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Really long. please help.
Every year my boyfriend goes to The Vibes. For those of you who aren't familiar with it, its a annual four-day music, camping and arts festival thing. well last year I didn't go with him because we weren't dating at the time, although last year he texted me saying "i wish you were here, that'd be cool" (this is when we first starting talking).
Anyway.. last night I was over his house and he was telling me funny stories about his time at the vibes last year, and I said "I want to go with you this year!" and I was excited because I never went, and I invited myself because I figured he wanted me there since he said he wished I was there last year. Anyway, when I said that, he hesitated sort of and didn't sound as enthusiastic as I'd hoped. So I became immediately offended and I was just like "Okay... if you don't want me to go then just say so." ANd he's like "thats not the case at all" and Im like "so.. what is it then?" and hes like "Well I just dont want you to be uncomfortable.. because I'm gonna be doing stuff" and IM like "okay.... what stuff?" and hes like "well there are a lot of drugs going on there. and im like "yeah, i know you smoke a lot of weed. big deal" and hes like "well I may do shrooms too" and i was a little ehhh about that because i just dont really like more than weed but I sucked it up and didnt want to be controlling so I said "okay. thats fine." If thats what he likes to do to have a good time there every year then i cant really make him not do that. but then hes like "and i take some percocet" when he said that my mood immediately changed, and he noticed. and we ended up sitting down and talking about it and I told him that really makes me uncomfortable because its just not natural. and hes like "its my body (blah blah blah)... and all that. ANd my brother used to be addicted to Oxycontin, and he knows this. and idk.. the point I'm trying to get at here before i completely bore you guys, is that I want to go with him but 1. i dont want him taking pills he has NO prescription for. and 2. i feel wrong being around that after what my brother went through. And my boyfriend has no addictions gto anything. this is something he just does once a year at the vibes. But I really wanted to share this with him and go and its like he'd rather pop a few pills then to go with me. Thats how it feels and when i explained this to him hes like "thats not the case. and i only take 10mg at a time. and i dont drink with it." i know it wont turn into a problem for him but thats not the point. the point is hes pushing me to the side, and instead of just saying "you know what? forget it i wont take the pills id rather just be with you. if it makes you that uncomfortable its okay"... he just is stubborn and its making me feel really left out. I want to go but its like he doesnt wnat me to even if he says he does. hes very honest to the point its blunt sometimes so I know hes not LYING to me by saying he wants me to go. but its the point that hes willing to leave me out just to take some pills. What do I do? should i be offended? should i talk to him again even though i already did? should i be worried about him? should ijust let it go? is 10mg really that big of a deal? please share your stories! I'm really worried and cant stop obsessing over this......
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If you "Want to go to The Vibes" then you should go - with a group of people you know will want to enjoy the music and camping. When your boyfriend is doing stuff other than getting high, you can hang out with him too.
But, If you "Want to go to The Vibes with your boyfriend" then don't. He doesn't want to go 'with you' he wants to go and do drugs, and you don't sound like you wanna sit around and wait for him while he does.
He has been honest: The Vibes is just an excuse for him to get wasted in stupid ways. Lots of people use these summer festivals for exactly that. You are right to be a bit worried: It IS stupid to take perscription drugs you buy from sketchy people at music festivals.
So, What do you do?
Probably not go, certainly not go just with him. You both want very different things out of this 'vacation'.
Should you be offended?
Not too much - I understand why you feel a bit mislead. Last year's text of "I want you here" was probably honest. In that moment, he probably really did want you around, but that doesn't mean he necessarily wants to go the concert with you.
Should you talk to him agian?
That depends really. If you are going to look for a different group of people to go with, then yes, you should let him know that's what you are doing. If you are really disappointed in his stupid choices, that might be worth another clear statement of.
Should you be worried about it?
Worrying isn't about 'Should' it's about being worried. Is your boyfriend going to get seriously hurt? Probably not. Is he behaving in a responsible or safe way? Probably not. Whether you worry or not is really up to you.
Is 10mg really that big of a deal?
Well, it's not that much of the drug, that's true, but in my life anyone who thought taking any ammount of a perscription drug for kicks would be a 'big enough deal' for me to at least seriously consider ending the relationship over. I like to date people with better judgement.
You've got some soul-searching to do. I think your instincts are right: You can't tell your boyfriend not to be an idiot and you can't make him want the same concert experience as you do, but you CAN decide what kind of life and relationship you want to have, and this disagreement might be a sign that what you want and what he wants aren't compatible.
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Hi there!
Follow your gut, girl!
We really cant change what is going on in his mind (all boys).
We just gotta be the best we can be THAT will make him love us.. like love us and treat us properly.
Youre right, why does he prefer the drugs than you? well he just does...
Its a bitter pill, my dear... but there is someguy out there special for you and will treat you like you want and like what you dream of. I dont think its this one, because at the start, he is acting like what he wants- his way- and not sensitive or thoughtful about you. SO there might be some trouble at the end...
Dont worry too much... just remain friends but save some dignity and go be the best you can be... the right guy will eventually find you!
(sorry if i am too blunt? just my opinion here)
Smile!
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It sounds like he may be hiding something from you. Perhaps he has a history he doesn't want you to know about?
If he wants to do drugs and doesn't respect that you are not comfortable then sweetheart this may be an eye opener for you.
If he is choosing drugs over you then you need to leave him.
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