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Overprotective Mom
I am a 14 year old girl and in the 8th grade. My family is very religious. My sister got straight A+'s in every year of school and college. I am trying to do my best but my mom says that im not trying at all. Whenever I ask her if she wants to do something with me she says she is busy but when my sister asks she says ok.
One more thing is my mom doesnt let me do anything!!
I wanted to watch a movie called Hocus Pocus, and my mom said it has witches and magic, and the bible says to stay away from it. (She also got mad at me because I started singing the spell/song, from the movie. When i was 5!!
I wanted to watch Harry Potter but she said no because the bible says to stay away from wizards and magic, and vampires and wolves. I looked and it only said evil!
Today, I drew a charachters name from Harry potter and my brothers And my mom got mad at me.
They also moniter my Fb account and made me give them the password to my email and FB account.
I feel like my family hates me!!! What do i do??!!
Any and all advice is appreciated. Thank you!
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your mum and family want the best for you this is what they believe and you need to respecu that.your mum might spend more time with your older sister because shes older her and your mum maybe more similiar in their views.ask your mum what shd was like when she was your age what her interests were.its not that harry potter is neccessarly evil your mums putting down firm guidepost and you need to respect that.harry potter seems harmless enough thou its going into a territory that directly opposes god and what he stands for your mum only wants the best.
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Perhaps your mother doesn't realize that you feel ignored by her. I'm sensing that even if your sister is older she may not be as mature and perhaps a lot more demanding on mom's time. She may see you are a teenager now and assume that you don't need her attention as much.
Rather than make it into an accusation example "You like her more or spend more time with her than me." approach it with tact and maturity as an adult would. Tell her that you would like more time to spend with her and understand your sister demands a lot of her. Let her know that you feel you only have her full attention when she's angry with you.
You aren't your sister but rather you and can't always score perfect marks. What you are studying is also different from your sister who is studying an area of focus therefore her A and your A in something so different means she shouldn't hold you to the same standard.
What I would do if I were you is get a teacher or counselor at school as your confidante and advocate. You can tell them anything private and they'll keep it so unless you are in harm from others or yourself. Tell them about your sister, mom's lack of interest and constant pressure over grades when you are performing well.
They can encourage you and hammer home to parents you're doing well but pressure ain't helping if you want. Sometimes it takes other adults to point out to adults how you are affected.
If you tell her how you feel in a grown up manner rather than whine she will be more willing to work things out so you feel as included. Maybe she thinks you're more into being independent and not needing her focus than you are. You could also have a family member talk to her about how you feel when you aren't around.
As far as movies go she thinks she is protecting you and also could be sheltering you so that you don't abandon the religion later by exploring and finding other stuff out on your own.
As far as I'm concerned there isn't a thing wrong with Harry Potter or any mainstream book or film if you understand reality versus fantasy and see it as entertainment. If she's upset about it happening at home than watch and read what you want when with friends.
Unless you are doing harm to yourself or others with Facebook it's a pretty innocent thing. Tell them you don't use it or create an account they have access to and a private one with your friends that you only know about and hold the password for and make sure they don't hear about it.
I normally say never deceive a parent but in this case you need it as a prime social tool. Tell your friends your dilemma and keep your Facebook secret and to yourself. Everything your family does is out of love but is unrealistic to expect.
What mom and dad don't get is that NONE of this is going to affect or change your belief in and bond with GOD one iota. If another adult who is on your side tells them this for you perhaps a lot of good may come from it.
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Overprotective Mom,
I understand what you are going through. I was not allowed to listen certain songs or watch certain genres of movies when I was younger. I was also pushed to get good grades, go to youth groups and set great examples for my younger sister.
It made me mad. So mad I wanted to run away.
But someone gave me advice and I took it. I was your age so I will say exactly what was said to me when I was 14 years old. I have never regretted my choice to follow that advice.
"Your parents are only trying to raise the way they have been told to raise you. They do not know another way. It has never been shown to them. It is their way and you must tolerate it until you are old enough to move out of their house. Then it will be up to you to break the cycle and find a better way to raise your children.
BUT Right now, it is time to focus on being the best person you can be to yourself and to everyone around you. Regardless of how you are treated. You owe it to yourself to keep a positive attitude and say "oh well". In time you will get to do the things you want to do. But for now, you must learn from this experience and carry it onto the next stage of your life."
That was the advice that was given to me.
I recommend that advice to you as well.
When you are old enough to be on your own, you can watch what ever you want. Sing what ever you want. Draw whatever you want.
My advice is to live the way your parents tell you too as long as it does not hurt you physically or mentally.
