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She just told me im not the father, has abandoned the kids and is making out with other men while getting arrested for drugs... what do i do?
this hurts to say so bare with me im not going to use puncuations
my wife let me know one night about 5 months ago that our 6 year old son is the product of an affair she was smoking drugs with our neighbor while i was at work we have 3 children total including our little boy i am the only father he knows hes my little trooper he loves me so much i just cant bare to think about him finding out it will crush him
well since she told me our marriage has been rocky and i have been upset and have a bad taste in my mouth it has only been 5 months since she told me we get in fights and she says that im living in the past and wont let it go
so we took a temporary break from each other
now im sitting here with all three kids in our home and she is staying with one of her crazy friends just yesturday she was arrested for possesion of marijuana and there was a guy arrested with her i got ahold of his wife and let her know to tell her husband that i will be looking for him when he gets out well when he got out he called me first and was so scarred of me begging me not to hurt him for making out with my wife i had no idea about the making out i bailed her out and shouldnt have and as soon as we got home she was off again and hasnt been back since yes i have been an asshole im hurt
im wondering should i just leave her and move on
i love my son and am positive she will tell him
i have been home with them alone for a month now
she left us i have supported her for 13 years and im love with her very much but im sure she will continue to hurt us the thing is i grew up in a foster home with my 2 little sisters so i know whats its like to be parentless and i refuse to let them know i am insecure and fucked up to this day because of that
i think thats why i put up with her cheating is because i have been alone so much in my life i am desperate for love
i forgot to mention there are 6 times where i know of that she has cheated on me
there is no rationing with her she goes into deffensive mode anytime i want to talk about its not a happy nor a safe place here anymore
i have made a successful life for us we have a paid off nice big house nice cars and etc i dont know what else i can offer
she says its my fault cause i wasnt there
well i was at work
we had an agreement i make the money she makes the honey
anyone ever deal with something like this
being that i grew up in a foster home i have no parents to talk about this to
so please general public without bias what would you do
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Let me start by saying your a heck of a nice guy and your wife does not deserve you. If she ever is arrested again let her stay in jail for that is where she belongs for abandoning you and her children.
Now as for your son. You cannot be sure without a DNA test that he is not your biological son. For the moment I wouldn't worry about whether your his biological father or not for there is more to being a father than being just the seed planter. You are raising the child and the child is your son and you are the only father he knows. If you are on the birth certificate as his father then taking him away from you will be a problem. You don't know if the so called biological father even wants him.
Given the description of how your wife is acting at this time I do not see any court awarding her custodial custody of any of the children let alone unsupervised visitation.
I really don't have to tell you what you have to do next, I think you know what has to be done. It's not easy especially since you are still in love with her. But in the best interest of the children you need to start divorce proceeding. You said it yourself, "You bailed her out and as soon as you got home she left and you have not seen her since."
That's abandonment and should be grounds for divorce. Tell your lawyer what she has said about your son. Even though there may be a question about paternity he is far better of with you as a technical foster parent than with your wife. In the mean time your lawyer can if need be work to arrange for you to legally adopt him. This of course all depend on the results of a DNA test which is just as likely to prove you as the biological father.
Right now I wouldn't take anything your wife says as the truth for I think for whatever reasons she has or just under the influence of the drugs. She is saying things to hurt you. Wait until you have proof positive that you have something to worry about.
As much as I hate to recommend this you need to find a divorce lawyer ASAP. The sooner she is out of your life the better it will be for the kids and you.
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I would hire a lawyer and leave her. If she is heavily into drugs, cheated on you six times, and not parenting properly you have a case. A lawyer can tell you what your rights are with the 3 kids you know are yours for custody.
They can also order a DNA test on your son to confirm if he's yours. I'm pretty sure if a judge saw that she's messed up and clearly cannot parent on your own that you having custody is a better option. This isn't a healthy situation for anyone.
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