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it will be the first time ever
i am 17 and my bf is 18. i love him a lot and he too. we were in a long distance relationship for about 5 years. now he has moved into my city and he wants to give me this special gift of being physical with him on my birthday next week. it is okay since his family knows about us and our future plans so he will not dump me. but i am really shy. i do not know why but he took me out to a date yesterday and i did not even let him hold my hand. i feel butterflies in my stomach with him around. i tense up and sweat. i have told him this but he says that i will not be shy after the first time. but how do i get over the first time itself? the idea of him with me in bed , touching my private parts and seeing me naked, feeling him inside me,kissing him etc. is like too difficult . please help!! i have to do this and i want to...so please don't ask to postpone it. just help me with the shyness thing, maybe give tips on how to relax with him around. thanks.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Ouch...
Alright, so here's the thing. Dating, sex, these things are usually a process. In the adult world, yeah, it would not be uncommon to date someone a few times and sleep with them having known them a month or less.
People (ideally) do this after having grown up dating people, having first kisses which did not lead to sex quickly, exploring sexuality slowly and getting comfortable with each step deeper into it before they make the next one.
You know, or they end up drunk and in bed with a friend freshman year in high school, but not everyone has a perfect progression.
Don't have sex on your birthday. You aren't ready.
One of the things you learn through slow progression is that being physical with someone can be a beautiful thing, or a fun thing, or a relaxing thing, or a comforting thing, or all of them at once. You learn to enjoy letting someone in, being intimate with them, and giving them access to your body that no one else but you is otherwise allowed.
You learn to feel safe with someone, be vulnerable around them, and not be afraid of what happens after. Because what happens after is good.
Five years or no five years you need that progression, and you need to explain that to him. You need to be free to take it slow. To go on a date and kiss him only at the end of it. To get used to kissing and eventually make out. To let him touch some part of you you are comfortable with, get used to that, and then let him touch something else.
Nudity... well by the time you're ready to let him see you naked you'll probably also be ready for sex to some degree or another. It's really not that big a deal.
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You won't enjoy it if you're not ready. You might even come to regret it.
You can't just have sex with a guy when you can't even let him hold your hand. You need to get to that comfortable level with him first.
I wish I could tell you how to relax with him around but there is no way until you spend more time with him and know him physically.
You won't necessarily not be shy with him after the first time, it will be awkward if you don't know him physically and you don't want that.
Like Rahzie said, don't do it on your birthday. That could just end up ruining your birthday if things don't go as planned.
You guys know each other on a different level. You don't know him physically yet.
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Just because you have chatted 5yrs does not mean that you have gained a level of feeling comfortable in his presence. I have spent lots of time ongoing in on line chat with a guy and then when we finally meet face to face, though he's good looking and I knew his mind and personality, I didn't feel that sexual spark, that chemistry with the guy. There is no way to know if that will be the case for you.
So to plan to have sex with someone you have never held hands with or kissed or just spent time snuggled watching a movie is not a good idea. Spend time together as friends and let the attraction and desire to experience the steps leading up to sex, just develop slowly and naturally.
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I would advise against doing this on your birthday.
There are three big reasons:
Your birthday is your day. You want to enjoy it without the stress and worry that sex is causing you. Your boyfriend certainly means well, but its not the kindest suggestion. Let your birthday be your birthday. Let the first time you have sex be just that.
Your boyfriend is also wrong that you will suddenly get over your shyness after the first time - you might, some people do - but some people don't, and your boyfirend needs to respect that.
Finally, don't do this because you aren't ready. You've been long distance for years! Don't rush yourselves into full blown sex. Make out, have fun, pet and touch either. Get to know each others bodies. That will help you with your shyness, and frankly, it's more fun that way!
Your boyfriend might love you very much, but its not a gift of you have to do it! There are many reasons to wait, even just for a day other than your birthday.
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congratulation you will get it next week ,you are also waiting for it from long time .you know shyness is the ornaments of girl ,do not need tense support him when you go bed after one or more kiss and when he push you and touch your private part part you forget all and you remember only one things [sex and love ]sex is the last stage of love .is a good feeling after sex you feel very peace in your mind and want again and again .so just relax you should happy at least you found your love in true word .take enjoy dear best of luck for it
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