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i am a bad mom
please help.i have lost my lovely son last year who was 5 years old.i love my baby so much.i miss him a lot. it happened due to my carelesness.now my husband always raise the matter and blame me. it is really hurting.i wish i can go to the place my darling baby is.i have another child who is 10.i really don't know what to do.
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I'm sorry for your loss. Whatever happened to your son to cause this loss must have been ruled an accident. Accidents do happen and while we can blame ourselves for them. In this case if you were legally at fault you would be paying the legal penalty for a crime associated with your child's death. Since you are not paying this type of penalty this is just a horrible, horrible accident.
This does not make you a bad mother as accidents do happen. We are all human and humans make mistakes and when we do accidents are the unfortunate result. I understand that your husband is blaming you and he really should not be but he is hurting too. He wants someone to blame and he is blaming you. This is wrong he should be more supportive.
You both have your other child to raise and care for. I suggest you seek family counseling for you and your husband as well your other child. Since you and your husband are not handling this well I am sure your other child is just as conflicted by this as the both of you are.
You don't have to go to your baby boy for him to be with you or you with him. He is always with you. He is, as you know, being properly cared for and will be there waiting when it is your time to be with him.
With a therapists help the three of you can learn to properly deal with this tragedy and move on as a family and still honor your son.
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Although I don't know what caused the death of your baby boy, I do know that you shouldn't put the blame on yourself unless you are a murderer. (which i know you aren't because you would be arrested and not on here). YOU CANNOT blame yourself. Accidents happen. No matter what we cannot prevent the future. Things happen for reasons and God wanted your baby boy at that time.
I understand you miss your baby boy a lot, which is expected. But please do not commit suicide for this reason. Your son will always be with you. Think about how much your 10 year old needs you right now. Your husband is just as devastated as you are, so he is probably taking his anger and emotions out on you. Don't take it to heart BUT don't listen to him when he blames you. Just walk away. Or next time he blames you, go see family and friends who can help you get your mind off of it. Your husband is just as hurt as you are and instead of being mad at God he is trying to find another person to blame so he has decided to point his finger at you. I'm sure he doesn't mean it. People handle these sort of things different than others. It is not easy losing a loved one.
Maybe try comforting your husband more and show him your love. Show him you are just as devastated as he is, therefore he will stop blaming you. Let go and Let God. There is nothing either of you two can do now. As sad as this sounds, what happened has happened and you cannot go back. There is nothing you can do. So no matter how many times you and your husband fight or blame each other, nothing will bring back your boy. The only thing you both can do is enjoy your life. Every second of it. And live life to its fullest. Let your husband know how much you love him as well as your other child. Take this experience and let it strengthen you all as a family. Forgive your husband.
You are not a bad mom at all.
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