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girl i love hates my guts
Hey everyone! Im an eight grade boy who goes to school in oregon. So i had a really good friend ( a girl ) who i liked. Ok, well not liked, loved i guess. All i thought about was her. I dreamed about her. I thought about having a future with her. I loved this girl. Everything about her. Her smile, her love for animals, she was pretty smoking hot too. So anyways, she got a boyfriend (which crushed me) and i noticed they moved rather fast. He was touching her butt after one week. So since she had started to date this guy, our friendship became foggier and foggier. I asked her why she had not been talking to me, and somehow she ended up tellimg me that she had been doing stuff she wasnt proud of. Things like cutting herself and being anerexic. Once she had told me this, my heart just completely flopped. I told her that she was perfect and beautiful just the way she was and i told her i loved her (i was not lying)and she told me not to tell anyone. Now, a little sidenote, her boyfriend and i were bros, and i couldnt handle all of the pressure inside of me, i ended up telling her boyfriend, and he cared as well. She stopped talking to me and removed me on facebook, and blocked my phone. I love this girl and i cant just sit here and watch her deteriorate, as well as completely rip me out of her life. Since then, i have been extremely suicidal (attempted suicide 7 times) and i still love her. Somehow i need closure with her. She wont acknowlage my existance at school, and she told me that if i got hit by a train, it would be the happiest day of her life. I love this girl beyond measure and i dont know what to do.
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If you have tried to kill yourself 7 times over an issue as trivial as this you need counseling from a psychiatrist. That's me being blunt, direct and truthful. Something quite amiss with that.
The girl is extremely troubled to a level you may not even fully be aware of yet. She's bad news as a love match for anything. She's a hot mess. You're lucky not to be involved romantically. Trust me.
She thought she could confide in you and that you wouldn't tell people. Like all people know when someone's health and safety are involved you tell as that's the right thing to have done.
She's being controlled by the illness and resents you for bringing it to light and telling her boyfriend. Let things die down and you'll see as she gets help with her disorder that she'll see you always meant her well. She may hate you for this temporarily but let teachers know she said she cut herself and was suffering from an eating disorder in confidence as you don't keep that to yourself.
There's an old saying that sometimes if you love someone you have to let them go. Sometimes we love people who are right for us but meet them when it's wrong for them or us at the time. There's no telling that if meant to be it'll happen without effort on either side but for now after telling a teacher let both of them go. Nobody said it was easy but it's necessary. See a shrink seriously about trying to end your life multiple times over this. Nobody is worth that and you aren't thinking at all properly. Not well my friend based on your own description.
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You have to move on. She wants nothing more to do with you. Whether that's the right call or not, whether it's fair or not, whether you like it or not, she has made the decision and she has made it very, very clear that the decision is final. I suspect that she's very upset that she told you something in confidence and you told her boyfriend all about it. That's not a "little sidenote" - that's a serious breach of trust. While there are some times when one must put a friend's welfare ahead of their confidence, you really should have told her parents or a school counselor. Instead, you told her boyfriend because you "couldn't handle all the pressure" (your words). You weren't thinking of her feelings or her well-being; you were thinking of your own. As soon as you understand that, you'll know why she's so angry with you and why she's not going to just get over it.
It is unfortunate that she has made some poor choices and that she is deteriorating, but there is NOTHING you can do about it. Any good advice you give her will be ignored. If you try to force yourself on her, you will only make things worse. She may even feel compelled to accuse you of harassing her, which could result in your expulsion from the school.
You also need to stop attempting suicide. That will help no one, least of all yourself, and it certainly won't do her any good. I can't help but think that you're doing as a desperate attempt to get a reaction from her - forgive me for being blunt, but if you really meant to kill yourself, you would have succeeded by now. What you are really doing is continuing the pattern of putting own feelings ahead of anyone else's. You're thinking about ending your pain at the price of causing pain for all those who care about you.
The only way you can ever have any future relationship with this girl, whether as friends or anything else, is to give up now. That may seem nonsensical, but the fact is that she is seven shades of pissed off at you and she'll be that way for the foreseeable future, especially if you keep bothering her and giving her reasons to stay angry. Don't look for "closure" - you won't get it, and besides it's just another way of putting your feelings ahead of hers once again. Instead, just back away. Stop trying to communicate with her in any way, even to the point of ignoring her just as she does with you. Don't even try to apologize; she doesn't want to hear it. The ONLY way you will ever get back into her good graces is if she makes the first move. The odds are that will never happen, so don't hold onto too much hope, but it's the only chance you have. And as small as that chance is, you'll make it smaller every time you try to make it happen before she's ready to forgive.
One more thing... the girl you fell in love with no longer exists. She may not have ever really existed in the first place. That glowing, perfect, idealized version of her lives only in your mind. I know what I'm talking about here; I've been there and done that. I can say from experience that the best way to see to it that someone remains forever out of your reach is to put them on a pedestal.
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This is a tricky situation. I think you did something very good by telling someone you thought could help her instead of doing nothing even when you were probably jealous of the person you told. I think a better way would have been to talk to her about maybe getting her some help but its too late for that now. What you need to do is find a way to contact her in person or write her a note or something explaining that you only did what you did because you care about her and thought it would help her. Explain that you are so very sorry you hurt her in the process and that it kills you that she's not talking to you. Tell her when she cools down and is ready to talk to you that you will be there and say you would do anything for a second chance. If she is truly anorexic though she needs professional attention! If she is not receiving any talk to the school counselor or her parents. She will probably get really pissed off about this but if you care for her you will do it anyway because it's in her best interest. Hope this helps! Good luck :)
-Ali
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