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is my best friend a lesbian?
Question::
I am a girl 38 years old and my best friend is 27 years old she is a girl too.She kissed me on the lips passionately six years ago so i told her not to do it that time so she didnt do that ever again to me.Now we are still best friends but she has two kids and is married.Shes getting marriage problems at the moment and we went clubbing last saturday night, i think i still have the same feelings for her but dont know if she still loves me the same back.But a couple of days ago she was holding my hand in the stree,hugging me on the bus,hugging me in the nightclub but then she told me that she wasnt a lesbian when i was playing with her at the nightclub on last saturday night.What should I do?We have been best friends for 13 years?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Alright, you may not like this advice, but, I'd suggest a simple, casual intimate relationship. THIS DOESN'T HAVE TO MEAN SEX!!!
it can mean just kisses here and there, snuggling, being close, doing everything people usually would, maybe a lil' sex, but don't force it.
But, it's only up to you. You don't read these posts for advice, you read these to find the answer you WANT to read.
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I'd say simply be honest with her, she is your best friend so should understand... Also explain that it makes you feel slightly awkward and Un comfortable and you would've spoke to her earlier but you didn't want to risk ruining the friendship and wasn't sure on how to explain your feelings. You have been friends for a very long time and you sound like a good friend. Be honest, calm and nice. Good luck x
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You ask what you should do...you mean a decision to continue to remain friends or not? I do not see a problem. 6 yrs ago she was 21 and at that age possibly still in the mode of exploring and defining her sexuality. A few dont do it until they are much older and braver to do the exploring.
You did not mention your situation whether married or not, have a current boyfriend, lack of intimacy and sex with a man. You only mentioned your friends situation. So that makes it harder so i will try to cover all possiblities and make some guesses.
Usually a person knows whether they are lesbian or not. Same goes for the bi sexual female as far as how she feels about another woman. It's more than admiring the looks of a woman and finding her pretty, its actually that drive and desire to want to have sex with a particular female. And in the act finding a great fulfillment from being with a female.
Some are wired that way from birth. Others are not but still comfortable being les or bi. WHY? A survey of bi women I came across showed that an overwhelming percentage had been raped, assaulted, or abused by a boyfriend or husband in their past. As a self protection thing, their mind and psyche wouldn't allow them to get close to a man ever again except for the one they trusted that they married. There are women also who are lesbian not because they are wired that way but because they had same experiences and women are just safer to be with in a relationship. They can get the tender nurturing care a man didnt give or couldn't give.
And that brings me to the last type of woman. The last is a heterosexual woman for sure, she likes and relates to men sexually. However, over time in a marriage that used to have sexual intimacy it has dwindled to almost nothing. She is compelled to stay until her children are grown and can take care of themselves. So what does she do in the meanwhile? Most these women do not make a conscious thought or decision to seek out another woman but it just happens. They both have a lack of sexual intimacy with a man, both females are not bi sexual or lesbian but both after talking about their lives, want to be there for each other because they are good friends and help support each other through the rough times which include sexual intimacy. My guess is that not only is she going through a rough time in that area but you are too.
So have a heart to heart chat with her. If you need some kind of intimate love from each other, decide to what level or degree you're both comfortable with. All humans need hugs and love on a daily basis to keep the naturally occuring hormones that prevent depression from occuring from falling too low. This is a very important need. If all you decide to do is kiss and cuddle and hug and hold hands...thats good enough to take care of your emotional health. If you feel the need to go further, nothing wrong with that. The future could find both of you with new men in your life who are Mr. perfect and you both no longer have the need to be so intimately close and just switch back to being the non sexual girlfriends you were before.
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