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He never wanted me to meet his friends. .. Was he just using me?
I broke up with someone who made me feel like he was ashamed of me.
After a year I never once met his work friends as he said they were not good enough for me to meet. He would never hold my hand or show any affection in public. And it was a struggle to get him to even go out for dinner.
Was he just using me the whole time?
How can I stop feeling the ashamed feeling?
Thanks
I'm 34 & female.
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You shouldn't feel ashamed. You just need to realize he wasn't the right guy for you. You want someone who can do more for you. Since he couldn't do that for you, that's why you ended it. I don't see him as using you but you just have to realize you'll be happier without him and with someone who can give you the kind of love you want and need.
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You aren't doing yourself any favors by clinging to an idea that he 'used you'. It might be true, but it's definitely not helpful.
This is the important bit, and the only thing you can know for certain:
He wasn't a good match for you. He didn't want the kind of relationship you wanted. He wasn't able to give you the kind of support your wanted from your partner.
He doesn't need to be a bad, bad person. (Maybe he was. I can't know for sure. You probably can't know for sure either!) He doesn't have to have been a bad person who was using you, for him to simply be not good enough for you.
The ashamed feeling stops when you stop trying to make up explanations and invent reasons for actions that have long since passed, for people you no longer talk too. It stops when you go "Yep. That was a bad relationship for me." and to forgive yourself for whatever mistakes you felt you made. It stops when you accept that you will NEVER really know what was going through his mind, and that it doesn't really matter anymore anyways.
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