be with any friend.
However, if you feel like something is wrong - and it sounds to me like you do - then something probably IS wrong. Do you feel like, although you have a sexual and romantic connection with him, he values his conversations and time with her more? That's an issue.
I would talk to him about it. Don't make accusations or start a fight, as that will make you sound a little crazy. But you could say something like, "Hey, I know you talk to *her name* a lot, and I get it that you guys are just friends, but it makes me feel sort of bad. I feel like you and I don't talk as much with each other. I just want you to know that you can tell me anything, and I'll never judge you or get angry. So, you shouldn't feel uncomfortable discussing anything with me."
This way, you're not blatantly saying that you feel insecure. You're making it sound like you hope that HE is comfortable. In any sensitive conversations, avoid making "YOU" statements, i.e. "You make me feel like X" even if it's true. Use "I" statements, such as "When X happens, I feel like Y." That way he won't feel attacked, and fewer arguments will ensue.
Good luck!
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It doesnt sound normal to me. Does he also talk to you for hours when he is with you? If he doesn't perhaps there are other points he likes about you.
But that still means he desires good conversation. t
But that still means he desires good conversation. Or maybe since they are in the same grade and facing some of the same things or same studies, they have that in common. Do you know what they talk about? If its all just fun stuff, and not homework related, then the best way to handle it is to bring it up.
Do not accuse him of anything, if he's gonna hang himself with his own words, let him do it. Then again, I have assumed things that like your example sound like just what it is, him paying too much attention to another girl when he has said you are his girlfriend. I have made a statement only to find out I was wrong and there was a logical explanation.
If there is a logical explanation, its not nice that he hasn't told you what is going on so you dont have to sit there wondering. But he honestly due to his age and inexperience may not have had it occur to him.
I don't know how you know he talks to her for hours so unless you yourself have witnessed this yourself you cannot say so. If a friend has said so or his phone was busy for hrs it is not proof that would hold up in court so to speak. YOu can mention you know he has spent some time on a consistant basis with her if this is happening daily or every other day. Ask him if they are working on a class project together. Act cool and don't interrogate but say you're not jealous, just curious as to what they talk about. Hopefully if you can pull this off without sounding jealous or sending off anxious vibes, he may open up to you and tell you whats going on.
Does he have many male friends or does he seem to talk mostly with women.?
My husband is the type who has 1 close male friend from childhood but other than that usually made friends with only females throughout his life. Some were strictly friends, some became lovers before he married his ex. Now he's with me.I am secure with who I am to him. He is not sexually attracted to other females but still enjoys conversation with females over males.
If this is who your guy is and you can not accept him for it, he will resent you wanting him to be different and rightly so. This is why I caution you to so slowly and check it out. But you have to ask to know, right. If he has nothing to hide and it is all innocent conversation with females and he is only romantically attracted to you, then you don't want to mess it up. then again, usually at this age, a guy might not have figured this out yet about himself and be confused about it himself.
Then again, if he is trying to straddle the fence and keep two girls on the hook at the same time it will soon become obvious. Are you friends with the girl at all? If you are, it would be easy to say I see John likes chatting with you. When we're together we talk about -------, what do you guys talk about? If you can keep calm you can find out if she knows about you and him or not. She is not your enemy or competition if she didnt go after him first not knowing about you. She would be in the same boat as you. If (Lets say John) has not told her he was dating you when he went after her, it would be his fault concealing that info, not hers. If she came after him and he chose not to tell her about you, again it is his fault for not saying something, not hers.
Once you learn what is really going on, then you can make an informed decision.
Or perhaps there is nothing wrong and no decision needs to be made
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It is ok to talk to other girls and be friends with other girls but it's not ok to talk for hours.
He may not be doing anything wrong like cheating but he is breaking boundaries of a relationship.
You can't stand as close to the line as you want because it brings insecurity to the other partner and that's not what a relationship should feel like. You should be able to trust each other.
So put boundaries up. You both need to sit down and talk about it. He will probably just say they are friends. If he does, just say that it's ok for him to be friends with her but you're not comfortable with him talking on the phone for hours. If he respects how you feel, he'll stop.
I've known couples who have a great relationship because they put up boundaries. Lots of married women I know will be friendly but said they don't feel the need to be buddies with other men because they have their husband and their girl friends.
So, it's ok to have other guy friends and it's ok for him to have other girl friends but it's not ok to spend so much time with them or have hour long phone conversations.
Talk to him and work this out.
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Talk to him, It's okay to have friends but to ignore your own relationship is wrong.
A relationship needs boundaries, Talking for hours sounds like he may have developed or already have feelings for this person. YOU are his girlfriend abd should be his main priority not this "friend". Talk to him and let him know your not comfortable with him excessively talking to someone and it makes you feel insecure. If he can't respect that abd back off then you need to move on.
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