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Please help me deal with my parent's illness. I feel helpless and don't know what to do!
My father had stomach cancer at the age of 46 .he was so young..he had his stomach removed so that the cancer won't spread.im a mbbs student .i know what patients who had their stomach removed due to various medical reasons suffer..I know my dad is suffering.. I feel bad. I am depressed.i want to remove the pain from my dad. He is such agreat man.he works hard for my family.he is also a doctor.please help me.
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It would be grate if we could take someones pain from them simply because we love them or just want them not to be in pain, even for just an hour or so. Unfortunately you know as well as I do that that wanting to and being able to are two different things. There are somethings that at this present time no matter how much we want to do something. That something is just beyond our ability to do so.
Another way to look at this is that your dads a fighter. As a doctor he knew what he was looking at by having his stomach removed and having a chance at life at whatever the cost. Being able to be there for you no matter what the pain he must suffer so he can be there with you and for you. I think that makes your dad a very special kind of person. Many others in his position may have just given up and let the cancer take them rather than fight to survive and be with their families.
I know your dads pain hurts you. I can also tell you as I too suffer from a chronic pain disorder, that the last thing your father wants is for you to suffer for him or even with him. I am also sure he does not want you getting depressed over his decision.
You getting depressed is not helping him. Your dads a doctor and I'm sure he is a good one as well. Do you think you can hide your depression from him very long. I don't think you can and you being depressed will only add to his pain.
I know this for a fact because I have been there. Now compared to the pain your father is feeling mine is nowhere like it. But as I think you know pain is measured on a scale from 1 to 10 with 10 being the worst pain you have ever felt. When I see my wife or son feeling sorry for the pain I'm in it doesn't help me it actually hurts me more. For their pain cause me to get more stressed which raises my pain score. The same is true for your dad.
I didn't have a choice, someone ran into me when I was stopped for a light. I could have been killed but I wasn't. Your dad made and educated choice. The best thing you can do for him is not to get depressed. TO be the person he wants you to be which is the person you desire to be. To be their with him, help him when he asks for help and to be supportive when he needs support.
You being depressed for him or over him will not only hurt you but it will hurt him as well. This is a hurt you can control. Just remember that your dad made the choice to live and be with you and your family. Help him do just that by not getting depressed over a situation he chose so he could be with you.
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