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what to do about friend
I have a friend I'll call Bob. His wife told my wife that he hit her in the stomach when she told him she was pregnant with their second child. They've been married about four years. he is 32 and she is 25. On Facebook, I saw him post "married women looking for men" as his status, but I think he put it in the wrong box on his phone, intending it to be in the search box. I saw it and responded to it with "?" and he deleted it quickly. Later, he asked if I thought it was funny and he was showing his friend from work all the stuff on Facebook. I didn't believe him. Since then, I've distanced myself from him and he hasn't called me in a month or so. I can't tell anyone why I'm treating him like this because if he found out, he would know it was his wife who told on him and told my wife. I find this behavior despicable and in conflict with my morals. I really don't want to be friends with him anymore. So, I have to keep quiet. He has already commented to my son that I was "acting weird" when he saw my son at the store where he works. So do ya'll think I should tell our friends that we have in common why I'm giving Bob the "cold shoulder" if someone asks about it or just be quiet?
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Poor gal. She's only 25, married at 21. I married at 20. As a person, we know so little at that time and that it doesnt occur to us what really is proper treatment of another human being and what is not acceptable. I was only emotionally abused all my marriage. I left after 30 yrs.
This young woman may not live to see another 30 yrs.
I have a girlfriend who had a child from a previous abusive marriage, her 2nd marriage ended up the same. When she was like 5 months along her husband beat her stomach up so bad she aborted right there on the kitchen floor in a pool of blood. When she went to agencies asking for help, she was told to pack her son and some belongings in a car and leave the state and go far away and let no one know where she went so he could not come looking for her. Abusive men will consider a woman his property to do with as he wishes and will stalk them and hunt them down to kill for leaving. Best thing you can do is first suggest she go to an agency for help. Women who are beat once or twice will continue to be beat because the man has an issue. Agencies may have more they can do today. If not, think of someone you know out of state who might be willing to take her in until she can find work and get on her feet. But if she wants help she needs to leave the area without a trace and quickly. THe fact that he is already suspicious of how you are acting with him is enough to get him thinking she said something, and its not the facebook thing. he's not stupid, just abusive with an anger issue. Thats enough to make him attack her again. I know i would feel guilty if i had not at least tried to talk to the woman and see if i could convince her to leave him for her sake. Just say as little as possible to anyone who asks, that he SAID something you did not like and you no longer want anything to do with him. Do not use the word DID as in he DID something you did not like because he knows what his problem is and will instantly make the connection that you found out he is a wife beater.
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This is a tricky situation. I agree he sounds awful and I support you choosing not to continue your friendship. Though I'm not sure telling mutual friends about what his wife said would help. It might even put her in a potentially dangerous situation...you also risk having Bob confront you if one of your mutual friends tells him what you've said. My advice is, if a mutual friend questions you, give a direct answer that Bob has behaved in a way you don't agree with, but leave if at that. I also suggest that perhaps your wife could talk to Bob's wife. A man willing to hit a pregnant woman in the stomach is a dangerous man.
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