I commend you for noticing that the bible never tells you that wizards and magic are evil.
Religion is one subject that I know a lot about, and you are right. The Bible leaves the reader to interpret what evil shall be. Do not blame your parents because the programming they have gotten tells them that wizards and magic are evil. That is an opinion that has been passed to them through extreme religious indoctrination and not based on any real fact.
If your family's core religion is a Christian based faith, then your family believes in the magic (miracle) of Jesus' Resurrection and the wizard(priest) Moses who used a magic(enchanted) staff to part water. Not to mention relying oil induced visions to talk to God. Get the point. It does not matter if evil is named, everyone calls evil by a different name and sees it through different eyes.
It sounds like there are some things that your mom is completely misguided about and some other things she understands for what they are. That is normal is our society. Sad, but true.
I agree with your mom that you should not watch, read or hear certain programming. Harry Potter, and other forms of print/media are full of hidden massages designed to get into your sub-conscience and act like brainwashing tools. These tools are designed to turn you into a useless consumer, teen mother or drug addict. (results may vary depending on individual disposition, dietary bio-accumulation/saturation levels and environmental exposure)
There are many forms of media that include sub-conscience programming to control/guide those who see it, read it and hear it. This includes the Bible, school books and billboards just to name a few of the millions in use. It is everywhere, and in almost all print, video and radio media.
This is a you tube vid that touches on this subject. . . [Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
It is up to you to do further research, and here is one for you to understand how food should be used to keep your brain sharp and your body disease free.
On the first link, choose your favorite food and see if it is harming you.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
On this second link, you will find the information to help you choose foods to maintain and proper PH balance in you body and brain.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
When you couple programming with the average American diet, the brain is too weak to reject the programming.
For now, keep your eyes open, keep noticing those small things that do not make sense and you will be more wise than anyone else in your family and sooner than you realize it, you will be old enough to move out. Wisdom and knowledge take time and experience to gain. You are at the beginning of that journey and need the next four years to set that in motion. Four years and you will be forced to pay your own bills, find your food, get a job etc. . . . Enjoy the time you have without any grown-up crap to worry about.
You cannot say that your mom lets you do nothing. Your mom lets you have a FB account. That is more than I will let my daughter have when she is your age. I do not hate my daughter, I love her and want to protect her.
Social media sites like FB are another form of control and even worse, a great way to spy on someone, stalk someone or even cause someone to kill themselves. (Bullying on FB recently caused a girl your age to take her own life) Granted, she must have had a weak mind to take her own life, however, it did not stop the hateful things from being posted to her wall, for everyone to see.
Maybe your mom is tyring to protect you. Trying to make you a good person.
Embrace your mom's love to the point of saying one nice thing about her on your FB page everyday for the next year. Compliment her hair, makeup, parenting skills, etc . . . Try to be more understanding of her ways, even if you cannot agree with them you must do what she asks. Less stress and compliments will make her feel good, and that goodness will come back to you. Karma is the key to making the next four years more pleasant than they are now.
Your lessons and schoolwork can probably be found on the internet I am sure. I found my college courses and all the answers online at yahoo answers. So solid A's are possible. I use the answer keys to help me understand the problems I could not understand how to solve on my own. I never used them to just get a good grade.
Have faith sweetheart. These years you have left at home will breeze by. It is up to you to make them good, bad or mediocre.
Attitude, Attitude, Attitude. It is the single most important factor to guarantee good results day in and day out every day of our lives.
Whenever the negativity enters your bubble, dispel it with your own positive energy. The glass is half full not half empty. Always look on the brighter side of things. Find the positive and make it yours! Own it!!
I have faith in you.
Good Luck!
DoktorTammy
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With everything that goes on in the world these days, having an overprotective mom might be a good thing. I don't think your family hates you. Not at all. They are just trying to protect you from things they think are bad for you. It can be real annoying if you are the kid though. I can understand that.
All you can do is your best as far as grades go. So do as best you can. Study & it will pay off one day.
Seems almost all of the popular movies out these days would fall into a category where your mom won't let you watch them. I guess there isn't a lot you will be able to do about that. Once you are older you can research & find a religion that better suits your beliefs if you don't like the one followed by your family. Until then, you will have to do your best to go along with what they want you to do.
I am a mother too and see nothing wrong with them having your passwords. I know that won't be the popular answer but a lot of kids get in trouble everyday online. Its sad but there are a lot of people out there who would take advantage of young teens. Go along with what they want. Use the internet in a responsible manner and they will probably ease up and give you more freedom to use it without watching your every move.
All in all I think they love you a lot! It won't be long before you will be on your own & watching & doing what you want. :)
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