|
Husband crossdresser need advice regarding behaviour
I've always known about my husband needing to crossdress from when we first got together I've helped him with clothes etc to help him feel more comfortable. Even go out for walks , always sit and listen if he wants to talk. The last 4 months he hasn't had chance to dress up etc as its been hectic im 6 mths pregnant his eldest child lives with us and is constantly in the house with his girlfriend. I noticed he started to get angry aggressive and like he can't cope with stress. I nearly left it got so bad. I pointed out he hadn't dressed etc for a while so he did and has complete chilled out again. I know his crossdressing was a stress reliever but does it really have this affect if left so long without? Any advice would be great. I try so hard to be supportive but I've been so devastated by recent behaviour, especially in a high risk pregnancy, could this be a valid excuse as he now seems his happy self.
Thank you for reading.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I think it's great that you're supporting your husband with his crossdressing. As I'm sure you're well aware, a lot of people wouldn't so good for you. I don't have a problem with it and as long as you're fine with it, great. The issue is that you can't think that it's okay for him to become so angry and stressed out just because he has this fetish. I mean, if it was some other habit, like surfing the internet, watching Disney movies, or wearing a hat and he started acting aggressive if he hadn't done it for awhile, you'd think that there was a huge problem and that he should see a therapist. It's fine for him to enjoy crossdressing, but he should NOT be acting like that if he can't do it. He needs to get a grip and gain some control. I exercise to relive stress, but if I can't exercise for awhile I don't freak out. If I did, I'd be thinking that maybe I needed some help. Do not make excuses for his behavior. Something is wrong here and he needs to see someone about it. Be very careful in choosing who it is, though. You want to make sure that it's not going to be someone that is going to judge him for his fetish and try to get him to stop doing it because it's "wrong". The issue isn't necessarily the crossdressing, it's how he acts when he can't do it. And it's a huge issue that needs to be addressed ASAP. Both he and you deserve to live happy lives and with this type of response, he really isn't. Nothing should have that much of a hold on him. Good luck.
]
I think this may be the only time I really disagree with Adviceman
While his actions are completely harmless, I would be questioning whether he may have more behind the cross dressing.
It's a funny thing really, A friend of my family who has grown adult children has been married for 14 years and she discovered he secretly crossed dress. Comes to find out he was gay and didn't know exactly how to break the news.
Maybe it is his way of relieving stress, Maybe it is no more then what it is. Let me ask you this, Are you okay with your husband cross dressing? Are you okay that he goes for walks like this? Now these are the answers to your question.
Now if I were in your shoes; Personally I am a little on the zero tolerance and judgment side.
If my husband chosed to cross dress personally I would really be questioning his sexual orientation. I would ask what made him chose this as a stress reliever and why.
]
Everyone deals with stress in different ways. Stress is the number one cause of clinical depression. Your husband chooses to deal with stress through the fetish of cross dressing. Others turn to alcohol, extra marital affairs or a whole list of items that will relieve their levels of stress and anxiety.
Since your husbands cross dressing does not bother you then this is not one of his stressors. His eldest son I am assuming may not be aware of his fathers fetish or does not want his girlfriend knowing.
The first thing you need to do is find out what is causing your husband to stress out. Is it in fact the inability to not be able to cross dress frequently or are their other factors that contribute to his stress level. This will require you and your husband to have an honest conversation with each other especially with the baby coming. He needs to tell you what stresses him out so you can learn them & monitor his level of stress.
Once you know the reason for his stress and to what levels he can tolerate before his behavior starts to change. Then you can monitor and make time for him to cross dress and relieve his stress.
This may mean sending his son to spend a few days with his mom. So your husband can cross dress at home after the baby arrives. If your step-son is old enough to stay by himself you two can spend the night at an inexpensive motel where your husband can cross dress and you two can go for a walk or whatever you normally do when he does. After the baby arrives going out for the evening becomes more complicated as you must find someone to take the baby for the night.
I see nothing wrong with your husbands fetish. Everyone deals with stress in different ways. Those that chose fetishes have a list that is long and colorful to chose from, most being very benign from the stand point of causing harm to themselves or others. Others turn to smoking, alcohol and other things to relieve stress.
Finding the stressor and knowing when your husband is close to his tolerance level is one way of helping him. The other way is through therapy, not for his fetish but to help him learn to identify the stressors in his life and how best to deal with them until he can have time to enjoy his fetish. No therapist will condemn him for his fetish. It is a non harmful one and if it relieves his stress then they will work with it.
]
More Questions: |