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religous issues At home
im athiest and my parents are very strong christians (practicly everyone in my community is white and christian) and i dont want my christian friends to hate my guts. I am firm on my anti-diety beliefs and im not going to change to please anybody. I honestly dont care. I want to know how to tell my friends and family (i need to) without them throwing a bitch-fit at me. Please help! Thanks :)
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
My first thought is why do you have to tell them anything? I can see the fact that not going to church or youth group or attending any other church activities might be a giant red flag. Still this is your choice and no one needs to know or why you have made this choice.
I'm an agnostic and when my friends ask me why I am not in church or Temple, which I believe is none of their business. I simply tell them that I do not believe in organized religion. That I believe organized religion has become big business. They can then draw their own conclusions from there.
At work when asked about religion I usually answer that my parents religion is ______. If pressed further I give my response as to my belief in organized religion. Generally people back away and get the hint that this is subject I either do not wish to discuss or consider quite personal.
The three topics of conversation that can ruin a friendship and are not a topic for discussion at work are; sex, religion and politics. If you stay away from theses topics you can better maintain your friendships. If asked you opinion or questions on these topics you simply say I prefer to keep my opinions on this or these subjects private. People should respect you for that as these subjects are just that; private.
As I said in the beginning I see no reason to tell anyone. You and I have made our choices. There is no need to tell anyone and then have to defend or debate what we have resolve to ourselves.
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This is a very tricky situation, and I say this as a fellow atheist. Whether or not they throw a fit at you will depend on how fanatic and inflexible they are.
In regards to telling them, do so as gently as possible, maybe even with a slight agnostic spin on it. The agnostic approach is a two edged sword though. On the one hand they will feel less threatened than if you say that you categorically dismiss their god, on the other hand it may also leave you more prone to have your "soul saved".
You can increase your chances of things going well by avoiding any kind of argument. The odds are this will be far more difficult than you might think. Many christians will try to engage you in some sort of discussion - but unlike a normal argument this will be a very one sided affair. The more you show them they are wrong, the more far fetched their arguments will be and the angrier they will get.
So, never mind being "preachy"; to have any chance of staying on their good side you have to dodge every attempt they make to engage you in a discussion.
Typical face-palm worthy questions you may face are:
- How could you possibly not believe in god?
- So how do you explain XXX? (for xxx insert any current scientific unknown)
- How can you have morality without religion?
- You believe we came from monkeys?
- You think the universe came from nothing?
How you respond is up to you, but you need to figure out the best way to answer without provoking an argument. Or if you can dodge the questions all together that would be even better.
Finally, if you want to go all-in, you can also make sure that you let them know that you respect their views and only ask the same in return. I could never do that personally because to me it would be like saying "I respect the fact you believe in Easter Bunny", but maybe you can.
Anyway, that is all you can do. Basically: 1. present your position gently, 2. be non-confrontational, 3. (pretend to) respect their beliefs
Good luck.
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Just don't be obnoxious about it. Honestly a lot of Christian people don't mind Atheists as long as you don't say anything mean about what they believe. Just say you don't believe in Christianity and that you are an Atheist to them and leave it at that. But anyone who believes anything, including Atheists (and Christians) can get arrogant and preachy and plain rude. They believe something different from you and that's okay. Chances are if you don't preach to them about your beliefs and bash theirs they will leave you alone too. I would just avoid talking about religion in general after you tell them. Hope this helps! Good luck :)
-Ali
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