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will my relationship get ruined if we invite others into the bedroom?
My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. We are very open and trusting in one another. He has a child with a previous partner but I don't mind and we all get along with each other. A few months ago I came out that I was bisexual and he immediately entertained the idea of a threesome. We talked it over and agreed that it might not be the best idea. He told me he doesn't mind me fooling around with women when we go out to parties but I don't due to the fact it just isn't right. For a while we spoke of inviting others into the bedroom but never have. Well, a few nights ago we were at a party and this girl was hanging all over me and started touching me. He said it was okay so I just laid back and let it happen. I didn't kiss her and I felt a bit odd about it because we hadn't really discussed it with one another. Well, the next day we were talking about it and came to a conclusion. (Our guidelines and rules) We decided that we were both fine with fooling around with people but only if we were both present at the time and comfortable with the person, there would be no kissing or sex (strictly foreplay) if one of us felt left out or anything negative we would stop and that we don't do this with people we are friends with. We are both very open minded people and don't get jealous. I do have a slight fear that it might go sour and it might potentially damage our relationship. I am curious if anyone could give me insight or valuable advice I could apply to the situation, we have thoroughly talked it through and are confident our rules are going to work.
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This is a very difficult question for me because I've been in your situation. My husband and I did end up inviting another person into our relationship. It got really serious. We honestly loved her and she became a big part of our lives. I'd say the relationship escalated from a play partner to a kind of poly situation. It was amazing while it lasted, one of the best experiences of our lives.
The entire thing was just too good to be true though. While you can fully and completely trust your partner, you can never and should never trust someone that is willing to be the third wheel in a threesome. There's a reason why it's so hard to find someone that's willing to do it. Most girls that you'll find that would lower themselves to becoming a sexual object for a couple may seem like buckets of fun, but odds are they're very damaged. Could you ever see yourself just joining other couples if you were single? I certainly wouldn't, so why are we so willing to let someone else do it and not see anything wrong with it? Letting someone in that close gives them the tools to ruin you through your reputation and/or emotionally. It took you some time to come out to your boyfriend and a lot of discussion over whether you wanted to do this or not. Why is it okay that the third person be someone that you barely even know? You don't want to give someone that power without an insane amount of trust.
It turned out that this girl was dishonest to us the entire time we were together. The situation turned out to be extremely painful. It ripped me apart and even though it's been a few years, I'm still crushed by what happened. I still care deeply about her and it kills me to see where her choices have brought her. Choices I should have anticipated all along and known to avoid the relationship. It caused problems between my husband and I because it was such a crazy situation. We argued about her and what to do all the time. The problem with giving advice to you about this is that I should be screaming at you "DON'T DO IT!!", but I don't regret having done it myself. In order to understand and accept my own sexuality, I needed to experience a relationship with another girl. There weren't a lot of options and she gave me what I needed and more.
My advice for you would be to go for it if you get the chance, but tread very, very carefully. Do not enter into any kind of committed partnership with a third person and end the physical relationship after a few encounters or less. You don't want to get too close to the type of person that would do this for you.
I hope you find what you're looking for and I really do hope that you're careful! Do not find yourself saying "but she'll be different". Like I said, any girl that's willing to do this has to be at least a little crazy. Good luck! :)
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This is something that under the right circumstances has been known to work for some couples and has even enhanced their own sex lives. For something like this to work properly you have to have a firm foundation in your relationship with your partner. I do not see this foundation between you at this time.
You two may be living together or may be into a long term relationship. what is missing from this relationship, at least from what you have written, is the bonding that is needed to make the foundation. That bonding is a commitment to each other such as marriage.
Know I could be absolutely wrong in what I am saying as I do not know either of you and just what your commitment is to each other. The odds though are against a successful outcome here. One of you is going to get jealous or one of you is going to go beyond the rules that you have made for yourselves. It will happen in the heat of the moment. This is where the problem will come in and with out that foundation that binds it will be easier to split than to try and stay together and work through the problem.
Threesomes can be fun, even threesomes that allow for total fulfilment when it happens under the right circumstances. Maybe fulfilling a fantasy for a spouse. Swinging can be enjoyable for couples under the right circumstances and these circumstances begin with a secure marriage one where your love for each other is unquestioned and the swinging is just sex. Something like empty calories.
I suggest that besides just having rules you take a hard look at your relationship to make sure it is secure enough to withstand what ever may happen in a threesome. As even with rules once the ball gets rolling it is hard to stop.
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I am against threesomes.
Others may tell you differently but once you invite others into your private like with your spouse you are taking a risk. You take an emotional risk and as much as everything can be cool and trusting, some things don't always go as we plan.
Are you okay if your man started having feelings for the other woman? Would you be okay knowing she could possibly develope feelings for him?... is it really worth the risk? These things could happen. I don't think any sirt of lebel if trust is willing to risk, that's my opinion.
The one thing you need to keep in mind is that you can't just have sexual relations and no have feelings be involved. No matter what, there is always an emotional stand to some extent. I really think if you love your boyfriend then you need to keep your personal life between the both of you only. Threesomes xan very well ruin things
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