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I am very self conscious, insecure and apparently too hard on myself
I am very very self conscious about myself. I always feel like shit. Sometimes I feel good about myself, but then I see all these other people that are just so much better than me and I realize that I'm nothing. I'm not good at anything, I'm not atheletic good at school, Im not the prettiest, I don't have big boobs. I don't do anything at all, I'm not really helpful with chores, I'm lazy with school and everything. I'm not rich and I can't do as many things as other kids. I'm just not good enough at all and I always just hate myself. I'm mean to people too, I guess I don't know how to control my anger and I take it out on ppl and then I get called abusive, mean, a bitch, always angry and I feel even worse and so guilty. I dont wanna be abusive, I care about people and I dont want to make them feel like shit ugh:( but I do anyway. And I just never feel like I deserve to be happy because im so shitty and I'll never live up to be as good as anyone else. My friend tells me that she doesnt understand how I think this way and that im a good person & I deserve to be happy & that I am better than good enough but I just... No I don't feel that way. She thinks that cause ive been there for her and helped her w/ shit but hell anyone wouldve been there for her. AghhI just always put myself down and tell myself that im stupid & ugly & dont deserve anything but feeling horrible and being treated like a piece of shit cause thats what I am and deserve. Is this normal? Do I really deserve to feel and think this way? I dont know. Other ppl always seem so much better, when I see pretty girls I just get so upset & sometimes I just dont talk to people cause I always feel like I'm going to sound stupid. And that im just talentless and worthless and a piece of shit. Ya think I deserve to feel this way? Cause im not good enough & that im mean sometimes? Ah I dont know help?
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This is not normal behavior nor thinking. You aren't crazy but it would be a good idea to consult a mental-health professional and find out where this negative thinking and beliefs has stemmed from and whether you are depressed on top.
If it's an illness doing it than the doctor knows how to silence that inner dialogue permanently. The truth is you're just as good as anyone else and none of the things you have accepted for yourself are true. You need to be made to see and accept this as a concrete fact.
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